did i give the wrong answer? i am still worrying over it.
when a paragraph of words is capable of disabling you from doing anything right for the next 12 hours, you should know it by hard....
yes, i am screwed....
slow...
ever since i started my course a month ago, time seems to have stretched longer than how it use to be. usually my weekends are rather unproductive, suddenly it became the most informative and fruitful time of the week. So it was like a additional 48 extra hours given to me from top above, i suddenly felt a little bit lost during the weekday.
how it tat possible that it is still May? i've been asking myself this question for many times as i was driving from point A to Point B during the day. My colleague would probably know that whenever i start thinking about certain things as i was driving, for sure i will head on to somewhere else besides my actual destination. N it happened rather rampant in the past weeks.
i am so anxious, but feeling helpless at the same time. Jun...please come by soon, and throw down a judgment on me if i have done it right...
how it tat possible that it is still May? i've been asking myself this question for many times as i was driving from point A to Point B during the day. My colleague would probably know that whenever i start thinking about certain things as i was driving, for sure i will head on to somewhere else besides my actual destination. N it happened rather rampant in the past weeks.
i am so anxious, but feeling helpless at the same time. Jun...please come by soon, and throw down a judgment on me if i have done it right...
10.10pm
wrote a long post on all the excuses that i can think of to explain myself being single. It sounds so convincing that i almost believe that it is the societies' fault that i am single.So, i deleted it.
I do wish to have a partner. But i did nothing to make it happen.
coward.
p/s: spent an hour on this nonsense just to avoid reading the thick textbook. I am a student once again. Behavior also act like one, my goodness....
I do wish to have a partner. But i did nothing to make it happen.
coward.
p/s: spent an hour on this nonsense just to avoid reading the thick textbook. I am a student once again. Behavior also act like one, my goodness....
uncertainty
I hates uncertainty. Hate it because its out of my control. Hate it because I can only predict the outcome.
Father's bad memory is worsen by day. And it has finally reach a stage that worries me. He had a minor surgery on the eye,and it went smoothly. he was allowed to go home after the surgery and only need to do a routine checkup on the next day. But in the morning, he can't recall when was it that he had the eye surgery, twice, in merely an hour time.
Family, career, friendship, all seems to be in uncertainty. Beginning to question myself if it is a consequences of taking things for granted. Is an apology too late for now? Or worse still, is there anything I can do to make it a different?
A friend told me that I need a gf to wash away the blue, and she could not understand why I am having problem finding one. I understand her perspective, but I am well aware of the rational behind the hoo-ha. October is the date I told myself that things will be different, but I am fearing the arrival now. I have not done enough to make a different yet.
Father's bad memory is worsen by day. And it has finally reach a stage that worries me. He had a minor surgery on the eye,and it went smoothly. he was allowed to go home after the surgery and only need to do a routine checkup on the next day. But in the morning, he can't recall when was it that he had the eye surgery, twice, in merely an hour time.
Family, career, friendship, all seems to be in uncertainty. Beginning to question myself if it is a consequences of taking things for granted. Is an apology too late for now? Or worse still, is there anything I can do to make it a different?
A friend told me that I need a gf to wash away the blue, and she could not understand why I am having problem finding one. I understand her perspective, but I am well aware of the rational behind the hoo-ha. October is the date I told myself that things will be different, but I am fearing the arrival now. I have not done enough to make a different yet.
Breeze
wrote this a couple of weeks ago using my phone. For once i actually appreciating the window mobile device. During my trip there's so much travel time that i used it up to write down my travel diary. i guess, this is what i need for backpacking in the upcoming future, if i am still capable of doing so....
On the next day of my return from the trip, my parent left us and flies off to another holiday destination. Feeling rather weird as I've living with bunch of monkey for 2 weeks and a sudden surge of quietness make me feel little bit of uncomfortable.
Last week, I was sitting on the tour bus in awe as we passing by the million dollars villa that build on the spectacular hillside of san Francisco, cycles through the posh marina street that overview the golden gate bridge, and standing on san Diego beach looking at the Orion belt and Sirius star shining on top of me.
48hours after arrival, I was cycling at a gated community, passing by all the posh bungalows while the same Orion belt and Sirius shining brightly on top of me.
It feels kind of irony as I was cycling at the night. The air is slightly warmer, the design of the bungalow is slightly more contemporary, and the orientations of the stars are slightly tilted from few nights ago.
