I sat on the bed, recalling all the advices that i had been receiving since i made a public declaration of wanting being a banker. Not knowing exactly the differences between various banking sector, i just declared my wishes by spamming many HR department and joint one of the establishment with little issue.
Here's the issue, i was not suppose to jump into another industry with little issue. It should be full of rejection, frustration and despair. I have a science degree, which is literally of no use in banking industry besides teaching my boss to be healthy (that is, if, i chose to teach). And so, I cheated my way into the industry by joining the sales sector, which is of course, far more forgiving, as long as you are showing great potential in bringing in the cash.
Perhaps, the environment, and the work experiences have shaped me into a good sales personnel, but the true fact never change; me, wish nothing more than not being the front liner. Let me do the analysis, let me do the research, and i shall grant you my finding.
So, the reality has hit me. Yes, i have joint the industry. Yes, i am getting more resources to learn about financial industry. But the truth is, i am definitely on the wrong path. It may get me to Rome with all the mighty building, but my destination is actually the lay-back Copenhagen.
I need to clear a new path, with the sword name knowledge. Not easy it seems to acquire the sword. Mental strength is the key to lift up the sword. I need to cheer myself up, I need to convince myself that it is possible to walk through the dark forest. Stop hoping for a lucky discovery and escape from here! hold your breath, be all gung-ho, work hard for the next 3 months! A dim light, if not the exit, shall shine on me.
i can do it! this is the only way! let's go for it!!!!!!!!!5 months later, after the hardwork, you will be a changed person. i know you will....yes you will......
i am here to learn....i am here to learn....i am here to learn....i am here to learn......initiate to learn.......initiate to learn... initiate to learn.........
another year older :)
10.30pm, switched off the light. Stared at the darkness for 5second. Wait a second, its my birthday after all, i should really write something down about today...
today pretty much is just another ordinary day. Most of my friend except my ex-colleagues find it so amazing that i actually have no plan for my birthday. Well, i guess only my ex-colleague would know that i am actually not that playful contradict to popular believe. I dunno how, but somehow, these group of people that i spent the most time with for the past 2 years just seems to know something about yourself that most people that are not aware of. But once you are out o the circle, the link between you and them just disappeared in a very rapid way. Wasnt complaining, just writing out a fact that i felt strongly.
yesterday attended a class with a friend/ex-colleague that born on the same day. Greeted happy birthday to each other with french fried few hours before our birthday, the meet up with a friend for a drink. Wasnt planning to do any celebration, it is just so happened that on the eve of my birthday itself, i need to meet up with him for a drink and discuss business related issue.
i have only got to know this guy less than 5 months, but i was enlighten by him in many ways that i am very grateful of. He has very similar vision as i do, but he has been executing it extremely well, which in turn motivated me to work towards the goal (in a different manner though).And so happened a friend of his called him up before the meet up, so 3 of us ended up drinking 2 buckets of beer until 3am, and i only let them know about my birthday when its about 2am. it was really a care free meet up. we were playing cards, laughing, making fun of the only lady, and sipping the beer along with the background R&B.
i felt surprisingly delightful as i was driving back home; a celebration can be just so simple, and yet so enjoyable, even without all your closest friends.
almost all the wishes that i received this year is about me getting a gf. wasnt aware that 26 year old is a threshold for danger. Or maybe they really think i need some luck to get one (that would be really mean....).But its all good, they all mean well after all.....glad that many of them still choose to call me instead of facebook me....well, sms is not the best, but still way better than facebook i reckon....
happy 26th birthday :)
today pretty much is just another ordinary day. Most of my friend except my ex-colleagues find it so amazing that i actually have no plan for my birthday. Well, i guess only my ex-colleague would know that i am actually not that playful contradict to popular believe. I dunno how, but somehow, these group of people that i spent the most time with for the past 2 years just seems to know something about yourself that most people that are not aware of. But once you are out o the circle, the link between you and them just disappeared in a very rapid way. Wasnt complaining, just writing out a fact that i felt strongly.
yesterday attended a class with a friend/ex-colleague that born on the same day. Greeted happy birthday to each other with french fried few hours before our birthday, the meet up with a friend for a drink. Wasnt planning to do any celebration, it is just so happened that on the eve of my birthday itself, i need to meet up with him for a drink and discuss business related issue.
i have only got to know this guy less than 5 months, but i was enlighten by him in many ways that i am very grateful of. He has very similar vision as i do, but he has been executing it extremely well, which in turn motivated me to work towards the goal (in a different manner though).And so happened a friend of his called him up before the meet up, so 3 of us ended up drinking 2 buckets of beer until 3am, and i only let them know about my birthday when its about 2am. it was really a care free meet up. we were playing cards, laughing, making fun of the only lady, and sipping the beer along with the background R&B.
i felt surprisingly delightful as i was driving back home; a celebration can be just so simple, and yet so enjoyable, even without all your closest friends.
almost all the wishes that i received this year is about me getting a gf. wasnt aware that 26 year old is a threshold for danger. Or maybe they really think i need some luck to get one (that would be really mean....).But its all good, they all mean well after all.....glad that many of them still choose to call me instead of facebook me....well, sms is not the best, but still way better than facebook i reckon....
happy 26th birthday :)
emotion...
i always thought that i am actually quite a calm person, and i can hide my emotion well. But during the CNY when i was playing texas poker with my buddies, i was always at the losing end. So i started to think i am actually quite emotionally driven, contradict to what i believe in.
then today i started a trading that i have been learning for quite a while. To my surprise, i was so attached to the trade that i find myself so hard not to look at it, and my heart beat just goes up and down along with the graph.
was i never a rational person? strange...i always thought i am.....
then today i started a trading that i have been learning for quite a while. To my surprise, i was so attached to the trade that i find myself so hard not to look at it, and my heart beat just goes up and down along with the graph.
was i never a rational person? strange...i always thought i am.....
around the world....
traveling around the world might be THE dream for most human being, but i doubt other species would be happy with such an idea....
