uncertainty

I hates uncertainty. Hate it because its out of my control. Hate it because I can only predict the outcome.

Father's bad memory is worsen by day. And it has finally reach a stage that worries me. He had a minor surgery on the eye,and it went smoothly. he was allowed to go home after the surgery and only need to do a routine checkup on the next day. But in the morning, he can't recall when was it that he had the eye surgery, twice, in merely an hour time.

Family, career, friendship, all seems to be in uncertainty. Beginning to question myself if it is a consequences of taking things for granted. Is an apology too late for now? Or worse still, is there anything I can do to make it a different?

A friend told me that I need a gf to wash away the blue, and she could not understand why I am having problem finding one. I understand her perspective, but I am well aware of the rational behind the hoo-ha. October is the date I told myself that things will be different, but I am fearing the arrival now. I have not done enough to make a different yet.