totally forgotten about my 2012 resolutions. Only remember this when i was telling myself to do a half year review on my resolution, which i have not even make one!

oh well, most of my resolutions are repeated every year, so i shall use previous year resolution again :)

1. annual random trip  - failed thanks to airasia!! cancelled my flight to Delhi and eventually foiled my plan to visit Nepal. but there is still 6 more months to go, hehe....
2. pick a random skill/ or involve in something new  - er....participate is our yellow peaceful assembly should considered right?
3. increase income to my initial level - ticked :)
4. new car - ticked :) although it is one year later than my plan, but i am still happy to achieve it.
5. have 3 months emergency fund - not there yet but progressing....
6. complete my travel blog - hahhaa....can i just delete this resolution?
7. complete CFA level 2 - not a pessimist, but 99% will need to complete it on another year.
8. 20% income goes into investment - this is something rather unlikely to occur given my current cash flow, so no, but i do have money channel into investment.........

oh ya, no longer single, another ticked for myself :)

children world

" uncle why is the sun looks like this?"
" the sun is going down, its call sunset"
"will the sun come up again?"
"yes, tomorrow morning it will, its call sunrise"
" then where do the sun pump petrol?"
" the sun dont have to pump petrol"
"no! sun need to pump petrol! daddy's car also need to pump petrol!"

does it really help?

We all try hard to avoid it, but most of us are pretty much married to our work, and our company is like the partner that you can never satisfied. Of course, there are good times between us, unfortunately our brain by default have stronger memory cells when it comes to angry/sadness moment as per compared to the happy time. Most people will just remember the bad things ( thus explaining why most women can never forgive husband that goes cheating, not even one time...well, most of the women), and if there's hardly good things to remember, then we will just remember nothing but the bitter moment.

so if you have done so badly for the past whole year, and you yourself know it so well, then where are you bothered trying to be nice to us at the 11th hour before the judgement day? its almost like telling us that you are well aware of your bad behaviour for the past 1 year, and now you are trying to save your ass by doing something that you never do, and probably will not do once the day are over. really, you must have been reading too much newspaper, and learning these old tricks from the old politician....

seriously, all of us well aware of the sequences if bad rating was given, so what makes you think we will be so honest and rate you badly? just save up the money and pay us closer to the market rate.....


" I dont understand why one must report his or her doing to their partner?"
" Its not something that you do, it is something that you automatically responded to..."
" You may be right, i dont really understand it because i have been single for ages"

i remembered having this conversation with you not so long ago.

I fully understand your statement now.

like a star

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Honour to love you

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look I can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is au fait,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this song,
Your love,

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Now I have come to understand,
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
For anyone but you
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands


I hasnt stop talking to myself whenever i am alone at night. Its just that i am choosing not to record these conversations. Wasn't really that educational i reckon. Lots of self-questioning issues are still in deadlocked. I have come to a conclusion that I have yet to achieve the level of wisdom to answer all these questions, so...just keep experiencing life until I finally understand it.

Been reading quite a number of important historical events/moments through wikipedia. Interestingly, all these major events are started off as a convergence of minor events before turning into the perfect storm. More often, individual could have change the whole history by simply declining the order/offer. It kinda got me thinking what kind of small decisions that i have made in life resulting the current me.

Everyday we need to make a decision over something, from things as simple as what to eat to something big like what should i do in life. Perhaps, what kind of decision we need to make is not enough to justify the magnitude of that decision in our life. Timing, to be more specific, what kind of decision we made during the crucial moment causing far greater impact than deciding on big decision during a non crucial time.

Being prepared, is the wisdom that money cant buy. Question is, have i been exploring life enough to gain the experience, and the wisdom, in order to be prepared for the crucial moment?

post holiday....

