Manglish on the Move

children world

2011-08-19T21:51:00.000+08:00

" uncle why is the sun looks like this?"
" the sun is going down, its call sunset"
"will the sun come up again?"
"yes, tomorrow morning it will, its call sunrise"
" then where do the sun pump petrol?"
" the sun dont have to pump petrol"
"no! sun need to pump petrol! daddy's car also need to pump petrol!"

does it really help?

2011-08-18T23:10:00.000+08:00

We all try hard to avoid it, but most of us are pretty much married to our work, and our company is like the partner that you can never satisfied. Of course, there are good times between us, unfortunately our brain by default have stronger memory cells when it comes to angry/sadness moment as per compared to the happy time. Most people will just remember the bad things ( thus explaining why most women can never forgive husband that goes cheating, not even one time...well, most of the women), and if there's hardly good things to remember, then we will just remember nothing but the bitter moment.

so if you have done so badly for the past whole year, and you yourself know it so well, then where are you bothered trying to be nice to us at the 11th hour before the judgement day? its almost like telling us that you are well aware of your bad behaviour for the past 1 year, and now you are trying to save your ass by doing something that you never do, and probably will not do once the day are over. really, you must have been reading too much newspaper, and learning these old tricks from the old politician....

seriously, all of us well aware of the sequences if bad rating was given, so what makes you think we will be so honest and rate you badly? just save up the money and pay us closer to the market rate.....

reporting

2011-07-30T18:00:00.000+08:00

" I dont understand why one must report his or her doing to their partner?"
" Its not something that you do, it is something that you automatically responded to..."
" You may be right, i dont really understand it because i have been single for ages"

i remembered having this conversation with you not so long ago.

I fully understand your statement now.

like a star

2011-05-17T22:25:00.000+08:00

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Honour to love you

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look I can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is au fait,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this song,
Oh...
Your love,

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Now I have come to understand,
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
For anyone but you
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands

untitled

2011-05-15T23:40:00.000+08:00

I hasnt stop talking to myself whenever i am alone at night. Its just that i am choosing not to record these conversations. Wasn't really that educational i reckon. Lots of self-questioning issues are still in deadlocked. I have come to a conclusion that I have yet to achieve the level of wisdom to answer all these questions, so...just keep experiencing life until I finally understand it.

Been reading quite a number of important historical events/moments through wikipedia. Interestingly, all these major events are started off as a convergence of minor events before turning into the perfect storm. More often, individual could have change the whole history by simply declining the order/offer. It kinda got me thinking what kind of small decisions that i have made in life resulting the current me.

Everyday we need to make a decision over something, from things as simple as what to eat to something big like what should i do in life. Perhaps, what kind of decision we need to make is not enough to justify the magnitude of that decision in our life. Timing, to be more specific, what kind of decision we made during the crucial moment causing far greater impact than deciding on big decision during a non crucial time.

Being prepared, is the wisdom that money cant buy. Question is, have i been exploring life enough to gain the experience, and the wisdom, in order to be prepared for the crucial moment?

post holiday....

2011-02-16T20:01:00.000+08:00

Was confidently thinking that i have achieved at least half of my 2011 resolution, and then reality crashes me real hard with failure in examination and stutter over my job....

i guess the universe did hear my cry on wanting to be more humble....i am forced to be humble now....

resolution 2011

2010-12-28T21:45:00.001+08:00

i surprised myself too when i have no obvious wish list jump into my head as i am writing the title. Man, i am getting just a little bit too lay-back...ok think think, start with health:

1. daily 5min simple workout, 2 -3 times a week morning jog --- time to get serious on maintaining good shape as stomach is getting far easier to go round. Ok, maybe i should include a chin-up exercise stand as a wish list of year 2011.
2. pick up a random skill - i think i am taking up kayaking in first week of jan, so as per previous few years, a easily achievable resolution :)
3. take a spontaneous trip - i believe i will travel at least 4 times this year, so high 5 to being broke :)
4. complete CFA level 1 if i fail, and continue reviewing if i pass - decided to postpone level 2, as i am far from learning the gist of level 1, so i must complete it and benefit out of it by year 2011.
5. career advancement into a role emphasize more on advisory - know quite it most likely a actually movement will happen only in year 2012, but heck, this is my wishlist :)
6. increase income by 20% - ok, this is gonna be tough for sure....especially when item no. 3 very likely jeopardize my chance of earning money through investment.
7. have my emergency fund (not to be invested) park at bank safely - again, tough 1....rule of thumb, 6 months of basic salary ( ok la, 3 months also pass already)
8. hahaha.....again, complete my travel log!
9. Decided not to fix any amount of time in my reading hour, as it should a joyful thing to do so. Instead, i shall fixed myself as to complete reading 2 type of books that is totally different from what i would usually read.
10. charity! must-start-donating-in-schedule
11. remember the current self, not over-driven by certain objectivity in life and forget about the beauty of the journey reaching there.
12. embrace active-listening, and learn to interrupt at the right moment. And do not speak when you do not hear the whole conversation. And be humble....

hm....looks like yet another long list, and i was just saying i have nothing i mind, ha....but i do see the changes in the items that i am seeking for improvement. So we shall see a year later then!

feeling home

2010-12-28T21:12:00.001+08:00

i am sure that i wasnt the only person had this feeling before. Whenever you spent a night at somewhere else, no matter how comfortable the bed is ,or how wonderful the host has treated you, there's always a tingling sensation that making yourself hard to put your guard down wholeheartedly. When you are finally home after being away for a while, you just cant help but feel RELIEVE! as you are putting down your luggage in your room. The bed just seems so irresistible to you and you will joyfully jump on your bed and give your slightly cold duvet and love hug...

I have vague definition on home ever since the year i left my country for tertiary education. Home is where the opportunities lie, that has been stayed truth on my heart for all these years, and myself has never let geography boundary stop me from seeking opportunity (though it has not been that fruitful). However, it was this year, that i had a rather refreshing feel about my home.

for some reason, the frequency of me being home alone for days increase tremendously compare to previous years. And i have always love to be alone, be it home or travel. Its not that i am antisocial or hate my family. On the contrary, i enjoys human contact and i have great family bonding will all my family members. However, it has always my nature that if given a choice, after a long day, i wish to be alone, sitting on the sofa, listening to soft music, sipping a cup of hot drinks while reading through non-academic books/magazine. When i am happy, i'll do the same. When i'm sad, i'll do the same. When i am traveling alone, i'll do the same thing as well.