Africa abalone, California geoduck, Autralia lobster, Sabah Sun Hong Fish, Oyster and Snow crab from the deep blue sea; traveled across the globe for the sole purpose of filling up my tummy. Well done guys, you have found a great place to call it home :)
before the dinner, watched "up in the air", which is about a man who pretty much traveled the whole America on a daily basis. The movie challenge the idea of 'home' and it does gave me an impact on the meaning of spending our time in between places. What if, i travel as much as he does? what if, flying is the only way to comfort my soul? what if?
compared to my cousin, i wouldnt dare said that i travel frequent, but it is good enough to connect both of us to the movie. sitting alone in the airport, partially enjoying the artificial friendly environment, allowing the monitor signboard to dictate our duration in the waiting lounge.
This is life...
This is life?
this is life!
this, is life.
As the seafood traveling to my tummy, was i, at same time, traveling into someone's fishing net?
not a bad way to end my CNY indeed.
Africa abalone, California geoduck, Autralia lobster, Sabah Sun Hong Fish, Oyster and Snow crab from the deep blue sea; traveled across the globe for the sole purpose of filling up my tummy. Well done guys, you have found a great place to call it home :)
before the dinner, watched "up in the air", which is about a man who pretty much traveled the whole America on a daily basis. The movie challenge the idea of 'home' and it does gave me an impact on the meaning of spending our time in between places. What if, i travel as much as he does? what if, flying is the only way to comfort my soul? what if?
compared to my cousin, i wouldnt dare said that i travel frequent, but it is good enough to connect both of us to the movie. sitting alone in the airport, partially enjoying the artificial friendly environment, allowing the monitor signboard to dictate our duration in the waiting lounge.
This is life...
This is life?
this is life!
this, is life.
As the seafood traveling to my tummy, was i, at same time, traveling into someone's fishing net?
not a bad way to end my CNY indeed.
a looooooooooong grumble
last week i was stucked in Indonesia Embassy for almost 7 hours doing nothing. It was a favor asked by my uncle, and being deemed as the family member that pretty much contributes nothing to the rest, i was being volunteered to do the donkey job.
so i was dead bored, and start writing words on my phone until it ran out of battery....dont think it makes much sense even to myself, but i do want to keep it online for future reference. after all, it is a form self reflection....
warning- really really long post......
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stucked in the indonesia embassy. Feeling extremely bored. Couldn't find any newspaper, and there's no Digi man in the waiting area, so i cant talk to people over the phone. But oh well, not many ppl can talk to me at 10am, can they?I guess this is one of the few occasion that i actually feel grateful about having this window mobile...no one to talk to? Fear not! Talk to yourself!
Hasnt been really talking to myself for a while now. Occasionally i did question myself on several issues, but i guess that is more of a talking than communicating.So what should i talk to myself? Had enough career stuff, let's talk something light....hm...how's family? Well, dad is still the same,forgetten half, n remember the rest. Not sure when he picked up the habit of mopping the floor, washing the car, and flipping over the hanging cloths whenever he is home, but he is doing it on a daily basis. Its not that mum or maid not doing it, but he just has to do it again. Scolded him in many occasions, but he still doing it. Now i am accepting it as a norm, but deep down kinda worry that these are parts of the syndrome for alzheimer's disease.Spent some money on checking it, but nothing seems to be wrong. But like my friend said, since there is virtually nothing you can do even u r sure about the disease, what is actually the purpose of knowing it? I ponder on this question for several nights.
How about mum? Mum is all right, definitely enjoying her life much more compared to year before. Its been lousy for past few years,but things are going the good way. She is having this group of dancing friend that she can hang out in mamak until wee hour. This is very encouraging for a later past 50 years old. At least she is having a good social life. But having said that, i know she has her own issue as well. She need to deal with dad that is always forgetful, n hotter temper compared to few years back. And seeing my dad doing domestic works always getting into her nerves. And she is definitely getting more white hairs. She never mentioned it, but lately i do realized mum n dad is actually always manage the money in a way that is just enough to cover. She never ask money from us, or letting us know how it is actually, but they just capable of going through all kind of ups and down. If not because they brought it over casually, i wouldnt know that the reason that she always cooked stingray during form 1 was because that is the only type of meat she could afford. And i always thought it was because dad like it.
