contralateral neglect syndrome

i have been infested by this strange feeling for the past couple of hours. its beyond description, but waves of sadness just non stop hitting me. The funny things like, every single part of my body feel all right except my left arm and the heart. there's this unexplained weakness on my left hand. if it keep on having this feel, i will start to believe that i am having contralateral neglect syndrome.
but i am familiar with this funny feeling of my heart. i know i am a science study, but i strongly believe for some unexplained reason, my body secreted vinegar and it is flowing towards my heart slowly. i felt so...sour on my heart...it sounds rediculous to me at first, but when i think it in mandarin, hey in mandarin heart broken/sad 心酸 literally means sour heart~
although its been such a long, but i know extremely well when was the last time i had this feeling....but today,i think this annoying feeling is because i am missing my home. yeap, i miss that blue and white building that i call it home. i miss the frog and insects that annoyed me with their noise in the middle of the night. i miss the fact that i need to turn on air-conditioner in order to keep my sanity. and i miss you,and you, and you, and you.....

thanks to the internet, i never felt that i am far away from everyone. as a matter of fact, sleeping in odd hour actually make me forget that there's time different between you and me. how silly of me to take so long to realise the distance between you and me.

knowing A is busy, B is leaving, C is sad, D is holiday, E is coming back from such far distance just make me felt so strange. i am like a angel that sitting on the cloud overseeing u all busy with your life, seeing you all grow, be sad, be happy while i am living in an eternal life....

being an audience in Germany might be cool, but being an audience of everyone around you, that is just so wrong.....