Thanks to the extra personal moments that was granted to me, i am beginning to regaining those lay-back, chill mentality that i've lost it since i left Aotearoa ie NZ. It was until this year that i have back these comfort feeling when i'm home alone. It's irony, i know, for acknowledging the comfort feeling in a foreign land that i have stayed only 3 years, instead of the place that i have stayed for close to decade before and after i leave the country. I guess, experience that you gained along the years do change a person so radical that one could not recall how it was like before.

I do not know how can i put it in words, but i felt like my emotion is behaving like a vaccinated memory-cell, every single small exposure to the past excites the memory-cell, manifesting a series of chain reaction, leaving a fever-like feeling in my heart.

I am still breathing the air, but it tasted less humid. I am still under the same fan, but the wind is more gentle. Coffee taste the same, but it doesn't really matter much.

I'm just feeling... content. Just like the good old day.

reflection of twenty ten

2010-12-27T21:26:00.001+08:00

once again, its time to look at my checklist and see if i have actually followed whatever resolution i have made. seriously, i cant recall a single resolution, not until i cut and paste the list for the 1 year old post. ok...time for reality check.

1. read at least 30min of books before going to bed - fail. Well, i did spend more time on books, but compared to college time, it is still really little. But i started reading books that i never thought i would be interested though.
2. exercise the 10min workout set i did exercise, but is less than 10min...erm....pass lar~

3. 1 day of random new skill (at the moment is hip hop), 1 day of badminton or squash, 3 days of gym per week - well, i set this rules because i was expecting myself to be a freelancer for the whole year..but since there is a change of plan along the way. This resolution no longer applicable.

4. raise my yearly income to above RM60,000 once again -wow, i actually wrote a figure here??! erm....okey, this is awkward.....erm....ok la, satisfactory....haha...

5. go for a spontaneous trip with friend -well, i did it on the first day of year 2010, so a big yes...and i guess will be doing more in year 2011

6.schedule work and play time in the right ratio- erm...i spent more of the free time in study. so dont think i pass this resolution. but i did have fun though...erm....ok la, fail this 1...

7. complete my CFP, and keep the option of challenging CIFP - a big yes to CFP and CIFP no longer applicable to my choice, and heck, i even take up CFA, so a big pass!

8. make profit from the trading progam -biggest failure of all, sigh....

9. purchase a ~RM120,000 car in december -ok, this is such a bad choice of resolution. why would i think of getting a new car? not the time yet.....
10. donate money for charity -ok, this is really shameful....my friend didnt ask monye from me, and i forgot to pay for it.....fail! or maybe i should pay a lump sum to him before this year end....hm....not a bad i dea

11. spend time writing down journal /story at least 4 times a week -hahaha....this is like a resolution that i fail on a yearly basis.

12. forget the past, and move on in terms of relationship, take things slowly -erm....i did try to hit on a girl, but soon i realize its either i wasnt ready, or she's not exactly the right person. No seeing the light of attaching to anyone still....

13. the most important of all, find the reasons to achieve all this. with nothing to inspire on, all this will just plain talk - well i do believe i know myself better than ever, so this is a yes :)

ok, final score, 5/12 achieve = 41%

i am quite content with the score actually, given the fact that i have actually changed my mind rather radically in the middle of year 2010.

if a sentence is needed to summarize the year, i guess "slow, in order to be fast" is what i have learn in year 2010. Many things cannot be rushed, and for the past few years i have been too obsessed with young success story, making myself felt so frustrated for not achieving anything before age 25 like many famous guys do. As the year pass, i am beginning to see things in longer horizon, i am still learning, but is more capable of holding myself from making hasty decision. I am more able to accept that i could be just an average joe, and that thought no longer put me down or stop me from try to be different.....

year 2010, is the year that make me start walking, instead of lying on the bed dreaming of flying.

I'm still dreaming, but i know the more likely way is to start walking to the distant airport.

phase

2010-12-22T20:37:00.000+08:00

If you have ever joint a multilevel marketing conference/meeting, i am sure you have heard of the story of how a frog being cooked in a slowly heat up pot compared to another escaped frog that is being transferred from a colder pot to a hot pot. I had heard of it a couple of times, and well understood the moral behind the story, but it still cant prevent myself from suffering the changes in life. It diffuse slowly, almost unnoticeable, and bang! its a brand new ball game...

Not so long ago, i am beginning to feel out of place for various reason. Club scene beginning to looks like teenage prom to me, popular drama's plot insult my intelligence level badly, Movies and Music Video are all featuring unfamiliar faces and liking them is almost like being paedophilic, choices of clothes are down to pathetic G2000, padini or U2 (er...this is not such a good example, bcoz money played a bigger role in this case), and what really hits me real hard is, radio station are not longer catering for my age group.

Aging is an awesome process, i still think it is. Getting older doesnt make you detached from the society. What actually happen is, the marketing scheme is longer treating you as the target audience. God knows how much we have influenced by advertisement, and when i was a student, everything on display, everywhere the marketing program is, it all seems relevant to me, making me super envy +jealous +green monster+hate not being end with the last name Gates.

Now things has changed. Lots of hot selling items are not exactly attractive to me, and i AM comfortable for being slightly different. there's a saying that advertisement company will ignore consumer that stop buying music, and you bet i am well being in that category.

From time to time, i still wish to have the similar attention given by the world (advertising company, to be exact, but heck, they do make me feel like top of the world..), but i guess, by accepting we are no longer the target group, it may helps us to move on better. Perhaps, this may help me complaint lesser towards the media and the mall, and making a far less cynical growing man...

more than just a number

2010-12-21T22:38:00.000+08:00

was listening to radio, and the Deejay was asking listener to sum up the year with a single word....few words came into my mind, "new", "messy", "corrupt", just to name a few. However, i just cant find any word that can summarized the year.

Had a hectic workday, by the time i complete my day task, its almost eight. Reached home with an empty skull, and body subconsciously walked towards kitchen to scout for food.
Home alone, just the way i like it.
*play* Corinne Bailey Rae - Like a Star

Just like a star across my sky
Just like an angel off the page
You have appeared to my life
Feel like I'll never be the same

Just like a song in my heart
Just like oil on my hands
Oh, I do love you

Still I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you
We do it all the time
Blowing out my mind

You've got this look I can't describe
You make me feel like I'm alive
When everything else is a fade
Without a doubt you're on my side

Heaven has been away too long
Can't find the words to write this song
Oh, your love

Still I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"phase" - a word comes into my year. That's the word of the year for me.
Yes, i have stepped into another phase of life.

a night of self-talking....

2010-09-06T22:21:00.000+08:00

I sat on the bed, recalling all the advices that i had been receiving since i made a public declaration of wanting being a banker. Not knowing exactly the differences between various banking sector, i just declared my wishes by spamming many HR department and joint one of the establishment with little issue.

