feeling home

i am sure that i wasnt the only person had this feeling before. Whenever you spent a night at somewhere else, no matter how comfortable the bed is ,or how wonderful the host has treated you, there's always a tingling sensation that making yourself hard to put your guard down wholeheartedly. When you are finally home after being away for a while, you just cant help but feel RELIEVE! as you are putting down your luggage in your room. The bed just seems so irresistible to you and you will joyfully jump on your bed and give your slightly cold duvet and love hug...

I have vague definition on home ever since the year i left my country for tertiary education. Home is where the opportunities lie, that has been stayed truth on my heart for all these years, and myself has never let geography boundary stop me from seeking opportunity (though it has not been that fruitful). However, it was this year, that i had a rather refreshing feel about my home.

for some reason, the frequency of me being home alone for days increase tremendously compare to previous years. And i have always love to be alone, be it home or travel. Its not that i am antisocial or hate my family. On the contrary, i enjoys human contact and i have great family bonding will all my family members. However, it has always my nature that if given a choice, after a long day, i wish to be alone, sitting on the sofa, listening to soft music, sipping a cup of hot drinks while reading through non-academic books/magazine. When i am happy, i'll do the same. When i'm sad, i'll do the same. When i am traveling alone, i'll do the same thing as well.

Thanks to the extra personal moments that was granted to me, i am beginning to regaining those lay-back, chill mentality that i've lost it since i left Aotearoa ie NZ. It was until this year that i have back these comfort feeling when i'm home alone. It's irony, i know, for acknowledging the comfort feeling in a foreign land that i have stayed only 3 years, instead of the place that i have stayed for close to decade before and after i leave the country. I guess, experience that you gained along the years do change a person so radical that one could not recall how it was like before.

I do not know how can i put it in words, but i felt like my emotion is behaving like a vaccinated memory-cell, every single small exposure to the past excites the memory-cell, manifesting a series of chain reaction, leaving a fever-like feeling in my heart.

I am still breathing the air, but it tasted less humid. I am still under the same fan, but the wind is more gentle. Coffee taste the same, but it doesn't really matter much.

I'm just feeling... content. Just like the good old day.