this month i have like millions of hours for self reflection, but most of the time i ended up sleeping, which is normal knowing the fact i choose to do it lying down on my bed and the super comfortable memory pillow (i am actually missing it already by just mentioning the name).
i am still far from being sure of what i am looking forward to. Things dont just come naturally apparently. Making a decision is just a beginning of tonnes of question. I have answer non of it so far. I am very grateful to many people and things that allowed myself to be financially independent while indulging in this delirium stage of mind. daily expenses has been monitored to have an articulate time frame i have to be confused.
i wish to be a non responsible child so that i can ignore the statement from my dad that he has drained out all his EPF for our education. but i guess it is just not possible. Giving parent a good retirement life has become a hidden stress to me. but i guess, it is still a blessing in disguise...
discipline
sometime i hates myself for knowing myself well. lack of discipline until the dying moment, then only gung-ho all the way. I do know this is really bad, but the problem is i always managed to pull it off with just last minute effort. i am thankful for the smart genes, but not once i have heard that attitude decides everything you will be.
now i am officially not attaching myself to any company, hence self-discipline has become super important. I am definitely not doing well enough. the fact that i did not do anything i am suppose to do for the whole day prove it all.
damn...i'm gonna die of hunger real soon....
now i am officially not attaching myself to any company, hence self-discipline has become super important. I am definitely not doing well enough. the fact that i did not do anything i am suppose to do for the whole day prove it all.
damn...i'm gonna die of hunger real soon....
night
10.30pm.
brain is still partially functioning. Wanted to rest but dont think i am capable of sleeping so early after a 2hour nap.
suppose to attend a meeting this morning. Supposed to do clean up in my room. But yeah, we all know, when u use the word 'suppose to', it did not happen eventually. All this happened due to the crazy Oriental Express. Absolutely no clue what it was, all i know is, i drank 8 shots (wait a second, those are double shots glass, it was 16 shots, crap~) of alcoholsss in 2 minutes. god knows how much brain cells are dead last night.
anyway, i should be grateful,to have a bunch of useless ex-colleague. Don't think everyone is lucky enough to have a farewell party will your former boss and colleagues and went crazy all along. now they are officially my friends only, and we are not going to undergo same problem every night and day.
Not sure how the future is, but i have heard enough story to know that you may cry along with your colleague when he/she is sad now, but once you left the company, you just became another acquaintance in life. As technology advance, people are less willing to keep in contact, i wonder why.
oh did i mention that i got memory gap again and puke all over the place without myself knowing it? :) and i actually have no memory of seeing a late comer, that according to her, i was talking to her in sound mind and scolded her for coming late. Hopefully this is not a sign of bipolar syndrome, crap...
brain is still partially functioning. Wanted to rest but dont think i am capable of sleeping so early after a 2hour nap.
suppose to attend a meeting this morning. Supposed to do clean up in my room. But yeah, we all know, when u use the word 'suppose to', it did not happen eventually. All this happened due to the crazy Oriental Express. Absolutely no clue what it was, all i know is, i drank 8 shots (wait a second, those are double shots glass, it was 16 shots, crap~) of alcoholsss in 2 minutes. god knows how much brain cells are dead last night.
anyway, i should be grateful,to have a bunch of useless ex-colleague. Don't think everyone is lucky enough to have a farewell party will your former boss and colleagues and went crazy all along. now they are officially my friends only, and we are not going to undergo same problem every night and day.
Not sure how the future is, but i have heard enough story to know that you may cry along with your colleague when he/she is sad now, but once you left the company, you just became another acquaintance in life. As technology advance, people are less willing to keep in contact, i wonder why.
oh did i mention that i got memory gap again and puke all over the place without myself knowing it? :) and i actually have no memory of seeing a late comer, that according to her, i was talking to her in sound mind and scolded her for coming late. Hopefully this is not a sign of bipolar syndrome, crap...
moving on...