Here's the issue, i was not suppose to jump into another industry with little issue. It should be full of rejection, frustration and despair. I have a science degree, which is literally of no use in banking industry besides teaching my boss to be healthy (that is, if, i chose to teach). And so, I cheated my way into the industry by joining the sales sector, which is of course, far more forgiving, as long as you are showing great potential in bringing in the cash.

Perhaps, the environment, and the work experiences have shaped me into a good sales personnel, but the true fact never change; me, wish nothing more than not being the front liner. Let me do the analysis, let me do the research, and i shall grant you my finding.

So, the reality has hit me. Yes, i have joint the industry. Yes, i am getting more resources to learn about financial industry. But the truth is, i am definitely on the wrong path. It may get me to Rome with all the mighty building, but my destination is actually the lay-back Copenhagen.

I need to clear a new path, with the sword name knowledge. Not easy it seems to acquire the sword. Mental strength is the key to lift up the sword. I need to cheer myself up, I need to convince myself that it is possible to walk through the dark forest. Stop hoping for a lucky discovery and escape from here! hold your breath, be all gung-ho, work hard for the next 3 months! A dim light, if not the exit, shall shine on me.

i can do it! this is the only way! let's go for it!!!!!!!!!5 months later, after the hardwork, you will be a changed person. i know you will....yes you will......

i am here to learn....i am here to learn....i am here to learn....i am here to learn......initiate to learn.......initiate to learn... initiate to learn.........

another year older :)

2010-03-16T23:06:00.001+08:00

10.30pm, switched off the light. Stared at the darkness for 5second. Wait a second, its my birthday after all, i should really write something down about today...

today pretty much is just another ordinary day. Most of my friend except my ex-colleagues find it so amazing that i actually have no plan for my birthday. Well, i guess only my ex-colleague would know that i am actually not that playful contradict to popular believe. I dunno how, but somehow, these group of people that i spent the most time with for the past 2 years just seems to know something about yourself that most people that are not aware of. But once you are out o the circle, the link between you and them just disappeared in a very rapid way. Wasnt complaining, just writing out a fact that i felt strongly.

yesterday attended a class with a friend/ex-colleague that born on the same day. Greeted happy birthday to each other with french fried few hours before our birthday, the meet up with a friend for a drink. Wasnt planning to do any celebration, it is just so happened that on the eve of my birthday itself, i need to meet up with him for a drink and discuss business related issue.

i have only got to know this guy less than 5 months, but i was enlighten by him in many ways that i am very grateful of. He has very similar vision as i do, but he has been executing it extremely well, which in turn motivated me to work towards the goal (in a different manner though).And so happened a friend of his called him up before the meet up, so 3 of us ended up drinking 2 buckets of beer until 3am, and i only let them know about my birthday when its about 2am. it was really a care free meet up. we were playing cards, laughing, making fun of the only lady, and sipping the beer along with the background R&B.

i felt surprisingly delightful as i was driving back home; a celebration can be just so simple, and yet so enjoyable, even without all your closest friends.

almost all the wishes that i received this year is about me getting a gf. wasnt aware that 26 year old is a threshold for danger. Or maybe they really think i need some luck to get one (that would be really mean....).But its all good, they all mean well after all.....glad that many of them still choose to call me instead of facebook me....well, sms is not the best, but still way better than facebook i reckon....

happy 26th birthday :)

emotion...

2010-03-05T16:15:00.000+08:00

i always thought that i am actually quite a calm person, and i can hide my emotion well. But during the CNY when i was playing texas poker with my buddies, i was always at the losing end. So i started to think i am actually quite emotionally driven, contradict to what i believe in.

then today i started a trading that i have been learning for quite a while. To my surprise, i was so attached to the trade that i find myself so hard not to look at it, and my heart beat just goes up and down along with the graph.

was i never a rational person? strange...i always thought i am.....

around the world....

2010-02-28T23:18:00.001+08:00

traveling around the world might be THE dream for most human being, but i doubt other species would be happy with such an idea....

Africa abalone, California geoduck, Autralia lobster, Sabah Sun Hong Fish, Oyster and Snow crab from the deep blue sea; traveled across the globe for the sole purpose of filling up my tummy. Well done guys, you have found a great place to call it home :)

before the dinner, watched "up in the air", which is about a man who pretty much traveled the whole America on a daily basis. The movie challenge the idea of 'home' and it does gave me an impact on the meaning of spending our time in between places. What if, i travel as much as he does? what if, flying is the only way to comfort my soul? what if?

compared to my cousin, i wouldnt dare said that i travel frequent, but it is good enough to connect both of us to the movie. sitting alone in the airport, partially enjoying the artificial friendly environment, allowing the monitor signboard to dictate our duration in the waiting lounge.
This is life...
This is life?
this is life!
this, is life.

As the seafood traveling to my tummy, was i, at same time, traveling into someone's fishing net?

not a bad way to end my CNY indeed.

a looooooooooong grumble

2010-02-09T21:39:00.000+08:00

last week i was stucked in Indonesia Embassy for almost 7 hours doing nothing. It was a favor asked by my uncle, and being deemed as the family member that pretty much contributes nothing to the rest, i was being volunteered to do the donkey job.

so i was dead bored, and start writing words on my phone until it ran out of battery....dont think it makes much sense even to myself, but i do want to keep it online for future reference. after all, it is a form self reflection....

warning- really really long post......
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stucked in the indonesia embassy. Feeling extremely bored. Couldn't find any newspaper, and there's no Digi man in the waiting area, so i cant talk to people over the phone. But oh well, not many ppl can talk to me at 10am, can they?I guess this is one of the few occasion that i actually feel grateful about having this window mobile...no one to talk to? Fear not! Talk to yourself!

Hasnt been really talking to myself for a while now. Occasionally i did question myself on several issues, but i guess that is more of a talking than communicating.So what should i talk to myself? Had enough career stuff, let's talk something light....hm...how's family? Well, dad is still the same,forgetten half, n remember the rest. Not sure when he picked up the habit of mopping the floor, washing the car, and flipping over the hanging cloths whenever he is home, but he is doing it on a daily basis. Its not that mum or maid not doing it, but he just has to do it again. Scolded him in many occasions, but he still doing it. Now i am accepting it as a norm, but deep down kinda worry that these are parts of the syndrome for alzheimer's disease.Spent some money on checking it, but nothing seems to be wrong. But like my friend said, since there is virtually nothing you can do even u r sure about the disease, what is actually the purpose of knowing it? I ponder on this question for several nights.

