last week i was stucked in Indonesia Embassy for almost 7 hours doing nothing. It was a favor asked by my uncle, and being deemed as the family member that pretty much contributes nothing to the rest, i was being volunteered to do the donkey job.
so i was dead bored, and start writing words on my phone until it ran out of battery....dont think it makes much sense even to myself, but i do want to keep it online for future reference. after all, it is a form self reflection....
warning- really really long post......
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Stucked in the indonesia embassy. Feeling extremely bored. Couldn't find any newspaper, and there's no Digi man in the waiting area, so i cant talk to people over the phone. But oh well, not many ppl can talk to me at 10am, can they?I guess this is one of the few occasion that i actually feel grateful about having this window mobile...no one to talk to? Fear not! Talk to yourself!
Hasnt been really talking to myself for a while now. Occasionally i did question myself on several issues, but i guess that is more of a talking than communicating.So what should i talk to myself? Had enough career stuff, let's talk something light....hm...how's family? Well, dad is still the same,forgetten half, n remember the rest. Not sure when he picked up the habit of mopping the floor, washing the car, and flipping over the hanging cloths whenever he is home, but he is doing it on a daily basis. Its not that mum or maid not doing it, but he just has to do it again. Scolded him in many occasions, but he still doing it. Now i am accepting it as a norm, but deep down kinda worry that these are parts of the syndrome for alzheimer's disease.Spent some money on checking it, but nothing seems to be wrong. But like my friend said, since there is virtually nothing you can do even u r sure about the disease, what is actually the purpose of knowing it? I ponder on this question for several nights.
How about mum? Mum is all right, definitely enjoying her life much more compared to year before. Its been lousy for past few years,but things are going the good way. She is having this group of dancing friend that she can hang out in mamak until wee hour. This is very encouraging for a later past 50 years old. At least she is having a good social life. But having said that, i know she has her own issue as well. She need to deal with dad that is always forgetful, n hotter temper compared to few years back. And seeing my dad doing domestic works always getting into her nerves. And she is definitely getting more white hairs. She never mentioned it, but lately i do realized mum n dad is actually always manage the money in a way that is just enough to cover. She never ask money from us, or letting us know how it is actually, but they just capable of going through all kind of ups and down. If not because they brought it over casually, i wouldnt know that the reason that she always cooked stingray during form 1 was because that is the only type of meat she could afford. And i always thought it was because dad like it.
I am so grateful that i was never a big spender, i dont even own a single magazine/toy/comics after i was 10. The funny thing is, parents never stop me from buying all this, as much as it might actually became a burden to them. So with such blessing in disguise, i was surprisingly brought up without any financial issues in my head (although its like THE problem all the time to my parent)Nowadays the biggest headache for my mum is to how to estimate dinner as my sister and i tend to have dinner with friend in ad hoc basis. Thanks to all the chinese drama and a little bit of own experience, i understand such frustration better, and not seeing it as a small issue compare to work issue anymore...after all, for mum, domestic issue is equivalent to our work's issue, and who has the right to say it is less important compare to works?so nowadays i always mentioned in advance, n hopefully she will feel better in such way.Then by far i guess i am her biggest problem at the moment. She always worried that i have not enough money, (which sometimes is true),or not saving enough for future.
Well, me being single is beginning to worry her as well. Sigh...all i can said is, this 2 issue is very much related. Once things going the right way, i will try to engage in relationship and keep her from worrying things. After all, it is kinda humiliating to be worried over this issue, like i am incapable of attracting the fairer sex.My 3 sisters? Each of them have their own issues,but they are having their own kind of happiness as well. I would dare said they will not trade anything for current life at all. Well, most of the issues are money related, and if money is the only issues, it will not be an issue eventually. I have faith in them, n having a small faith in myself that i will make it and ease any money related issue.Me? I would said that i am equiping myself with lots of stuff. Like a soldier that has been training in a virtual war. Still waiting for the commander to call upon into real war, and not sure if what i learn is useful in real war.I have been telling myself i am still young, so just take things slowly and learning should be the priority. But at the same time, i am worried that my parent cant wait. What if alzheimer kick in? This is always the torn inside me that poking me occasionally. I dont mind failing and start from zero, but can my parent handle it?Well, dont think i will start from zero. Doubt tat i will compromise till that degree.
i am sincerely believing that if i wan a sales job, i can grant it in a month time, but i will probably be a very unhappy man. There is just so many things i wan to give it a shot, so much so that i am reluctant to repeat whatever i have done. Silly may it sound, but i seek excitement in life above many things. And yet it is only applicable to certain issue only. Relationship wise, i am rather loyal, and wants nothing more than a simple love. A simple happiness, like a walk in the park, cooking dinner for each other,or a kiss on forehead everyday when i wake up is good enough for me. I hates complication, so i tend to keep things simple, but it never do. Just realized i have an issue of deciding. But once i made the decision, i take the action wayyy to fast that i ignore the changes occur that maybe i should not be making a decision at all. So if someone ask why i do that, the honest answer would have been i am not too sure, i was just following what i had decided not so long ago, but cant remember how i come out with that decision.
Phew....this is such a long wait, i am beginning to run out of things to write. 26 more to go, i hope....the number is just jumping around in a manner that perhaps only the staff understand.Okey, writer's block....lets talk about the embassy. Seriously, this is definitely a busy embassy. Not often you would see 25 counters that are working all at once. Or maybe, i am just too use to seeing empty counter in government agency that i find it impressive about something that it should have been. Just like any agency, they have the issue of smiling.
Seriously, it's not that costly to smile right....the security of the embassy is really loose i think, but i guess if you dont do so, you will have thousand of people queuing on the main tun razak road, which is definitely disastrous. Or perhaps, its only loose in the public section. Actual side may be rather strict. But then again, its indonesia embassy, doubt anyone would throw something into them. One thing really good about the embassy is that they actually provide free photo shooting and free photocopy, and they are charging their passport for rm18 only. We malaysian pay freaking rm300 and yet we dont even have all these services! Seriously, our passport is way to overprice. And 2 days ago they actually proudly saying that they have upgraded the security and not charging extra on public because they are understanding of current economy.
Ofcoz you wouldnt, because it has been overprice all this while. Increasing the fees to rm300 was only a temporary measurement during asia economic crisis as a method of discouraging people from going oversea. And now it became a form of steady income for the government. All this can be done without furore is because it is passed in the parliment like any other funny regulations. What to do, it will never have any objection, or else diciplinary action can be taken. Thank god things are changing,well, slowly, but definitely changing. I know a lot of people are frustrated with current condition and rather not have any change. But people, think long term! It is extremely important for us to continue to bite on the bitter path, and keep pushing forward. It may take a while to remove the huge rock, but just keep pushing, the day of pushing over the rock is near!
I am tired....sleepy....tired.....sleepy
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