I hates uncertainty. Hate it because its out of my control. Hate it because I can only predict the outcome.
Father's bad memory is worsen by day. And it has finally reach a stage that worries me. He had a minor surgery on the eye,and it went smoothly. he was allowed to go home after the surgery and only need to do a routine checkup on the next day. But in the morning, he can't recall when was it that he had the eye surgery, twice, in merely an hour time.
Family, career, friendship, all seems to be in uncertainty. Beginning to question myself if it is a consequences of taking things for granted. Is an apology too late for now? Or worse still, is there anything I can do to make it a different?
A friend told me that I need a gf to wash away the blue, and she could not understand why I am having problem finding one. I understand her perspective, but I am well aware of the rational behind the hoo-ha. October is the date I told myself that things will be different, but I am fearing the arrival now. I have not done enough to make a different yet.
Breeze
wrote this a couple of weeks ago using my phone. For once i actually appreciating the window mobile device. During my trip there's so much travel time that i used it up to write down my travel diary. i guess, this is what i need for backpacking in the upcoming future, if i am still capable of doing so....
On the next day of my return from the trip, my parent left us and flies off to another holiday destination. Feeling rather weird as I've living with bunch of monkey for 2 weeks and a sudden surge of quietness make me feel little bit of uncomfortable.
Last week, I was sitting on the tour bus in awe as we passing by the million dollars villa that build on the spectacular hillside of san Francisco, cycles through the posh marina street that overview the golden gate bridge, and standing on san Diego beach looking at the Orion belt and Sirius star shining on top of me.
48hours after arrival, I was cycling at a gated community, passing by all the posh bungalows while the same Orion belt and Sirius shining brightly on top of me.
It feels kind of irony as I was cycling at the night. The air is slightly warmer, the design of the bungalow is slightly more contemporary, and the orientations of the stars are slightly tilted from few nights ago.
Fate, are you trying to tell me something? You do know my emotions have gone through roller coaster since I visited San Francisco right? And was it you that make me miss my home of youth so much?
I hate to admit it, but the desire of going back is engulfing me badly. Where do I belong to? Climbing up the stairs, or just being the average Joe? I'm no longer capable of making selfish decision, but sacrificing own desire seems to be tough to bear with at this point of view.
Ah...screw it, let's just enjoy the warm breeze.
On the next day of my return from the trip, my parent left us and flies off to another holiday destination. Feeling rather weird as I've living with bunch of monkey for 2 weeks and a sudden surge of quietness make me feel little bit of uncomfortable.
Last week, I was sitting on the tour bus in awe as we passing by the million dollars villa that build on the spectacular hillside of san Francisco, cycles through the posh marina street that overview the golden gate bridge, and standing on san Diego beach looking at the Orion belt and Sirius star shining on top of me.
48hours after arrival, I was cycling at a gated community, passing by all the posh bungalows while the same Orion belt and Sirius shining brightly on top of me.
It feels kind of irony as I was cycling at the night. The air is slightly warmer, the design of the bungalow is slightly more contemporary, and the orientations of the stars are slightly tilted from few nights ago.
Fate, are you trying to tell me something? You do know my emotions have gone through roller coaster since I visited San Francisco right? And was it you that make me miss my home of youth so much?
I hate to admit it, but the desire of going back is engulfing me badly. Where do I belong to? Climbing up the stairs, or just being the average Joe? I'm no longer capable of making selfish decision, but sacrificing own desire seems to be tough to bear with at this point of view.
Ah...screw it, let's just enjoy the warm breeze.
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