How about mum? Mum is all right, definitely enjoying her life much more compared to year before. Its been lousy for past few years,but things are going the good way. She is having this group of dancing friend that she can hang out in mamak until wee hour. This is very encouraging for a later past 50 years old. At least she is having a good social life. But having said that, i know she has her own issue as well. She need to deal with dad that is always forgetful, n hotter temper compared to few years back. And seeing my dad doing domestic works always getting into her nerves. And she is definitely getting more white hairs. She never mentioned it, but lately i do realized mum n dad is actually always manage the money in a way that is just enough to cover. She never ask money from us, or letting us know how it is actually, but they just capable of going through all kind of ups and down. If not because they brought it over casually, i wouldnt know that the reason that she always cooked stingray during form 1 was because that is the only type of meat she could afford. And i always thought it was because dad like it.

I am so grateful that i was never a big spender, i dont even own a single magazine/toy/comics after i was 10. The funny thing is, parents never stop me from buying all this, as much as it might actually became a burden to them. So with such blessing in disguise, i was surprisingly brought up without any financial issues in my head (although its like THE problem all the time to my parent)Nowadays the biggest headache for my mum is to how to estimate dinner as my sister and i tend to have dinner with friend in ad hoc basis. Thanks to all the chinese drama and a little bit of own experience, i understand such frustration better, and not seeing it as a small issue compare to work issue anymore...after all, for mum, domestic issue is equivalent to our work's issue, and who has the right to say it is less important compare to works?so nowadays i always mentioned in advance, n hopefully she will feel better in such way.Then by far i guess i am her biggest problem at the moment. She always worried that i have not enough money, (which sometimes is true),or not saving enough for future.

Well, me being single is beginning to worry her as well. Sigh...all i can said is, this 2 issue is very much related. Once things going the right way, i will try to engage in relationship and keep her from worrying things. After all, it is kinda humiliating to be worried over this issue, like i am incapable of attracting the fairer sex.My 3 sisters? Each of them have their own issues,but they are having their own kind of happiness as well. I would dare said they will not trade anything for current life at all. Well, most of the issues are money related, and if money is the only issues, it will not be an issue eventually. I have faith in them, n having a small faith in myself that i will make it and ease any money related issue.Me? I would said that i am equiping myself with lots of stuff. Like a soldier that has been training in a virtual war. Still waiting for the commander to call upon into real war, and not sure if what i learn is useful in real war.I have been telling myself i am still young, so just take things slowly and learning should be the priority. But at the same time, i am worried that my parent cant wait. What if alzheimer kick in? This is always the torn inside me that poking me occasionally. I dont mind failing and start from zero, but can my parent handle it?Well, dont think i will start from zero. Doubt tat i will compromise till that degree.

i am sincerely believing that if i wan a sales job, i can grant it in a month time, but i will probably be a very unhappy man. There is just so many things i wan to give it a shot, so much so that i am reluctant to repeat whatever i have done. Silly may it sound, but i seek excitement in life above many things. And yet it is only applicable to certain issue only. Relationship wise, i am rather loyal, and wants nothing more than a simple love. A simple happiness, like a walk in the park, cooking dinner for each other,or a kiss on forehead everyday when i wake up is good enough for me. I hates complication, so i tend to keep things simple, but it never do. Just realized i have an issue of deciding. But once i made the decision, i take the action wayyy to fast that i ignore the changes occur that maybe i should not be making a decision at all. So if someone ask why i do that, the honest answer would have been i am not too sure, i was just following what i had decided not so long ago, but cant remember how i come out with that decision.

Phew....this is such a long wait, i am beginning to run out of things to write. 26 more to go, i hope....the number is just jumping around in a manner that perhaps only the staff understand.Okey, writer's block....lets talk about the embassy. Seriously, this is definitely a busy embassy. Not often you would see 25 counters that are working all at once. Or maybe, i am just too use to seeing empty counter in government agency that i find it impressive about something that it should have been. Just like any agency, they have the issue of smiling.

Seriously, it's not that costly to smile right....the security of the embassy is really loose i think, but i guess if you dont do so, you will have thousand of people queuing on the main tun razak road, which is definitely disastrous. Or perhaps, its only loose in the public section. Actual side may be rather strict. But then again, its indonesia embassy, doubt anyone would throw something into them. One thing really good about the embassy is that they actually provide free photo shooting and free photocopy, and they are charging their passport for rm18 only. We malaysian pay freaking rm300 and yet we dont even have all these services! Seriously, our passport is way to overprice. And 2 days ago they actually proudly saying that they have upgraded the security and not charging extra on public because they are understanding of current economy.

Ofcoz you wouldnt, because it has been overprice all this while. Increasing the fees to rm300 was only a temporary measurement during asia economic crisis as a method of discouraging people from going oversea. And now it became a form of steady income for the government. All this can be done without furore is because it is passed in the parliment like any other funny regulations. What to do, it will never have any objection, or else diciplinary action can be taken. Thank god things are changing,well, slowly, but definitely changing. I know a lot of people are frustrated with current condition and rather not have any change. But people, think long term! It is extremely important for us to continue to bite on the bitter path, and keep pushing forward. It may take a while to remove the huge rock, but just keep pushing, the day of pushing over the rock is near!

I am tired....sleepy....tired.....sleepy

Down

2010-02-07T22:42:00.000+08:00

DJ: Ms Sabrina, who do you want to dedicate the next song to?
Sabrina: i wanna dedicate the next song to all my course mate, wishing them all the best for the exam in the later afternoon.
DJ: okey, here's the song for Sabrina and her course mate, Jay Sean - "down"
*music roll in*
"Baby are you DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN~~"

i was literally cracking after hearing this...Come on DJ, are you sure you about your songs selection?

its not that simple

2010-02-03T12:30:00.000+08:00

没那麼简单就能找到聊得来的伴
its not that simple, to find a partner that can talk to

尤其是在看过了那麼多的背叛
especially,after seeing all these betrayals

总是不安只好强悍
always insecure, has to toughen up

谁谋杀了我的浪漫
who killed all my romance

没那麼简单就能去爱别的全不看
its not that simple, to love, without seeing anything else

变得实际也许好也许坏各一半
being realistic, perhaps is half good, half bad.

不爱孤单一久也习惯
dont like to be alone, but its been long enough to get use to

不用担心谁也不用被谁管
not worrying anyone, and not being controlled.

感觉快乐就忙东忙西
busy myself when i am feeling happy

感觉累了就放空自己
do nothing when i am tired

别人说的话随便听一听自己作决定
whatever others said, just listen, and decide myself

不想拥有太多情绪
do not wish to own too much emotion

一杯红酒配電影
a glass of wine plus a movie

在周末晚上关上了
over the weekend night, shut off

手机舒服窝在沙发裡
handphone, lying on the sofa comfortably

相爱没有那麼容易每个人有他的脾气
love is not that simple, everyone has their own temper

过了爱作梦的年纪轰轰烈烈不如平静
past the age of dreaming, a simple relationship is better off than a crazy love

幸福没有那麼容易才会特别让人著迷
happiness is not that simple, hence its so mesmerizing

什麼都不懂的年纪
at the age of knowing nothing

曾经最掏心所以最开心曾经
used to whole-heartedly love someone, hence the happiest. used to.