Was confidently thinking that i have achieved at least half of my 2011 resolution, and then reality crashes me real hard with failure in examination and stutter over my job....

i guess the universe did hear my cry on wanting to be more humble....i am forced to be humble now....

resolution 2011

i surprised myself too when i have no obvious wish list jump into my head as i am writing the title. Man, i am getting just a little bit too lay-back...ok think think, start with health:

1. daily 5min simple workout, 2 -3 times a week morning jog --- time to get serious on maintaining good shape as stomach is getting far easier to go round. Ok, maybe i should include a chin-up exercise stand as a wish list of year 2011.
2. pick up a random skill - i think i am taking up kayaking in first week of jan, so as per previous few years, a easily achievable resolution :)
3. take a spontaneous trip - i believe i will travel at least 4 times this year, so high 5 to being broke :)
4. complete CFA level 1 if i fail, and continue reviewing if i pass - decided to postpone level 2, as i am far from learning the gist of level 1, so i must complete it and benefit out of it by year 2011.
5. career advancement into a role emphasize more on advisory - know quite it most likely a actually movement will happen only in year 2012, but heck, this is my wishlist :)
6. increase income by 20% - ok, this is gonna be tough for sure....especially when item no. 3 very likely jeopardize my chance of earning money through investment.
7. have my emergency fund (not to be invested) park at bank safely - again, tough 1....rule of thumb, 6 months of basic salary ( ok la, 3 months also pass already)
8. hahaha.....again, complete my travel log!
9. Decided not to fix any amount of time in my reading hour, as it should a joyful thing to do so. Instead, i shall fixed myself as to complete reading 2 type of books that is totally different from what i would usually read.
10.  charity! must-start-donating-in-schedule
11. remember the current self, not over-driven by certain objectivity in life and forget about the beauty of the journey reaching there.
12. embrace active-listening, and learn to interrupt at the right moment. And do not speak when you do not hear the whole conversation. And be humble....

hm....looks like yet another long list, and i was just saying i have nothing i mind, ha....but i do see the changes in the items that i am seeking for improvement. So we shall see a year later then!

feeling home

i am sure that i wasnt the only person had this feeling before. Whenever you spent a night at somewhere else, no matter how comfortable the bed is ,or how wonderful the host has treated you, there's always a tingling sensation that making yourself hard to put your guard down wholeheartedly. When you are finally home after being away for a while, you just cant help but feel RELIEVE! as you are putting down your luggage in your room. The bed just seems so irresistible to you and you will joyfully jump on your bed and give your slightly cold duvet and love hug...

I have vague definition on home ever since the year i left my country for tertiary education. Home is where the opportunities lie, that has been stayed truth on my heart for all these years, and myself has never let geography boundary stop me from seeking opportunity (though it has not been that fruitful). However, it was this year, that i had a rather refreshing feel about my home.

for some reason, the frequency of me being home alone for days increase tremendously compare to previous years. And i have always love to be alone, be it home or travel. Its not that i am antisocial or hate my family. On the contrary, i enjoys human contact and i have great family bonding will all my family members. However, it has always my nature that if given a choice, after a long day, i wish to be alone, sitting on the sofa, listening to soft music, sipping a cup of hot drinks while reading through non-academic books/magazine. When i am happy, i'll do the same. When i'm sad, i'll do the same. When i am traveling alone, i'll do the same thing as well.

Thanks to the extra personal moments that was granted to me, i am beginning to regaining those lay-back, chill mentality that i've lost it since i left Aotearoa ie NZ. It was until this year that i have back these comfort feeling when i'm home alone. It's irony, i know, for acknowledging the comfort feeling in a foreign land that i have stayed only 3 years, instead of the place that i have stayed for close to decade before and after i leave the country. I guess, experience that you gained along the years do change a person so radical that one could not recall how it was like before.

I do not know how can i put it in words, but i felt like my emotion is behaving like a vaccinated memory-cell, every single small exposure to the past excites the memory-cell, manifesting a series of chain reaction, leaving a fever-like feeling in my heart.

I am still breathing the air, but it tasted less humid. I am still under the same fan, but the wind is more gentle. Coffee taste the same, but it doesn't really matter much.

I'm just feeling... content. Just like the good old day.

reflection of twenty ten

once again, its time to look at my checklist and see if i have actually followed whatever resolution i have made. seriously, i cant recall a single resolution, not until i cut and paste the list for the 1 year old post. ok...time for reality check.

1. read at least 30min of books before going to bed - fail. Well, i did spend more time on books, but compared to college time, it is still really little. But i started reading books that i never thought i would be interested though.
2. exercise the 10min workout set i did exercise, but is less than 10min...erm....pass lar~

3. 1 day of random new skill (at the moment is  hip hop), 1 day of badminton or squash, 3 days of gym per week - well, i set this rules because i was expecting myself to be a freelancer for the whole year..but since there is a change of plan along the way. This resolution no longer applicable.

4. raise my yearly income to above RM60,000 once again -wow, i actually wrote a figure here??! erm....okey, this is awkward.....erm....ok la, satisfactory....haha...