I am so grateful that i was never a big spender, i dont even own a single magazine/toy/comics after i was 10. The funny thing is, parents never stop me from buying all this, as much as it might actually became a burden to them. So with such blessing in disguise, i was surprisingly brought up without any financial issues in my head (although its like THE problem all the time to my parent)Nowadays the biggest headache for my mum is to how to estimate dinner as my sister and i tend to have dinner with friend in ad hoc basis. Thanks to all the chinese drama and a little bit of own experience, i understand such frustration better, and not seeing it as a small issue compare to work issue anymore...after all, for mum, domestic issue is equivalent to our work's issue, and who has the right to say it is less important compare to works?so nowadays i always mentioned in advance, n hopefully she will feel better in such way.Then by far i guess i am her biggest problem at the moment. She always worried that i have not enough money, (which sometimes is true),or not saving enough for future.
Well, me being single is beginning to worry her as well. Sigh...all i can said is, this 2 issue is very much related. Once things going the right way, i will try to engage in relationship and keep her from worrying things. After all, it is kinda humiliating to be worried over this issue, like i am incapable of attracting the fairer sex.My 3 sisters? Each of them have their own issues,but they are having their own kind of happiness as well. I would dare said they will not trade anything for current life at all. Well, most of the issues are money related, and if money is the only issues, it will not be an issue eventually. I have faith in them, n having a small faith in myself that i will make it and ease any money related issue.Me? I would said that i am equiping myself with lots of stuff. Like a soldier that has been training in a virtual war. Still waiting for the commander to call upon into real war, and not sure if what i learn is useful in real war.I have been telling myself i am still young, so just take things slowly and learning should be the priority. But at the same time, i am worried that my parent cant wait. What if alzheimer kick in? This is always the torn inside me that poking me occasionally. I dont mind failing and start from zero, but can my parent handle it?Well, dont think i will start from zero. Doubt tat i will compromise till that degree.
i am sincerely believing that if i wan a sales job, i can grant it in a month time, but i will probably be a very unhappy man. There is just so many things i wan to give it a shot, so much so that i am reluctant to repeat whatever i have done. Silly may it sound, but i seek excitement in life above many things. And yet it is only applicable to certain issue only. Relationship wise, i am rather loyal, and wants nothing more than a simple love. A simple happiness, like a walk in the park, cooking dinner for each other,or a kiss on forehead everyday when i wake up is good enough for me. I hates complication, so i tend to keep things simple, but it never do. Just realized i have an issue of deciding. But once i made the decision, i take the action wayyy to fast that i ignore the changes occur that maybe i should not be making a decision at all. So if someone ask why i do that, the honest answer would have been i am not too sure, i was just following what i had decided not so long ago, but cant remember how i come out with that decision.
Phew....this is such a long wait, i am beginning to run out of things to write. 26 more to go, i hope....the number is just jumping around in a manner that perhaps only the staff understand.Okey, writer's block....lets talk about the embassy. Seriously, this is definitely a busy embassy. Not often you would see 25 counters that are working all at once. Or maybe, i am just too use to seeing empty counter in government agency that i find it impressive about something that it should have been. Just like any agency, they have the issue of smiling.
Seriously, it's not that costly to smile right....the security of the embassy is really loose i think, but i guess if you dont do so, you will have thousand of people queuing on the main tun razak road, which is definitely disastrous. Or perhaps, its only loose in the public section. Actual side may be rather strict. But then again, its indonesia embassy, doubt anyone would throw something into them. One thing really good about the embassy is that they actually provide free photo shooting and free photocopy, and they are charging their passport for rm18 only. We malaysian pay freaking rm300 and yet we dont even have all these services! Seriously, our passport is way to overprice. And 2 days ago they actually proudly saying that they have upgraded the security and not charging extra on public because they are understanding of current economy.
Ofcoz you wouldnt, because it has been overprice all this while. Increasing the fees to rm300 was only a temporary measurement during asia economic crisis as a method of discouraging people from going oversea. And now it became a form of steady income for the government. All this can be done without furore is because it is passed in the parliment like any other funny regulations. What to do, it will never have any objection, or else diciplinary action can be taken. Thank god things are changing,well, slowly, but definitely changing. I know a lot of people are frustrated with current condition and rather not have any change. But people, think long term! It is extremely important for us to continue to bite on the bitter path, and keep pushing forward. It may take a while to remove the huge rock, but just keep pushing, the day of pushing over the rock is near!
I am tired....sleepy....tired.....sleepy
so i was dead bored, and start writing words on my phone until it ran out of battery....dont think it makes much sense even to myself, but i do want to keep it online for future reference. after all, it is a form self reflection....
warning- really really long post......
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stucked in the indonesia embassy. Feeling extremely bored. Couldn't find any newspaper, and there's no Digi man in the waiting area, so i cant talk to people over the phone. But oh well, not many ppl can talk to me at 10am, can they?I guess this is one of the few occasion that i actually feel grateful about having this window mobile...no one to talk to? Fear not! Talk to yourself!
Hasnt been really talking to myself for a while now. Occasionally i did question myself on several issues, but i guess that is more of a talking than communicating.So what should i talk to myself? Had enough career stuff, let's talk something light....hm...how's family? Well, dad is still the same,forgetten half, n remember the rest. Not sure when he picked up the habit of mopping the floor, washing the car, and flipping over the hanging cloths whenever he is home, but he is doing it on a daily basis. Its not that mum or maid not doing it, but he just has to do it again. Scolded him in many occasions, but he still doing it. Now i am accepting it as a norm, but deep down kinda worry that these are parts of the syndrome for alzheimer's disease.Spent some money on checking it, but nothing seems to be wrong. But like my friend said, since there is virtually nothing you can do even u r sure about the disease, what is actually the purpose of knowing it? I ponder on this question for several nights.