想念最伤心但却最动心的记忆
missing someone hurts the most, and yet its the most touching memory.

yes, perhaps we can

2010-02-01T21:17:00.000+08:00

As much as i am willing to believe that our beloved PM truly inspire to change the whole political scene, there's still this massive torn in my hearts (n perhaps many malaysian's heart) that making to doubt the success of GTP or 1Malaysia.

I grew up with lots of friends irregardless of races, as long we can understand each other. And everything seems to be fine until when i was form 4, the adults begin to tell me about sekolah asrama and the blah blah blah, or get some final exam paper from sekolah asrama because their questions would be very close to actual examination. Then i start to realize discrepancies among treatment we received. The scholarship stories then got really loud from my years onwards. The older i get, the more stories i heard that i begin to doubt the country that i once i know of, the one that i was taught during primary school.
after away from the education system for good few years, i know very well, education system, is the core of the current situation. Biro tetangga is a well known issue, and to my surprise, the reformist actually failed to convince the conservatives to eradicated it. Instead, 1malaysia concept is implemented into. And seriously, would the lecturers that have been organizing the program in their way will listen to what it is being suggested?

Then follow by the local university election. It is just disgusting to see how the guard, the school administrator controlling the scene like the final judge. No matter what reason it is, it is just wrong for school administrator to even bud into school election that is suppose to be student's representative. Its just plain ridiculous to know the student representatives need to decide which side they are on for the election. ITS STUDENTS' REPRESENTATIVE FOR GOODNESS SAKE.....as the name it is suggested, should be elected by the students and for the students.

the tipping point of my disappointment towards the reform program is definitely the media control by the current government. To make things worse, some people get arrested by writing nonsense over the internet, but some people can just accuse people as they wish, front page! it is angry enough to know they are protected by the invisible shield, and no, they have to tell us that, hey, i am so safe that i even call myself awang selamat!

it is the triumph of the conservatives so far, and as much as i want to optimistic, i am not seeing any sign of them going down. The youth group that is once well known for extremity, is surprisingly open minded since the special one took the seat, but the supporters are not happy about it judging from the news.

i am not asking so much, let's just start by giving up the special rights in media coverage, and yes, perhaps we can.

is honesty really the best policy?

2010-01-27T22:58:00.000+08:00

i am quite an honest person, well...no one ever tell me that, but that's how i would rate myself as. I dont cheat on girl, i dont do backstabbing (always do it in his/her face,ha~)

well, i felt kinda gutted for being honest today. Did an online assessment test, something like a talent assessment for this trainee program. Since its a personality test, and i have always been a team player, so i dont see any wrong of answering the question base on how i feel irregardless it will reflect good or bad side of me. I was quite confident about this because i dont think ANYONE will actually kick out candidate base on personality, and even if they do so, why would they do that to someone that is a team player according to test?

and guess what, i DIDNT PASS THE TEST~ just because i am being honest, just because i tend to choose answer that showing i am more of the top percentile group instead of the top leaders, just because i am more of a good follower in the group instead of the leader, they failed me!!

So i should cheat my way to get through the test? or maybe lying is a sign that you are competitive (thus can be a leader), so you deserve to be in the next round?

it is either that i am really not suitable for this program, or this personality test is really a stupid criteria to have.

still thinking how should i answer this type of test if it happen again ---to be or not to be, that is the question......

Me 3.0

2010-01-22T19:04:00.000+08:00

most people that i know of takes many years of mistake become they come to realize what we want in life. its funny how we capable to learn more through the painful way. It the logic stay right, the younger generation are way more rebellious than we were are due to the fact that they have undergo way too little painful experience. In fact, most parent will sue the teacher when the children got canned nowadays, compared to the good old days. I will never let my father know that i got canned, because i would definitely got beaten for the second time as he believe i must have done something wrong to deserve it. But, i do think the younger generation are more creative as they live in a more open environment, or perhaps its just a form of Darwin's survivor theory.

had a rather intellectual conversation with this good friend of mine that is like milesss away. Well, its actually through facebook message, so dont think it should be call a conversation. But there are words that really lighten my heart a lot. she understand me in many ways naturally, and we are equally care free, so i guess that's what make us good friend.

i was telling her that i am lacking some reason or motivation, hence i am considering moving on. She replied saying that i dont need any motivation, because an unmotivated person is someone that will stay there as it is and feeling numb about everything. In a way she actually pointed out many doubts of mine, i dunno why, it just give me some assurance to make a decision.

yes indeed i am ready to gear up for yet another phase. I did doubt myself that how can i not even try hard enough in 2.0 before i move up to another version? but now i kinda understand, me 2.0 is like window vista, its really crap, so its ok to be laugh at, its ok to be short, just toughen up and shift the gear.

today heard a news about these awards that would have been mine go to my colleague. I am really happy for her as she did put so much effort into it, but still feeling a bit painful to know how much have i let go in the process of searching myself. I will take it all back, or maybe by then, it doesnt matter anymore....

year 2010

2010-01-07T21:58:00.001+08:00

ok, this is kinda late, but it all thanks to 2 weeks of crazy lifestyle i had with my friend from NZ. the only 3 things that i have done for the past 3 weeks were probably drink, dance, drive, and doze off. oh wait, that's 4 things.

so after almost month long of celebration, its time to face the year ahead. I cant help but to fear for the coming 300 more days ahead. For the past 4 months, all i did was to do the groundwork for the coming year 2010.

The year has arrived, and many things are actually ready to run. I cant help myself but keep asking myself, what if i fail....i know, for the first time, this is the year that define myself...like my country, year 2010, is the year of 'reckoning'. this year, is the year that i proved to myself that i am right to make all this decision. So many people has gave me the strength, and the person that doubt the most is actually myself. I need to discover my reason to believe in it, the reason to move on, the reason to have no regret.

so year 2010, again, will be more or less similar to year 2009 as i am far from achieving it.