5. go for a spontaneous trip with friend -well, i did it on the first day of year 2010, so a big yes...and i guess will be doing more in year 2011

6.schedule work and play time in the right ratio- erm...i spent more of the free time in study. so dont think i pass this resolution. but i did have fun though...erm....ok la, fail this 1...

7. complete my CFP, and keep the option of challenging CIFP - a big yes to CFP and CIFP no longer applicable to my choice, and heck, i even take up CFA, so a big pass!

8. make profit from the trading progam -biggest failure of all, sigh....

9. purchase a ~RM120,000 car in december -ok, this is such a bad choice of resolution. why would i think of getting a new car? not the time yet.....
10. donate money for charity -ok, this is really shameful....my friend didnt ask monye from me, and i forgot to pay for it.....fail! or maybe i should pay a lump sum to him before this year end....hm....not a bad i dea

11. spend time writing down journal /story at least 4 times a week -hahaha....this is like a resolution that i fail on a yearly basis.

12. forget the past, and move on in terms of relationship, take things slowly -erm....i did try to hit on a girl, but soon i realize its either i wasnt ready, or she's not exactly the right person. No seeing the light of attaching to anyone still....

13. the most important of all, find the reasons to achieve all this. with nothing to inspire on, all this will just plain talk - well i do believe i know myself better than ever, so this is a yes :)

ok, final score, 5/12 achieve = 41%

 i am quite content with the score actually, given the fact that i have actually changed my mind rather radically in the middle of year 2010. 
if a sentence is needed to summarize the year, i guess "slow, in order to be fast" is what i have learn in year 2010. Many things cannot be rushed, and for the past few years i have been too obsessed with young success story, making myself felt so frustrated for not achieving anything before age 25 like many famous guys do. As the year pass, i am beginning to see things in longer horizon, i am still learning, but is more capable of holding myself from making hasty decision. I am more able to accept that i could be just an average joe, and that thought no longer put me down or stop me from try to be different.....
year 2010, is the year that make me start walking, instead of lying on the bed dreaming of flying.
I'm still dreaming, but i know the more likely way is to start walking to the distant airport.


If you have ever joint a multilevel marketing conference/meeting, i am sure you have heard of the story of how a frog being cooked in a slowly heat up pot compared to another escaped frog that is being transferred from a colder pot to a hot pot.  I had heard of it a couple of times, and well understood the moral behind the story, but it still cant prevent myself from suffering the changes in life. It diffuse slowly, almost unnoticeable, and bang! its a brand new ball game...

Not so long ago, i am beginning to feel out of place for various reason. Club scene beginning to looks like teenage prom to me, popular drama's plot insult my intelligence level badly, Movies and Music Video are all featuring unfamiliar faces and liking them is almost like being paedophilic, choices of clothes are down to pathetic G2000, padini or U2 (er...this is not such a good example, bcoz money played a bigger role in this case), and what really hits me real hard is, radio station are not longer catering for my age group.

Aging is an awesome process, i still think it is. Getting older doesnt make you detached from the society. What actually happen is, the marketing scheme is longer treating you as the target audience. God knows how much we have influenced by advertisement, and when i was a student, everything on display, everywhere the marketing program is, it all seems relevant to me, making me super envy +jealous +green monster+hate not being end with the last name Gates.

Now things has changed. Lots of hot selling items are not exactly attractive to me, and i AM comfortable for being slightly different. there's a saying that advertisement company will ignore consumer that stop buying music, and you bet i am well being in that category.

From time to time, i still wish to have the similar attention given by the world (advertising company, to be exact, but heck, they do make me feel like top of the world..), but i guess, by accepting we are no longer the target group, it may helps us to move on better. Perhaps, this may help me complaint lesser towards the media and the mall, and making a far less cynical growing man...

more than just a number

was listening to radio, and the Deejay was asking listener to sum up the year with a single word....few words came into my mind, "new", "messy", "corrupt", just to name a few. However, i just cant find any word that can summarized the year.