How about mum? Mum is all right, definitely enjoying her life much more compared to year before. Its been lousy for past few years,but things are going the good way. She is having this group of dancing friend that she can hang out in mamak until wee hour. This is very encouraging for a later past 50 years old. At least she is having a good social life. But having said that, i know she has her own issue as well. She need to deal with dad that is always forgetful, n hotter temper compared to few years back. And seeing my dad doing domestic works always getting into her nerves. And she is definitely getting more white hairs. She never mentioned it, but lately i do realized mum n dad is actually always manage the money in a way that is just enough to cover. She never ask money from us, or letting us know how it is actually, but they just capable of going through all kind of ups and down. If not because they brought it over casually, i wouldnt know that the reason that she always cooked stingray during form 1 was because that is the only type of meat she could afford. And i always thought it was because dad like it.
I am so grateful that i was never a big spender, i dont even own a single magazine/toy/comics after i was 10. The funny thing is, parents never stop me from buying all this, as much as it might actually became a burden to them. So with such blessing in disguise, i was surprisingly brought up without any financial issues in my head (although its like THE problem all the time to my parent)Nowadays the biggest headache for my mum is to how to estimate dinner as my sister and i tend to have dinner with friend in ad hoc basis. Thanks to all the chinese drama and a little bit of own experience, i understand such frustration better, and not seeing it as a small issue compare to work issue anymore...after all, for mum, domestic issue is equivalent to our work's issue, and who has the right to say it is less important compare to works?so nowadays i always mentioned in advance, n hopefully she will feel better in such way.Then by far i guess i am her biggest problem at the moment. She always worried that i have not enough money, (which sometimes is true),or not saving enough for future.
Well, me being single is beginning to worry her as well. Sigh...all i can said is, this 2 issue is very much related. Once things going the right way, i will try to engage in relationship and keep her from worrying things. After all, it is kinda humiliating to be worried over this issue, like i am incapable of attracting the fairer sex.My 3 sisters? Each of them have their own issues,but they are having their own kind of happiness as well. I would dare said they will not trade anything for current life at all. Well, most of the issues are money related, and if money is the only issues, it will not be an issue eventually. I have faith in them, n having a small faith in myself that i will make it and ease any money related issue.Me? I would said that i am equiping myself with lots of stuff. Like a soldier that has been training in a virtual war. Still waiting for the commander to call upon into real war, and not sure if what i learn is useful in real war.I have been telling myself i am still young, so just take things slowly and learning should be the priority. But at the same time, i am worried that my parent cant wait. What if alzheimer kick in? This is always the torn inside me that poking me occasionally. I dont mind failing and start from zero, but can my parent handle it?Well, dont think i will start from zero. Doubt tat i will compromise till that degree.
i am sincerely believing that if i wan a sales job, i can grant it in a month time, but i will probably be a very unhappy man. There is just so many things i wan to give it a shot, so much so that i am reluctant to repeat whatever i have done. Silly may it sound, but i seek excitement in life above many things. And yet it is only applicable to certain issue only. Relationship wise, i am rather loyal, and wants nothing more than a simple love. A simple happiness, like a walk in the park, cooking dinner for each other,or a kiss on forehead everyday when i wake up is good enough for me. I hates complication, so i tend to keep things simple, but it never do. Just realized i have an issue of deciding. But once i made the decision, i take the action wayyy to fast that i ignore the changes occur that maybe i should not be making a decision at all. So if someone ask why i do that, the honest answer would have been i am not too sure, i was just following what i had decided not so long ago, but cant remember how i come out with that decision.
Phew....this is such a long wait, i am beginning to run out of things to write. 26 more to go, i hope....the number is just jumping around in a manner that perhaps only the staff understand.Okey, writer's block....lets talk about the embassy. Seriously, this is definitely a busy embassy. Not often you would see 25 counters that are working all at once. Or maybe, i am just too use to seeing empty counter in government agency that i find it impressive about something that it should have been. Just like any agency, they have the issue of smiling.
Seriously, it's not that costly to smile right....the security of the embassy is really loose i think, but i guess if you dont do so, you will have thousand of people queuing on the main tun razak road, which is definitely disastrous. Or perhaps, its only loose in the public section. Actual side may be rather strict. But then again, its indonesia embassy, doubt anyone would throw something into them. One thing really good about the embassy is that they actually provide free photo shooting and free photocopy, and they are charging their passport for rm18 only. We malaysian pay freaking rm300 and yet we dont even have all these services! Seriously, our passport is way to overprice. And 2 days ago they actually proudly saying that they have upgraded the security and not charging extra on public because they are understanding of current economy.
Ofcoz you wouldnt, because it has been overprice all this while. Increasing the fees to rm300 was only a temporary measurement during asia economic crisis as a method of discouraging people from going oversea. And now it became a form of steady income for the government. All this can be done without furore is because it is passed in the parliment like any other funny regulations. What to do, it will never have any objection, or else diciplinary action can be taken. Thank god things are changing,well, slowly, but definitely changing. I know a lot of people are frustrated with current condition and rather not have any change. But people, think long term! It is extremely important for us to continue to bite on the bitter path, and keep pushing forward. It may take a while to remove the huge rock, but just keep pushing, the day of pushing over the rock is near!