1. read at least 30min of books before going to bed - i think its time to rediscover my love for books. starting to feel myself mentally empty with low creativity, definitely has much to do with the avoidance of reading for past whole year.
2. exercise the 10min workout set taught by Siva every morning to start the day with some sweat.
3. 1 day of random new skill (at the moment is hip hop), 1 day of badminton or squash, 3 days of gym per week - i realized i do care about my appearance much more than i perceived. Being active in sports has the benefit of strong will power, and better body shape that definitely boost up my self-esteem that is currently hovering at all time low
4. raise my yearly income to above RM60,000 once again, which translate to RM5000 a month - seriously, i am not so much of a money minded person. But i realized,as a young adult, you need to love money to a certain degree or else you will be lacking the desire to strive for your career. So i need to love more on seeing big figure in my bank account and dream of giving the best to my family.
5. go for a spontaneous trip with friend - being spontaneous has always been part of my life, so i definitely want to continue keeping that in mind.
6.schedule work and play time in the right ratio - being a self-employed making myself spending lots of time doing nothing, and this is definitely and must do thing for this year!
7. complete my CFP, and keep the option of challenging CIFP in mind - unless i failed, or else this shouldnt be an issued. 5 years goals - established certain reputation that is sensible enough to take up CFA
8. make profit from the trading progam - i have spent so much in it, and i know this will either be my biggest let down, or biggest surprise for the year, so i put you in lucky no. 8.
9. purchase a ~RM120,000 car in december - was thinking of owning a house, but reckon the probability is rather low, so might as well not writing it down.
10. donate money for charity - i will keep this in my mind for sure this year (friends that are claiming themselve to be charitable are excluded since its is quite an obvious lie)
11. spend time writing down journal /story at least 4 times a week - travel log has to be updated to current year or else it is becoming pointless soon. and talking to myself do help me in many ways. As such, i wan to discipline to continue doing so.
12. forget the past, and move on in terms of relationship, take things slowly - i have been living in the shadow for long enough, and for the first time, i felt more prepared than ever to move on. Not going to be desperate or the i dont care attitude.but if the right one appear, will not hesitate as it use to be, anymore.
13. the most important of all, find the reasons to achieve all this. with nothing to inspire on, all this will just plain talk.

wish me luck

review of 09 resolution...

2010-01-05T14:00:00.001+08:00

so here's the big boasted promised that i made in early 2008, n how i failed most of it,ha...

1. Maintain my total gross income, with 20% goes to 'cannot be touched fund' and 15% goes to investment.

-fail, gross income drop, n no saving in whatsoever, but that's due to change of game plan along t way,so no complain...
2. complete my travel blog (god, please give me strength on this~)

-well, i did complete year 2006, so maybe a B- for this,haha

3. At least complete the 2 stories that have be swimming in my dream for the past year (maybe this one i need strength from angels~)

- fail big times....in fact thinking of not writing the story, got some other story in mind instead (hey, this sound bad)

4. increase my frequency of exercise/gym to 4 days/week

-only to probably 2 times a week, so FAIL~

5. complete a professional papers and an investment program

-didnt complete, but definitely doing it at the fastest track i can find, so one big TICK~

6. continue trying new games. doing acrobatic stunk with airplane would be a good start :)

- quite hard to fail this i guess, its fun stuff anyway, so ya, i did rock climbing :)

7. travel to any random place without prior planning (although high chances this will tarnish my resolution no.1)

- i ended up did 2, 1 in langkawi alone for a very good relaxing beach side holiday, another 1 is just ended bali trip that can only explained by t word crazy, so BIG TICK

8. learn how to use my camera

-well, its almost broken now, so this resolution is pointless now

9. have a solid plan on financing towards a very own SOHO unit.

- pathway is definitely clearer now, but no solid plan is formed, fail....

10. if cant help physically, at least donate money to charity.

- feel so shameful for not achieving this...

11. Concentrate my focus on my decided career path.

- in certain way, yes it is...

12. erm.....getting a gf...

-why did i put it there to embarrassed myself for again? hm...just to make myself feel better, met lots of interesting ladies throughout the year, but so far, i am content to have all of them as friend (a very nice way to say that i am still single,haha...)

so, i guess i total i score about 4 out of 11 ~35% achieved....this is definitely lower than the previous year.....so you would say its not such a good year to me, n definitely there is lots of confusion invovle throughout the year, but yeah...its time to move on, n talk about 2010 resolution~~~

job

2009-11-30T21:39:00.000+08:00

i had a very good pay job in a very huge company. And hence, people just cant stop asking me why do i choose to quit.

dont think i ever answer them in the same manner. Well, that's because i never really answered it.

the truth can be hurtful and insulting, even to myself. So I choose not to mention it. It is quite amazing because sometimes i can even forgotten about the reason behind it.

thanks to all the incidental scenarios, i am quite aware now.

indeed, i've made a wrong decision that i have no regret making it.

"what if it fails?"

"i have no back up plan at all, so i have no idea."

"start from scratch?"

"start from scratch."

stereophonics - nothing compare 2 u

2009-11-24T23:34:00.002+08:00

the voice explained everything....
(u might wanna turn off the background music first)

Nothing Compares 2 U - Stereophonics

resolution

2009-11-19T21:58:00.002+08:00

"do you write down your new year resolution?"

" i did it without aware of it, because i wrote it in my blog, ha!"

"wow.... i'm impressed"

So thanks to the blog, i actually wrote down my new year resolution for the past few years. Interestingly, i do achieved quite a number of it. However, the is one resolution that has been reappearing in the list, which is to complete my travel log, and my long story.

i thought its gonna be easy to achieve it, but somehow i just keep dragging it again and again. so today after i completed my travel log in year 2006, i felt so proud of myself, ha~

2007~ here i come!

bad habits

2009-11-17T13:32:00.005+08:00

i am quite aware of my lifestyles changes since i start working. I am losing interest in watching EPL, stop going cinema, only shop when have something to buy, not watching TV, and only play computer games once in a blue moon (but will go hardcore for 2 days, and delete it day after).

At point i was proud of my changes and snubbed those friends who are still hooked up into it as immature. But now, i actually believe that if after a day of hard works, if you do not have any bad habits to indulge in, you are even more pathetic.

Craving or indulgence on anything is a sign of having something that you care for. As much as most of the time things that you care is absolutely rubbish (like OMG, Brat Pitt is married...but really, does it matter?), it is still a sign that you are pretty much intact with the world. Compared to people who really have nothing to keep their interest on besides work, many weird behaviors may beginning to infest the numbed heart.

so, here, i declared that i am open to some bad habits that can make me go crazy, go sleepless and earn nothing out of it at the end of the day~ (man, i love how i create such a great story just to make myself feel justifiable to watch Taiwan entertainment program :) )

p/s: i carefully write this up to avoid the usage of the word 'passion' as i've been abusing it, but the whole story is actually all about it...

kipitiam (3)

2009-11-15T15:57:00.002+08:00

"now tell me~"

i can feel the anger. "okey, i am listening"

"what's with guy and beauty pageant?"

"what about it?"

"why is every man dream of getting ex-/beauty pageant to be gf?"