Had a hectic workday, by the time i complete my day task, its almost eight. Reached home with an empty skull, and body subconsciously walked towards kitchen to scout for food.
Home alone, just the way i like it.
 *play* Corinne Bailey Rae - Like a Star

Just like a star across my sky
Just like an angel off the page
You have appeared to my life
Feel like I'll never be the same

Just like a song in my heart
Just like oil on my hands
Oh, I do love you

Still I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you
We do it all the time
Blowing out my mind

You've got this look I can't describe
You make me feel like I'm alive
When everything else is a fade
Without a doubt you're on my side

Heaven has been away too long
Can't find the words to write this song
Oh, your love

Still I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"phase" - a word comes into my year. That's the word of the year for me.
Yes, i have stepped into another phase of life.

a night of self-talking....

I sat on the bed, recalling all the advices that i had been receiving since i made a public declaration of wanting being a banker. Not knowing exactly the differences between various banking sector, i just declared my wishes by spamming many HR department and joint one of the establishment with little issue.

Here's the issue, i was not suppose to jump into another industry with little issue. It should be full of rejection, frustration and despair. I have a science degree, which is literally of no use in banking industry besides teaching my boss to be healthy (that is, if, i chose to teach). And so, I cheated my way into the industry by joining the sales sector, which is of course, far more forgiving, as long as you are showing great potential in bringing in the cash.

Perhaps, the environment, and the work experiences have shaped me into a good sales personnel, but the true fact never change; me, wish nothing more than not being the front liner. Let me do the analysis, let me do the research, and i shall grant you my finding.

So, the reality has hit me. Yes, i have joint the industry. Yes, i am getting more resources to learn about financial industry. But the truth is, i am definitely on the wrong path. It may get me to Rome with all the mighty building, but my destination is actually the lay-back Copenhagen.

I need to clear a new path, with the sword name knowledge. Not easy it seems to acquire the sword. Mental strength is the key to lift up the sword. I need to cheer myself up, I need to convince myself that it is possible to walk through the dark forest. Stop hoping for a lucky discovery and escape from here! hold your breath, be all gung-ho, work hard for the next 3 months! A dim light, if not the exit, shall shine on me.

i can do it! this is the only way! let's go for it!!!!!!!!!5 months later, after the hardwork, you will be a changed person. i know you will....yes you will......

i am here to learn....i am here to learn....i am here to learn....i am here to learn......initiate to learn.......initiate to learn... initiate to learn.........

another year older :)

10.30pm, switched off the light. Stared at the darkness for 5second. Wait a second, its my birthday after all, i should really write something down about today...

today pretty much is just another ordinary day. Most of my friend except my ex-colleagues find it so amazing that i actually have no plan for my birthday. Well, i guess only my ex-colleague would know that i am actually not that playful contradict to popular believe. I dunno how, but somehow, these group of people that i spent the most time with for the past 2 years just seems to know something about yourself that most people that are not aware of. But once you are out o the circle, the link between you and them just disappeared in a very rapid way. Wasnt complaining, just writing out a fact that i felt strongly.

yesterday attended a class with a friend/ex-colleague that born on the same day. Greeted happy birthday to each other with french fried few hours before our birthday, the meet up with a friend for a drink. Wasnt planning to do any celebration, it is just so happened that on the eve of my birthday itself, i need to meet up with him for a drink and discuss business related issue.

i have only got to know this guy less than 5 months, but i was enlighten by him in many ways that i am very grateful of. He has very similar vision as i do, but he has been executing it extremely well, which in turn motivated me to work towards the goal (in a different manner though).And so happened a friend of his called him up before the meet up, so 3 of us ended up drinking 2 buckets of beer until 3am, and i only let them know about my birthday when its about 2am. it was really a care free meet up. we were playing cards, laughing, making fun of the only lady, and sipping the beer along with the background R&B.

i felt surprisingly delightful as i was driving back home; a celebration can be just so simple, and yet so enjoyable, even without all your closest friends.

almost all the wishes that i received this year is about me getting a gf. wasnt aware that 26 year old is a threshold for danger. Or maybe they really think i need some luck to get one (that would be really mean....).But its all good, they all mean well after all.....glad that many of them still choose to call me instead of facebook me....well, sms is not the best, but still way better than facebook i reckon....

happy 26th birthday :)


i always thought that i am actually quite a calm person, and i can hide my emotion well. But during the CNY when i was playing texas poker with my buddies, i was always at the losing end. So i started to think i am actually quite emotionally driven, contradict to what i believe in.

then today i started a trading that i have been learning for quite a while. To my surprise, i was so attached to the trade that i find myself so hard not to look at it, and my heart beat just goes up and down along with the graph.

was i never a rational person? strange...i always thought i am.....