Fate, are you trying to tell me something? You do know my emotions have gone through roller coaster since I visited San Francisco right? And was it you that make me miss my home of youth so much?
I hate to admit it, but the desire of going back is engulfing me badly. Where do I belong to? Climbing up the stairs, or just being the average Joe? I'm no longer capable of making selfish decision, but sacrificing own desire seems to be tough to bear with at this point of view.
Ah...screw it, let's just enjoy the warm breeze.
On the next day of my return from the trip, my parent left us and flies off to another holiday destination. Feeling rather weird as I've living with bunch of monkey for 2 weeks and a sudden surge of quietness make me feel little bit of uncomfortable.
Last week, I was sitting on the tour bus in awe as we passing by the million dollars villa that build on the spectacular hillside of san Francisco, cycles through the posh marina street that overview the golden gate bridge, and standing on san Diego beach looking at the Orion belt and Sirius star shining on top of me.
48hours after arrival, I was cycling at a gated community, passing by all the posh bungalows while the same Orion belt and Sirius shining brightly on top of me.
It feels kind of irony as I was cycling at the night. The air is slightly warmer, the design of the bungalow is slightly more contemporary, and the orientations of the stars are slightly tilted from few nights ago.
Fate, are you trying to tell me something? You do know my emotions have gone through roller coaster since I visited San Francisco right? And was it you that make me miss my home of youth so much?
I hate to admit it, but the desire of going back is engulfing me badly. Where do I belong to? Climbing up the stairs, or just being the average Joe? I'm no longer capable of making selfish decision, but sacrificing own desire seems to be tough to bear with at this point of view.
Ah...screw it, let's just enjoy the warm breeze.
Fly
leaving home for 2 weeks in few hours time. This round, i am even more unprepared than the previous few holidays. I must admit i have always enjoyed the adrenaline rush of completing tasks on the last minute basis, hence again i was busy for the past 2 days until an hour ago only i started to look for bags and things to pack.
House has long filled up with traveling toiletry and bags, so its not exactly such a hard task to pack things. Just exactly 13 years ago, nobody from our family ever been to anywhere besides Singapore and Hattyai. So traveling it was like such a big thing and usually it will take up days to prepare for a trip. As year go by, we move along with all the fellow countrymen, each of us starting to explore the world. I tried to pinned up the countries that all of us has traveled to in a online map the other day, and its kinda shocking even to myself.
my sisters and i each have stayed in oversea for at least 2 years for study or works, and interesting all choose to come back. each of us have some reason behind, but one thing is that, we have no regret to do so. However, that still did not stop us from liking other countries. More cities are going to be stepped on by us.
what worry me now is, when am i going to complete my travel blog? god~ please give me the dedication towards the blog~~~~i am beginning to forgot about my interesting travel story.....
House has long filled up with traveling toiletry and bags, so its not exactly such a hard task to pack things. Just exactly 13 years ago, nobody from our family ever been to anywhere besides Singapore and Hattyai. So traveling it was like such a big thing and usually it will take up days to prepare for a trip. As year go by, we move along with all the fellow countrymen, each of us starting to explore the world. I tried to pinned up the countries that all of us has traveled to in a online map the other day, and its kinda shocking even to myself.
my sisters and i each have stayed in oversea for at least 2 years for study or works, and interesting all choose to come back. each of us have some reason behind, but one thing is that, we have no regret to do so. However, that still did not stop us from liking other countries. More cities are going to be stepped on by us.
what worry me now is, when am i going to complete my travel blog? god~ please give me the dedication towards the blog~~~~i am beginning to forgot about my interesting travel story.....
Video
saw the news through facebook. Wasnt surprised with the incident, as this town has long known for craziness.
i tried to save up the video, but it seems that i am lacking some program to do so. Let's just hope the webpage will keep this for long. Here is the link
some former student feel disgusted, but for me, its just plain nostalgic. Talk about being crazy and yet receive forgiveness at the end of the day.
This is youth. This is, Dunedin.
i tried to save up the video, but it seems that i am lacking some program to do so. Let's just hope the webpage will keep this for long. Here is the link
some former student feel disgusted, but for me, its just plain nostalgic. Talk about being crazy and yet receive forgiveness at the end of the day.
This is youth. This is, Dunedin.
PDA
First time using pda mobile. Although the internet speed is pathetically slow, but at least it help me to kill sometime.