"i dont"

" no, i am sure you do, if i include the list to model, celebrity.."

i was getting cheeky, so i answered,

" because we are strong believer of Darwin Theory, that genetic selection is a must for survival"

"that was actually quite a good answer," another girl agreeing my cock story.

"come on, give me an answer, how do you feel if your friend have a model gf?"

"if it is model, i feel nothing, but it is a model/celebrity that i like, i will kill him"

"seriously?"

" not really....but definitely feel a bit jealous"

"why?"

"no answer for it"

"see....man use lower part to think most of the time"

"i preferred to be called as a visual animal"

how shallow you may argued, but seriously, it takes time to know a person's inner beauty, so appearance is what you can judge at initial stage. and there's one thing i believe the ladies should know - most men actually know quite well the difference between getting a wife and getting a girlfriend (or mistress).

And since when the world is fair?

kipitiam (2)

2009-11-15T15:30:00.002+08:00

had so many interesting conversation that many of them are still lingering in my thought....

" so what kind of criteria you are looking into?" one of the girl asked.

"at the moment, i look quite highly upon the ability to be independent"

"are you sure?"

"what's wrong?'

"all independent girls have dark corner that you will never know..."

"i can have my dark corner then..."

"you will still lose out....i have 2 stories on 2 independent girls for you"

"okey....."

"girl A, was told by the bf that he wants a independent gf, and so she start to socials around and have all kind of friends. eventually she became so independent that she started to feel annoyed about the bf that she starts to feel that he is a little bit too sticky. So currently most of the night the guy need to call her up, worrying about her where about while she is happily flirting with other guys"

"er..... maybe the guy dunno how to play the game, i am confident that it will not ended up like this," i argued

"fine, then talk about girl B, who love by the bf very very much. He praised her literally to everyone he knows, saying she is the most independent girl in the world, giving him all kind of freedom, and let him concentrate on his job and his friend during the weekday. He is so glad that she wants him to concentrate more on work before talking about marriage, as much as he really wan to get marry asap. BUT! what he dunno is, as he was happily having the gf over the weekend, she is sleeping with 5 other man over the weekday. and that is the REAL reason why she dont want to get married. "

".........."

" still think independent girl is the best?"

"i think........erm......that is a risk i am willing to take"

"good luck then...."

kopitiam

2009-11-14T22:58:00.002+08:00

Had so much coffee for the past few weeks that i am considering myself a coffee addict now. Its funny how i always declare myself as a tea person, and yet i have not been drinking tea for quite a long time. As Klangite i always bring my own tea to restaurant, be it Bah Kut Teh or dim sum ( apparently its not that common outside Klang, which really surprised me) but lately mum been bringing along some unknown tea, and i drank it without thinking much abo0ut the taste. So, i find it hard to describe it as enjoying the tea moment.

so yesterday i meet up with high school friend in yet another kopitiam, but i can no longer order anymore coffee. then we start talking about the use-to-be-famous mamak place has become so empty since most people choosing kopitiam over mamak now, which i am calling it an inflation in disguise.

then inevitably we entered conversation regarding relationship. I complained, and question on why must we talk about man vs women whenever there's both male and female in a gathering.

" that is because when there's only guys, you guys talk nothing but bullshit, i am just helping you to keep your crap in case you run of crap to talk"

" we just preferred not to talk about it"

"but if i am your partner, i am much preferred that you talk to me~"

see, my friend is juuuuuuuusst so good in leading me into topic that she wants to talk about...

"its a choice by nature for me not to throw my problem to my partner, which most likely she cant do anything about it"

" and it is okey to talk about it to friend?"

"usually dont talk to guys about it"

" and it is okey to talk about it to FEMALE friend instead of your partner?"

"err...........er..............."

she got me there..... i have all kind of answers for that in mind, but it all just seems like an excuse in that moment. i believe that friendship can be forged between male and female, but i also know that it is almost impossible to make a gf feel absolutely okey for their bf to have close female friend, even more so if the girl is the person he turns to when problem arises.

N yet i believe this is something that i would do if i have a partner now.

passion

2009-10-28T17:29:00.002+08:00

facebook has become so prominent that most people cant remember what they did online before its existence. i have not tried any games in facebook besides twister, but still that doesnt stop me from logging in.

so most of the time i will just be a silent user and observed only what people is feeling right now. Maybe is due to the similar age, quite often i am seeing things or frustration that me myself felt it. so the latest trend i am seeing is about passion.

most of my friends are working for 2 - 3 years by now, and is on the verge of looking for actual direction in their life (well, some found it, while some dont even bother about it), so 'passion' has been the word repeatedly appeared on the screen.

the systematic lifestyles that we experienced as we start working is so rigid that most people just stop using the right brain, and eventually losing the passion they have. i am not saying all of us, but definitely a good number of us are losing it.

perhaps, if we learn to be living a more spontaneous life, less facebook n TVB drama, we could be better off.

"wei, we left nothing to do leh if we dont watch tv and online..."
"mamak doesnt seems to be that much spontaneous also...."

if money is not an issue, picking up a new skill is definitely a way to go..it doesnt have to be useful, just something new that you can talk cock to others and said hey, i've done that.

but, since when money is not an issue? trueee......so until the money is not an issue, let's get rot together and be a passionless, cynical average man lar~

Starbucks

2009-09-23T13:51:00.002+08:00

Received a call from ex-colleague, asked me out for lunch. Why not, i told myself. Ended up having lunch at Starbucks. Third times to starbucks in two days. I was in 3 different city, meeting 3 different people, but had the same kind of coffee and foods. If Starbucks is all about selling a lifestyle, then i guess i've sold my lifestyle to the Texan

personally i was never a fan of starbucks, but in terms of their business model, i am full of admiration. The price is high, the coffee is seriously nothing to shout about, the decoration is just typical. You can find thousand of reasons that it may or it shoul fail, but not only it survived, but it is forming part of our life. Starbucks may be a sunset business in European countries, but it has no sign of wilting in the Asia counterpart.

now it has appeared to me that things that are popular in USA will make way to Japan, taiwan, HK or Singapore, then it will make way to Malaysia or maybe thailand/ indonesia. Eventually it will reach China as the popularity declined in European countries. Thanks to the technology, many trends no longer going through the cycle, but the theory still valid in many terms. Many traders or businessman have successfully ride on the bandwagon and make a big bucks out of it, Berjaya Group definitely is one of them.