I am tired....sleepy....tired.....sleepy
Down
DJ: Ms Sabrina, who do you want to dedicate the next song to?
Sabrina: i wanna dedicate the next song to all my course mate, wishing them all the best for the exam in the later afternoon.
DJ: okey, here's the song for Sabrina and her course mate, Jay Sean - "down"
*music roll in*
"Baby are you DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN~~"
i was literally cracking after hearing this...Come on DJ, are you sure you about your songs selection?
Sabrina: i wanna dedicate the next song to all my course mate, wishing them all the best for the exam in the later afternoon.
DJ: okey, here's the song for Sabrina and her course mate, Jay Sean - "down"
*music roll in*
"Baby are you DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN~~"
i was literally cracking after hearing this...Come on DJ, are you sure you about your songs selection?
its not that simple
没那麼简单 就能找到 聊得来的伴
its not that simple, to find a partner that can talk to
尤其是在 看过了那麼多的背叛
especially,after seeing all these betrayals
总是不安 只好强悍
always insecure, has to toughen up
谁谋杀了我的浪漫
who killed all my romance
没那麼简单 就能去爱 别的全不看
its not that simple, to love, without seeing anything else
变得实际 也许好也许坏各一半
being realistic, perhaps is half good, half bad.
不爱孤单 一久也习惯
dont like to be alone, but its been long enough to get use to
不用担心谁 也不用被谁管
not worrying anyone, and not being controlled.
感觉快乐就忙东忙西
busy myself when i am feeling happy
感觉累了就放空自己
do nothing when i am tired
别人说的话 随便听一听 自己作决定
whatever others said, just listen, and decide myself
不想拥有太多情绪
do not wish to own too much emotion
一杯红酒配電影
a glass of wine plus a movie
在周末晚上 关上了
over the weekend night, shut off
手机 舒服窝在沙发裡
handphone, lying on the sofa comfortably
相爱没有那麼容易 每个人有他的脾气
love is not that simple, everyone has their own temper
过了爱作梦的年纪 轰轰烈烈不如平静
past the age of dreaming, a simple relationship is better off than a crazy love
幸福没有那麼容易 才会特别让人著迷
happiness is not that simple, hence its so mesmerizing
什麼都不懂的年纪
at the age of knowing nothing
曾经最掏心 所以最开心 曾经
used to whole-heartedly love someone, hence the happiest. used to.
想念最伤心 但却最动心 的记忆
missing someone hurts the most, and yet its the most touching memory.
yes, perhaps we can
As much as i am willing to believe that our beloved PM truly inspire to change the whole political scene, there's still this massive torn in my hearts (n perhaps many malaysian's heart) that making to doubt the success of GTP or 1Malaysia.
I grew up with lots of friends irregardless of races, as long we can understand each other. And everything seems to be fine until when i was form 4, the adults begin to tell me about sekolah asrama and the blah blah blah, or get some final exam paper from sekolah asrama because their questions would be very close to actual examination. Then i start to realize discrepancies among treatment we received. The scholarship stories then got really loud from my years onwards. The older i get, the more stories i heard that i begin to doubt the country that i once i know of, the one that i was taught during primary school.
after away from the education system for good few years, i know very well, education system, is the core of the current situation. Biro tetangga is a well known issue, and to my surprise, the reformist actually failed to convince the conservatives to eradicated it. Instead, 1malaysia concept is implemented into. And seriously, would the lecturers that have been organizing the program in their way will listen to what it is being suggested?
Then follow by the local university election. It is just disgusting to see how the guard, the school administrator controlling the scene like the final judge. No matter what reason it is, it is just wrong for school administrator to even bud into school election that is suppose to be student's representative. Its just plain ridiculous to know the student representatives need to decide which side they are on for the election. ITS STUDENTS' REPRESENTATIVE FOR GOODNESS SAKE.....as the name it is suggested, should be elected by the students and for the students.
the tipping point of my disappointment towards the reform program is definitely the media control by the current government. To make things worse, some people get arrested by writing nonsense over the internet, but some people can just accuse people as they wish, front page! it is angry enough to know they are protected by the invisible shield, and no, they have to tell us that, hey, i am so safe that i even call myself awang selamat!
it is the triumph of the conservatives so far, and as much as i want to optimistic, i am not seeing any sign of them going down. The youth group that is once well known for extremity, is surprisingly open minded since the special one took the seat, but the supporters are not happy about it judging from the news.
i am not asking so much, let's just start by giving up the special rights in media coverage, and yes, perhaps we can.
I grew up with lots of friends irregardless of races, as long we can understand each other. And everything seems to be fine until when i was form 4, the adults begin to tell me about sekolah asrama and the blah blah blah, or get some final exam paper from sekolah asrama because their questions would be very close to actual examination. Then i start to realize discrepancies among treatment we received. The scholarship stories then got really loud from my years onwards. The older i get, the more stories i heard that i begin to doubt the country that i once i know of, the one that i was taught during primary school.
after away from the education system for good few years, i know very well, education system, is the core of the current situation. Biro tetangga is a well known issue, and to my surprise, the reformist actually failed to convince the conservatives to eradicated it. Instead, 1malaysia concept is implemented into. And seriously, would the lecturers that have been organizing the program in their way will listen to what it is being suggested?