Just as i have many plans to do today, i got stuck in this tiny place that i have absolute no intention to walk into. Things just happened at the least expected way lately. Not to have a plan is an ideal plan for current stage.
Going off for a long trip real soon. Can feel the excitement from people surround me. Personally, i'm still feeling alright. Sometime i'm feeling grateful and doubtful at the same time for all the things happening around me.i dont feel deserving from time to time, but i'm still receiving all the rewards. As far as my experience count, opportunity given seems to be more important than the effort you put in.
I've done a few great decision for myself to stand at where i am now.soon, i need to decide on my next path.let's pray that once again i make the choices.
For things that i've missed out, i'm still feeling the pain in my heart. I'm not sure if i can claim you back, but i'm trying not to look backward,and find something as good as what you are.no doubt i cant wash away the feeling i lay upon you, but i'm learning to keep it in my heart, trying not to let it spill out and distract my routine life.
People always cherish things that they cant obtained, you just cant deny that.
thought of the day:
perhaps love is like the energy, you can't create or destroy it, but you can convert it into other form. it could be motivation,sadness or even happiness. We cant control the birth/death of love, but we can choose on how and what to convert it into.
Just as i have many plans to do today, i got stuck in this tiny place that i have absolute no intention to walk into. Things just happened at the least expected way lately. Not to have a plan is an ideal plan for current stage.
Going off for a long trip real soon. Can feel the excitement from people surround me. Personally, i'm still feeling alright. Sometime i'm feeling grateful and doubtful at the same time for all the things happening around me.i dont feel deserving from time to time, but i'm still receiving all the rewards. As far as my experience count, opportunity given seems to be more important than the effort you put in.
I've done a few great decision for myself to stand at where i am now.soon, i need to decide on my next path.let's pray that once again i make the choices.
For things that i've missed out, i'm still feeling the pain in my heart. I'm not sure if i can claim you back, but i'm trying not to look backward,and find something as good as what you are.no doubt i cant wash away the feeling i lay upon you, but i'm learning to keep it in my heart, trying not to let it spill out and distract my routine life.
People always cherish things that they cant obtained, you just cant deny that.
thought of the day:
perhaps love is like the energy, you can't create or destroy it, but you can convert it into other form. it could be motivation,sadness or even happiness. We cant control the birth/death of love, but we can choose on how and what to convert it into.
the differences
Few weeks back heard this off someone. I cant remember who was the wise man and why did he or she said it, but somehow i remember that particular few sentences of words. Selective listening, men can do the best :)
the situation was unknown, but i heard this "people always said about how they were much happier when they are studying. I reckon the reason behind such thinking is because when we were students, we have a very straight forward goal, passed or Aced the exam. Hence, we have something to achieve or to measure our success or failure. After student life, our goal is way more complicated and abstract, most people dont even know if they failed or succeeded after striving for 20 or 30 years."
Hm...kinda make sense. I know i can get an A as long i start study a week earlier. But now, i can never be sure that i can achieve something as long i spend more time on it.
Good thing is, i know the source of all this uneasy feeling very well. i'm seeking new excitement in work, but the timing is crucial. Dear Mr. cerebrum, Please make it easy for yourself when the time comes.
奇怪的是，我那么的渴望新鲜感，为何我却愚笨的等待妳来溶化那雪藏十年的心。
the situation was unknown, but i heard this "people always said about how they were much happier when they are studying. I reckon the reason behind such thinking is because when we were students, we have a very straight forward goal, passed or Aced the exam. Hence, we have something to achieve or to measure our success or failure. After student life, our goal is way more complicated and abstract, most people dont even know if they failed or succeeded after striving for 20 or 30 years."
Hm...kinda make sense. I know i can get an A as long i start study a week earlier. But now, i can never be sure that i can achieve something as long i spend more time on it.
Good thing is, i know the source of all this uneasy feeling very well. i'm seeking new excitement in work, but the timing is crucial. Dear Mr. cerebrum, Please make it easy for yourself when the time comes.
奇怪的是，我那么的渴望新鲜感，为何我却愚笨的等待妳来溶化那雪藏十年的心。
Shifted
Same house, but different room.
Actually, i'm kind of use to shifting, be it room or house. Interesting thing is, regardless how much i have thrown each time, there is still plenty more of rubbish that i need to discard away during the next shifting. In theory i am an environmentalist, and i despise anyone that litter. however, in reality, i am just a net rubbish producer like anyone else.