So finally i have resigned and starting a new lifestyle. The reality hasnt really sit in yet as i actually have quite a full on weekend for the past 1 week. So still not feeling the difference yet. Heck, i am seeing my ex-colleague as frequent as it was, perhaps that is the key reason...
been scribble a lot in mandarin, not sure the reason behind. Just felt like writing in chinese, that's about it. I mean, after all, i am more capable of expressing myself in mandarin as compare to other languages due to the educational background ( will probably take an hour to write a sentence if i try to do it in Malay). Not only once i have encounter incident in which people find it so shocking to learn that i can read chinese (what the heck, i am good at it all right...), because i do not have the 'chinese school look'.
whatever it is, i have no clue, but strongly doubt that the statement is a compliment as a whole. Sometimes do find it rather scary that because of language barrier, we the malaysian chinese, splitting ourselves from the merely 21% population into another half. Given the current situation, if i were a politician, for sure i will play the inter AND intra racial card and manipulate the situation around as well. it is so darn easy to stir tension as respect and understanding was not much given to one another. Just throw a question on which language should science be taught in n u will start seeing people fighting. Both side have their point, but they did not see the common problem i.e. malaysian is jack of all language, but master of non, so why not look at the most important issue, which is the reason behind the incapability of grasping the languages? is the teacher up to the standard? as far as my experience can tell, HELL NO~ just ask around what do the BM teacher teach during the class, and the whoever prof that protest on this issue will understand that there has been a problem in the teaching method, n whether he win this war or not, malaysian's BM is weakening and will continue be seen as not cool to use it.
Cool factor is rather important for the y generation, well, take my friend's sister for example. She hates POA classes and hence chinese language. But few years back i saw her reading learning material on chinese language, i got so shocked and later only to find out she is learning that so she could watch drama acted by F4 and sing Jay Chow's song in RedBox.
i have gone through the pain of screwing up result as a result of inability to answer exam question in English. It took me 5 years to remember all the stuff in Malay language n A level expect me to convert everything into english in a year time. Not everyone is capable of doing that, so please, if want the student to be good at the language, then teach them at the right way at language classes.
nevertheless, i do think that implementation of this policy kinda too hasty, reason being our teacher's quality is still far from there yet. If only our government is patient enough to take 2-3 years to produce some high quality teachers, if only....
n why am i writing all this nonsense? crap....
been scribble a lot in mandarin, not sure the reason behind. Just felt like writing in chinese, that's about it. I mean, after all, i am more capable of expressing myself in mandarin as compare to other languages due to the educational background ( will probably take an hour to write a sentence if i try to do it in Malay). Not only once i have encounter incident in which people find it so shocking to learn that i can read chinese (what the heck, i am good at it all right...), because i do not have the 'chinese school look'.
whatever it is, i have no clue, but strongly doubt that the statement is a compliment as a whole. Sometimes do find it rather scary that because of language barrier, we the malaysian chinese, splitting ourselves from the merely 21% population into another half. Given the current situation, if i were a politician, for sure i will play the inter AND intra racial card and manipulate the situation around as well. it is so darn easy to stir tension as respect and understanding was not much given to one another. Just throw a question on which language should science be taught in n u will start seeing people fighting. Both side have their point, but they did not see the common problem i.e. malaysian is jack of all language, but master of non, so why not look at the most important issue, which is the reason behind the incapability of grasping the languages? is the teacher up to the standard? as far as my experience can tell, HELL NO~ just ask around what do the BM teacher teach during the class, and the whoever prof that protest on this issue will understand that there has been a problem in the teaching method, n whether he win this war or not, malaysian's BM is weakening and will continue be seen as not cool to use it.
Cool factor is rather important for the y generation, well, take my friend's sister for example. She hates POA classes and hence chinese language. But few years back i saw her reading learning material on chinese language, i got so shocked and later only to find out she is learning that so she could watch drama acted by F4 and sing Jay Chow's song in RedBox.
i have gone through the pain of screwing up result as a result of inability to answer exam question in English. It took me 5 years to remember all the stuff in Malay language n A level expect me to convert everything into english in a year time. Not everyone is capable of doing that, so please, if want the student to be good at the language, then teach them at the right way at language classes.
nevertheless, i do think that implementation of this policy kinda too hasty, reason being our teacher's quality is still far from there yet. If only our government is patient enough to take 2-3 years to produce some high quality teachers, if only....
n why am i writing all this nonsense? crap....
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