Then follow by the local university election. It is just disgusting to see how the guard, the school administrator controlling the scene like the final judge. No matter what reason it is, it is just wrong for school administrator to even bud into school election that is suppose to be student's representative. Its just plain ridiculous to know the student representatives need to decide which side they are on for the election. ITS STUDENTS' REPRESENTATIVE FOR GOODNESS SAKE.....as the name it is suggested, should be elected by the students and for the students.
the tipping point of my disappointment towards the reform program is definitely the media control by the current government. To make things worse, some people get arrested by writing nonsense over the internet, but some people can just accuse people as they wish, front page! it is angry enough to know they are protected by the invisible shield, and no, they have to tell us that, hey, i am so safe that i even call myself awang selamat!
it is the triumph of the conservatives so far, and as much as i want to optimistic, i am not seeing any sign of them going down. The youth group that is once well known for extremity, is surprisingly open minded since the special one took the seat, but the supporters are not happy about it judging from the news.
i am not asking so much, let's just start by giving up the special rights in media coverage, and yes, perhaps we can.
is honesty really the best policy?
i am quite an honest person, well...no one ever tell me that, but that's how i would rate myself as. I dont cheat on girl, i dont do backstabbing (always do it in his/her face,ha~)
well, i felt kinda gutted for being honest today. Did an online assessment test, something like a talent assessment for this trainee program. Since its a personality test, and i have always been a team player, so i dont see any wrong of answering the question base on how i feel irregardless it will reflect good or bad side of me. I was quite confident about this because i dont think ANYONE will actually kick out candidate base on personality, and even if they do so, why would they do that to someone that is a team player according to test?
and guess what, i DIDNT PASS THE TEST~ just because i am being honest, just because i tend to choose answer that showing i am more of the top percentile group instead of the top leaders, just because i am more of a good follower in the group instead of the leader, they failed me!!
So i should cheat my way to get through the test? or maybe lying is a sign that you are competitive (thus can be a leader), so you deserve to be in the next round?
it is either that i am really not suitable for this program, or this personality test is really a stupid criteria to have.
still thinking how should i answer this type of test if it happen again ---to be or not to be, that is the question......
well, i felt kinda gutted for being honest today. Did an online assessment test, something like a talent assessment for this trainee program. Since its a personality test, and i have always been a team player, so i dont see any wrong of answering the question base on how i feel irregardless it will reflect good or bad side of me. I was quite confident about this because i dont think ANYONE will actually kick out candidate base on personality, and even if they do so, why would they do that to someone that is a team player according to test?
and guess what, i DIDNT PASS THE TEST~ just because i am being honest, just because i tend to choose answer that showing i am more of the top percentile group instead of the top leaders, just because i am more of a good follower in the group instead of the leader, they failed me!!
So i should cheat my way to get through the test? or maybe lying is a sign that you are competitive (thus can be a leader), so you deserve to be in the next round?
it is either that i am really not suitable for this program, or this personality test is really a stupid criteria to have.
still thinking how should i answer this type of test if it happen again ---to be or not to be, that is the question......
Me 3.0
most people that i know of takes many years of mistake become they come to realize what we want in life. its funny how we capable to learn more through the painful way. It the logic stay right, the younger generation are way more rebellious than we were are due to the fact that they have undergo way too little painful experience. In fact, most parent will sue the teacher when the children got canned nowadays, compared to the good old days. I will never let my father know that i got canned, because i would definitely got beaten for the second time as he believe i must have done something wrong to deserve it. But, i do think the younger generation are more creative as they live in a more open environment, or perhaps its just a form of Darwin's survivor theory.
had a rather intellectual conversation with this good friend of mine that is like milesss away. Well, its actually through facebook message, so dont think it should be call a conversation. But there are words that really lighten my heart a lot. she understand me in many ways naturally, and we are equally care free, so i guess that's what make us good friend.
i was telling her that i am lacking some reason or motivation, hence i am considering moving on. She replied saying that i dont need any motivation, because an unmotivated person is someone that will stay there as it is and feeling numb about everything. In a way she actually pointed out many doubts of mine, i dunno why, it just give me some assurance to make a decision.
yes indeed i am ready to gear up for yet another phase. I did doubt myself that how can i not even try hard enough in 2.0 before i move up to another version? but now i kinda understand, me 2.0 is like window vista, its really crap, so its ok to be laugh at, its ok to be short, just toughen up and shift the gear.
today heard a news about these awards that would have been mine go to my colleague. I am really happy for her as she did put so much effort into it, but still feeling a bit painful to know how much have i let go in the process of searching myself. I will take it all back, or maybe by then, it doesnt matter anymore....
had a rather intellectual conversation with this good friend of mine that is like milesss away. Well, its actually through facebook message, so dont think it should be call a conversation. But there are words that really lighten my heart a lot. she understand me in many ways naturally, and we are equally care free, so i guess that's what make us good friend.
i was telling her that i am lacking some reason or motivation, hence i am considering moving on. She replied saying that i dont need any motivation, because an unmotivated person is someone that will stay there as it is and feeling numb about everything. In a way she actually pointed out many doubts of mine, i dunno why, it just give me some assurance to make a decision.
yes indeed i am ready to gear up for yet another phase. I did doubt myself that how can i not even try hard enough in 2.0 before i move up to another version? but now i kinda understand, me 2.0 is like window vista, its really crap, so its ok to be laugh at, its ok to be short, just toughen up and shift the gear.
today heard a news about these awards that would have been mine go to my colleague. I am really happy for her as she did put so much effort into it, but still feeling a bit painful to know how much have i let go in the process of searching myself. I will take it all back, or maybe by then, it doesnt matter anymore....
year 2010
ok, this is kinda late, but it all thanks to 2 weeks of crazy lifestyle i had with my friend from NZ. the only 3 things that i have done for the past 3 weeks were probably drink, dance, drive, and doze off. oh wait, that's 4 things.
so after almost month long of celebration, its time to face the year ahead. I cant help but to fear for the coming 300 more days ahead. For the past 4 months, all i did was to do the groundwork for the coming year 2010.