Suddenly this picture came into my mind:
The unfortunate group from Philippine that stayed and work at garbage side.
guiltiness filling up my mind fast...and gone.
wonder if i would have sleeping problem tonight.
Actually, i'm kind of use to shifting, be it room or house. Interesting thing is, regardless how much i have thrown each time, there is still plenty more of rubbish that i need to discard away during the next shifting. In theory i am an environmentalist, and i despise anyone that litter. however, in reality, i am just a net rubbish producer like anyone else.
Suddenly this picture came into my mind:
The unfortunate group from Philippine that stayed and work at garbage side.guiltiness filling up my mind fast...and gone.
wonder if i would have sleeping problem tonight.
complicating the simplicity
Just realized how annoying it is to read a blog that has absolute no relation to the title. Yes, i do it all the time too.
Not knowing who you are or only got to know who you are through others; i wonder which is more pathetic.
Not knowing who you are or only got to know who you are through others; i wonder which is more pathetic.
A cut above
After saying no to a number of invitation for countdown celebration, i kind of regret it. Its not because i want to party, but its more of the fact that i want to runaway from the surprise party that my family is hosting...
At the end of the day, i choose to stay in room and bear with the noise, because i think it is still far more bearable compared to the traffic jam. I had a feel of how bad it can be last year, so i've learn that i should either planned early, be there early, or just stay put at home.
The thing is, as the clock is ticking towards 2009, i had a stomach upset. Without thinking much,i went straight to the loo. Just as i want to blast up Japan, i heard fireworks starting to blast the sky.
Happy new year. I told myself, sitting on the toilet bowl, listening to the echoes of fireworks from far.
At the end of the day, i choose to stay in room and bear with the noise, because i think it is still far more bearable compared to the traffic jam. I had a feel of how bad it can be last year, so i've learn that i should either planned early, be there early, or just stay put at home.
The thing is, as the clock is ticking towards 2009, i had a stomach upset. Without thinking much,i went straight to the loo. Just as i want to blast up Japan, i heard fireworks starting to blast the sky.
Happy new year. I told myself, sitting on the toilet bowl, listening to the echoes of fireworks from far.
bandwagon '08
About few months back i saw my friend did a three-quarter review of her 2008 resolution. I sort of look back what i wrote a year ago. impressively, i actually achieved 6/10 for my resolution. In terms of university level, i actually passed the test~~
its actually a happy thing to see urself achieving something u aimed for, especially when its kinda tough to reach it... Obviously there is more can be done to achieve another 4 goals, but hey, i have been living quite a lay back life for the past 20 over years, so i will not be harsh on myself for this.
After writing few appraisal in the hope of receiving miserable pay increment, i have learn that in many ways, its all about percentage. And since i am my own boss, so i shall do my resolution with the percentage game.
1. Maintain my total gross income, with 20% goes to 'cannot be touched fund' and 15% goes to investment.
2. complete my travel blog (god, please give me strength on this~)
3. At least complete the 2 stories that have be swimming in my dream for the past year (maybe this one i need strength from angels~)
4. increase my frequency of exercise/gym to 4 days/week
5. complete a professional papers and an investment program
6. continue trying new games. doing acrobatic stunk with airplane would be a good start :)
7. travel to any random place without prior planning (although high chances this will tarnish my resolution no.1)
8. learn how to use my camera
9. have a solid plan on financing towards a very own SOHO unit.
10. if cant help physically, at least donate money to charity.
11. Concentrate my focus on my decided career path.
last but not least, dont really want to put in into my resolution list, but i think its something i should do. Shy to admit, but i think i should be serious about getting a girl and think about forming a family in few years time. I know its something very much dependent on fate and luck, but having mental preparation for things to happen shouldn't be that bad right? Not saying that i will go out hunting like a warewolf-lah, just spent a bit more time on people that i feel comfortable with.
After all, i do scared that my aunt really bring my cousin and i for match-making..hm....that maybe can be my no.12 resolution.....
its actually a happy thing to see urself achieving something u aimed for, especially when its kinda tough to reach it... Obviously there is more can be done to achieve another 4 goals, but hey, i have been living quite a lay back life for the past 20 over years, so i will not be harsh on myself for this.
After writing few appraisal in the hope of receiving miserable pay increment, i have learn that in many ways, its all about percentage. And since i am my own boss, so i shall do my resolution with the percentage game.
1. Maintain my total gross income, with 20% goes to 'cannot be touched fund' and 15% goes to investment.
2. complete my travel blog (god, please give me strength on this~)
3. At least complete the 2 stories that have be swimming in my dream for the past year (maybe this one i need strength from angels~)
4. increase my frequency of exercise/gym to 4 days/week
5. complete a professional papers and an investment program
6. continue trying new games. doing acrobatic stunk with airplane would be a good start :)
7. travel to any random place without prior planning (although high chances this will tarnish my resolution no.1)
8. learn how to use my camera
9. have a solid plan on financing towards a very own SOHO unit.
10. if cant help physically, at least donate money to charity.
11. Concentrate my focus on my decided career path.
last but not least, dont really want to put in into my resolution list, but i think its something i should do. Shy to admit, but i think i should be serious about getting a girl and think about forming a family in few years time. I know its something very much dependent on fate and luck, but having mental preparation for things to happen shouldn't be that bad right? Not saying that i will go out hunting like a warewolf-lah, just spent a bit more time on people that i feel comfortable with.
After all, i do scared that my aunt really bring my cousin and i for match-making..hm....that maybe can be my no.12 resolution.....
young
Attended F.I.R concert yesterday. Obviously i went because i got free ticket and free transportation. I cant even hum out a single song from the band.
so ya, unsurprisingly, my friend and i only recognized about 3 songs that sang by them, and we spend most time looking at a fan that is wearing working attired which got so passionate about the concert that he non-stop waving his fist on the air.
Maybe we would be more excited if we got better sitting or standing instead of stay seated, but ya, we were pretty much sitting there,watching the whole place go havoc. Nevertheless, we were happy, because we did something different. At the end of the day, we come out with a quote that fits our feeling rather well.
so ya, unsurprisingly, my friend and i only recognized about 3 songs that sang by them, and we spend most time looking at a fan that is wearing working attired which got so passionate about the concert that he non-stop waving his fist on the air.
Maybe we would be more excited if we got better sitting or standing instead of stay seated, but ya, we were pretty much sitting there,watching the whole place go havoc. Nevertheless, we were happy, because we did something different. At the end of the day, we come out with a quote that fits our feeling rather well.
i did something young, just to realize i'm not exactly that young.
apple
being the single soul living in this big house again for the past whole week, and will continue do so for another week. Be it an excuse or not, i've been spending less than 8 hours a day in the house for the past 4 days, and that already included my 6 hours sleeping time. Inevitably, i have not had a proper meal for whole week already.
its nothing big for most of the KL people as most people are not as lucky as me who got hot dinner when i got home every night. But for people like me who has been so indulge in the luxurious of having mum at home, it is definitely something abnormal and it does brought some thought into my mind regarding family.
nevertheless, i lived well alone. After all, i do have all the skills to survive in this city alone. and i do enjoy something i dont do when i'm not alone in the house. Drinking party in my house on weekday is definitely something nostalgic to me, n i got to do it last week.
today had a long working day, got home about 12am. Get into the house, throw in all the working bags on the floor, head off to the room. Then like i turn on auto-mode, i took off my formal attire, and turn on my CD player to the Norah Jones CD (that i am a little bit bored of but i am too lasy to change the CD).Then subconsciouly, i walked to my mini-bar, poured out Bicardi Apple, added ice and sprite into the fat glass cup. I sat on my favourite inclined chairs, sipping the alcohol, close my eye and enjoy the moment of the sweet taste alcohol warming up my chest.
relax-nya, that's what is in my mind now......
its nothing big for most of the KL people as most people are not as lucky as me who got hot dinner when i got home every night. But for people like me who has been so indulge in the luxurious of having mum at home, it is definitely something abnormal and it does brought some thought into my mind regarding family.
nevertheless, i lived well alone. After all, i do have all the skills to survive in this city alone. and i do enjoy something i dont do when i'm not alone in the house. Drinking party in my house on weekday is definitely something nostalgic to me, n i got to do it last week.
today had a long working day, got home about 12am. Get into the house, throw in all the working bags on the floor, head off to the room. Then like i turn on auto-mode, i took off my formal attire, and turn on my CD player to the Norah Jones CD (that i am a little bit bored of but i am too lasy to change the CD).Then subconsciouly, i walked to my mini-bar, poured out Bicardi Apple, added ice and sprite into the fat glass cup. I sat on my favourite inclined chairs, sipping the alcohol, close my eye and enjoy the moment of the sweet taste alcohol warming up my chest.
relax-nya, that's what is in my mind now......
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