The year has arrived, and many things are actually ready to run. I cant help myself but keep asking myself, what if i fail....i know, for the first time, this is the year that define myself...like my country, year 2010, is the year of 'reckoning'. this year, is the year that i proved to myself that i am right to make all this decision. So many people has gave me the strength, and the person that doubt the most is actually myself. I need to discover my reason to believe in it, the reason to move on, the reason to have no regret.
so year 2010, again, will be more or less similar to year 2009 as i am far from achieving it.
1. read at least 30min of books before going to bed - i think its time to rediscover my love for books. starting to feel myself mentally empty with low creativity, definitely has much to do with the avoidance of reading for past whole year.
2. exercise the 10min workout set taught by Siva every morning to start the day with some sweat.
3. 1 day of random new skill (at the moment is hip hop), 1 day of badminton or squash, 3 days of gym per week - i realized i do care about my appearance much more than i perceived. Being active in sports has the benefit of strong will power, and better body shape that definitely boost up my self-esteem that is currently hovering at all time low
4. raise my yearly income to above RM60,000 once again, which translate to RM5000 a month - seriously, i am not so much of a money minded person. But i realized,as a young adult, you need to love money to a certain degree or else you will be lacking the desire to strive for your career. So i need to love more on seeing big figure in my bank account and dream of giving the best to my family.
5. go for a spontaneous trip with friend - being spontaneous has always been part of my life, so i definitely want to continue keeping that in mind.
6.schedule work and play time in the right ratio - being a self-employed making myself spending lots of time doing nothing, and this is definitely and must do thing for this year!
7. complete my CFP, and keep the option of challenging CIFP in mind - unless i failed, or else this shouldnt be an issued. 5 years goals - established certain reputation that is sensible enough to take up CFA
8. make profit from the trading progam - i have spent so much in it, and i know this will either be my biggest let down, or biggest surprise for the year, so i put you in lucky no. 8.
9. purchase a ~RM120,000 car in december - was thinking of owning a house, but reckon the probability is rather low, so might as well not writing it down.
10. donate money for charity - i will keep this in my mind for sure this year (friends that are claiming themselve to be charitable are excluded since its is quite an obvious lie)
11. spend time writing down journal /story at least 4 times a week - travel log has to be updated to current year or else it is becoming pointless soon. and talking to myself do help me in many ways. As such, i wan to discipline to continue doing so.
12. forget the past, and move on in terms of relationship, take things slowly - i have been living in the shadow for long enough, and for the first time, i felt more prepared than ever to move on. Not going to be desperate or the i dont care attitude.but if the right one appear, will not hesitate as it use to be, anymore.
13. the most important of all, find the reasons to achieve all this. with nothing to inspire on, all this will just plain talk.
wish me luck
so after almost month long of celebration, its time to face the year ahead. I cant help but to fear for the coming 300 more days ahead. For the past 4 months, all i did was to do the groundwork for the coming year 2010.
The year has arrived, and many things are actually ready to run. I cant help myself but keep asking myself, what if i fail....i know, for the first time, this is the year that define myself...like my country, year 2010, is the year of 'reckoning'. this year, is the year that i proved to myself that i am right to make all this decision. So many people has gave me the strength, and the person that doubt the most is actually myself. I need to discover my reason to believe in it, the reason to move on, the reason to have no regret.
so year 2010, again, will be more or less similar to year 2009 as i am far from achieving it.
1. read at least 30min of books before going to bed - i think its time to rediscover my love for books. starting to feel myself mentally empty with low creativity, definitely has much to do with the avoidance of reading for past whole year.
2. exercise the 10min workout set taught by Siva every morning to start the day with some sweat.
3. 1 day of random new skill (at the moment is hip hop), 1 day of badminton or squash, 3 days of gym per week - i realized i do care about my appearance much more than i perceived. Being active in sports has the benefit of strong will power, and better body shape that definitely boost up my self-esteem that is currently hovering at all time low
4. raise my yearly income to above RM60,000 once again, which translate to RM5000 a month - seriously, i am not so much of a money minded person. But i realized,as a young adult, you need to love money to a certain degree or else you will be lacking the desire to strive for your career. So i need to love more on seeing big figure in my bank account and dream of giving the best to my family.
5. go for a spontaneous trip with friend - being spontaneous has always been part of my life, so i definitely want to continue keeping that in mind.
6.schedule work and play time in the right ratio - being a self-employed making myself spending lots of time doing nothing, and this is definitely and must do thing for this year!
7. complete my CFP, and keep the option of challenging CIFP in mind - unless i failed, or else this shouldnt be an issued. 5 years goals - established certain reputation that is sensible enough to take up CFA
8. make profit from the trading progam - i have spent so much in it, and i know this will either be my biggest let down, or biggest surprise for the year, so i put you in lucky no. 8.
9. purchase a ~RM120,000 car in december - was thinking of owning a house, but reckon the probability is rather low, so might as well not writing it down.
10. donate money for charity - i will keep this in my mind for sure this year (friends that are claiming themselve to be charitable are excluded since its is quite an obvious lie)
11. spend time writing down journal /story at least 4 times a week - travel log has to be updated to current year or else it is becoming pointless soon. and talking to myself do help me in many ways. As such, i wan to discipline to continue doing so.
12. forget the past, and move on in terms of relationship, take things slowly - i have been living in the shadow for long enough, and for the first time, i felt more prepared than ever to move on. Not going to be desperate or the i dont care attitude.but if the right one appear, will not hesitate as it use to be, anymore.
13. the most important of all, find the reasons to achieve all this. with nothing to inspire on, all this will just plain talk.
wish me luck
review of 09 resolution...
so here's the big boasted promised that i made in early 2008, n how i failed most of it,ha...
1. Maintain my total gross income, with 20% goes to 'cannot be touched fund' and 15% goes to investment.
-fail, gross income drop, n no saving in whatsoever, but that's due to change of game plan along t way,so no complain...
2. complete my travel blog (god, please give me strength on this~)
2. complete my travel blog (god, please give me strength on this~)
-well, i did complete year 2006, so maybe a B- for this,haha
3. At least complete the 2 stories that have be swimming in my dream for the past year (maybe this one i need strength from angels~)- fail big times....in fact thinking of not writing the story, got some other story in mind instead (hey, this sound bad)
4. increase my frequency of exercise/gym to 4 days/week-only to probably 2 times a week, so FAIL~
5. complete a professional papers and an investment program-didnt complete, but definitely doing it at the fastest track i can find, so one big TICK~
6. continue trying new games. doing acrobatic stunk with airplane would be a good start :)- quite hard to fail this i guess, its fun stuff anyway, so ya, i did rock climbing :)
7. travel to any random place without prior planning (although high chances this will tarnish my resolution no.1)- i ended up did 2, 1 in langkawi alone for a very good relaxing beach side holiday, another 1 is just ended bali trip that can only explained by t word crazy, so BIG TICK
8. learn how to use my camera-well, its almost broken now, so this resolution is pointless now
9. have a solid plan on financing towards a very own SOHO unit.- pathway is definitely clearer now, but no solid plan is formed, fail....
10. if cant help physically, at least donate money to charity.- feel so shameful for not achieving this...
11. Concentrate my focus on my decided career path.- in certain way, yes it is...
12. erm.....getting a gf...
-why did i put it there to embarrassed myself for again? hm...just to make myself feel better, met lots of interesting ladies throughout the year, but so far, i am content to have all of them as friend (a very nice way to say that i am still single,haha...)
so, i guess i total i score about 4 out of 11 ~35% achieved....this is definitely lower than the previous year.....so you would say its not such a good year to me, n definitely there is lots of confusion invovle throughout the year, but yeah...its time to move on, n talk about 2010 resolution~~~
job
i had a very good pay job in a very huge company. And hence, people just cant stop asking me why do i choose to quit.
dont think i ever answer them in the same manner. Well, that's because i never really answered it.
the truth can be hurtful and insulting, even to myself. So I choose not to mention it. It is quite amazing because sometimes i can even forgotten about the reason behind it.
thanks to all the incidental scenarios, i am quite aware now.
indeed, i've made a wrong decision that i have no regret making it.
"what if it fails?"
"i have no back up plan at all, so i have no idea."
"start from scratch?"
"start from scratch."
dont think i ever answer them in the same manner. Well, that's because i never really answered it.
the truth can be hurtful and insulting, even to myself. So I choose not to mention it. It is quite amazing because sometimes i can even forgotten about the reason behind it.
thanks to all the incidental scenarios, i am quite aware now.
indeed, i've made a wrong decision that i have no regret making it.
"what if it fails?"
"i have no back up plan at all, so i have no idea."
"start from scratch?"
"start from scratch."
stereophonics - nothing compare 2 u
the voice explained everything....
(u might wanna turn off the background music first)
Nothing Compares 2 U - Stereophonics
(u might wanna turn off the background music first)
Nothing Compares 2 U - Stereophonics
resolution
"do you write down your new year resolution?"
" i did it without aware of it, because i wrote it in my blog, ha!"
"wow.... i'm impressed"
So thanks to the blog, i actually wrote down my new year resolution for the past few years. Interestingly, i do achieved quite a number of it. However, the is one resolution that has been reappearing in the list, which is to complete my travel log, and my long story.
i thought its gonna be easy to achieve it, but somehow i just keep dragging it again and again. so today after i completed my travel log in year 2006, i felt so proud of myself, ha~
2007~ here i come!
" i did it without aware of it, because i wrote it in my blog, ha!"
"wow.... i'm impressed"
So thanks to the blog, i actually wrote down my new year resolution for the past few years. Interestingly, i do achieved quite a number of it. However, the is one resolution that has been reappearing in the list, which is to complete my travel log, and my long story.
i thought its gonna be easy to achieve it, but somehow i just keep dragging it again and again. so today after i completed my travel log in year 2006, i felt so proud of myself, ha~
2007~ here i come!
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