My question is, why are we so willingly to be culturally conquered by the western counterparts? Theis grass just seems greener in every way. With small alternation, their popular items will definitely stormed into our life and accepted it as a cultural norm. I try to struggle and failed, but i am still holding my last breath. No idea what was i upholding with, but i just cant stop myself but feeling pity for the 90's babies. no doubt they apdoted well, living a better life, breaking through a lot of so call tradition that restricted social advancement, but i just felt the human touch and soul is missing somewhere. Individualism is rising to the mainstream, and social pride just seems a little bit far off...

my pessimsim may be due to the group of 90's babies i am observing are from higher income group, which have absolute no idea the actual value of RM10,000. but it is good enough to keep me shivering.

age gap

2009-09-14T22:37:00.002+08:00

yesterday had a reunion dinner with a few schoolmate of mine. Inevitably our conversation involved 'facebook' very much. " remember to tag me!" " ur singapore trip seems so fun!" i do find it kinda freaky that we were still unable to offline even when we are meeting up physically. We have not met each other for more than 8 years, and know nothing about our education background or current job status, but everyone seems to know that who has been to bali, and who is currently happily attached. So now the world has change so much you will know all the private matters of a person, but besides that, you know nothing about him or her. hey, this is so different from the defination of aquantance from merely 5 years back!

as much as i personally hooked up to facebook as well, i am actually hating the effect that it broughts along. This schoolmate of mine asked me why would a guy change their status to 'in relationship with' in facebook n thus causing their market price to drop. I cheekily answered that mostly likely the gf used the account and change the status (which i strongly believe so), and i made some comment about how silly of people declaring that you turned single or having a relationship with who to all the people be it friends or acquantance.

then my friend made a really good statement that caught me thinking until now :" well, they definitely can and will do so because facebook is the platform of showing off your narcissistic, telling the world that look, i am soooo cool looking."

seriously, the statement actually change my perspective towards facebook as i tried to digest the statement. i am beginning to think that the reason i despice those showboat in facebook because i am putting my slightly conservative perspective on them without realizing the creation and the reason of facebook being so popular. Narcissism, i have overlook your existance.

many things i've failed to comprehend yet, and i am actually seeing age gap among group that are merely few years younger than me. The true reason is because internet only slowly infused to my life as i entering college where those younger than me 2 yeras or more actually have internet as part of their life. in internet world, i am older b 20 years. this maybe a general statement, but this is how i generally felt towards those city boy/girl that are younger than me.

good example is that i havae concern over privacy and the importance of keeping things to myself in certain things/occasion, but this seems to be a weird idea to others. I thought having a blog is already the biggest breakthrough in terms of privacy, but twitter just proved that young people thirst to be heard and to be known, and nothings else seems to be an issue.

call me old fashion, but i will not bow down to twitter as it definitely crossed my final line. And what's more important, i have lost the fun of writing and receiving letter from pen-pal, i do not wish to lose my blog.

p/s: have the sudden thought that most books lover are the one hold thight to the great feeling of written letters, does it make us more conversative?

performing art

2009-08-02T00:05:00.003+08:00

when to KLPAC and attended a performance art competition call Short and Sweet Malaysia 2009. Attended the event because i have never been to KLPAC, curious about performing art in malaysia, and a friend of mind is one of the performers.

lots of thought came into my mind while i was watching the dances, and sometimes i was so into my thinking that i forgotten about what were they performing. That's probably is one of the beauty of such dances. I have a thought on pretty much everything, from the difficulties in juggling between metaphoric vs audience acceptance, to the quality of audience, rude neighbor that keep guessing the origin of dance (and got it all wrong), the horrible invention call cellphone, the studio....

lots of thing to digest for a day especially it was a class on taxation before i head on to the performance. i shall rest my brain for the moment....

the arrival

2009-07-30T18:06:00.002+08:00

this month i have like millions of hours for self reflection, but most of the time i ended up sleeping, which is normal knowing the fact i choose to do it lying down on my bed and the super comfortable memory pillow (i am actually missing it already by just mentioning the name).

i am still far from being sure of what i am looking forward to. Things dont just come naturally apparently. Making a decision is just a beginning of tonnes of question. I have answer non of it so far. I am very grateful to many people and things that allowed myself to be financially independent while indulging in this delirium stage of mind. daily expenses has been monitored to have an articulate time frame i have to be confused.

i wish to be a non responsible child so that i can ignore the statement from my dad that he has drained out all his EPF for our education. but i guess it is just not possible. Giving parent a good retirement life has become a hidden stress to me. but i guess, it is still a blessing in disguise...

discipline

2009-07-14T00:02:00.002+08:00

sometime i hates myself for knowing myself well. lack of discipline until the dying moment, then only gung-ho all the way. I do know this is really bad, but the problem is i always managed to pull it off with just last minute effort. i am thankful for the smart genes, but not once i have heard that attitude decides everything you will be.

now i am officially not attaching myself to any company, hence self-discipline has become super important. I am definitely not doing well enough. the fact that i did not do anything i am suppose to do for the whole day prove it all.

damn...i'm gonna die of hunger real soon....

night

2009-07-05T22:28:00.002+08:00

10.30pm.

brain is still partially functioning. Wanted to rest but dont think i am capable of sleeping so early after a 2hour nap.

suppose to attend a meeting this morning. Supposed to do clean up in my room. But yeah, we all know, when u use the word 'suppose to', it did not happen eventually. All this happened due to the crazy Oriental Express. Absolutely no clue what it was, all i know is, i drank 8 shots (wait a second, those are double shots glass, it was 16 shots, crap~) of alcoholsss in 2 minutes. god knows how much brain cells are dead last night.

anyway, i should be grateful,to have a bunch of useless ex-colleague. Don't think everyone is lucky enough to have a farewell party will your former boss and colleagues and went crazy all along. now they are officially my friends only, and we are not going to undergo same problem every night and day.

Not sure how the future is, but i have heard enough story to know that you may cry along with your colleague when he/she is sad now, but once you left the company, you just became another acquaintance in life. As technology advance, people are less willing to keep in contact, i wonder why.

oh did i mention that i got memory gap again and puke all over the place without myself knowing it? :) and i actually have no memory of seeing a late comer, that according to her, i was talking to her in sound mind and scolded her for coming late. Hopefully this is not a sign of bipolar syndrome, crap...

moving on...

2009-07-03T21:31:00.002+08:00

So finally i have resigned and starting a new lifestyle. The reality hasnt really sit in yet as i actually have quite a full on weekend for the past 1 week. So still not feeling the difference yet. Heck, i am seeing my ex-colleague as frequent as it was, perhaps that is the key reason...

been scribble a lot in mandarin, not sure the reason behind. Just felt like writing in chinese, that's about it. I mean, after all, i am more capable of expressing myself in mandarin as compare to other languages due to the educational background ( will probably take an hour to write a sentence if i try to do it in Malay). Not only once i have encounter incident in which people find it so shocking to learn that i can read chinese (what the heck, i am good at it all right...), because i do not have the 'chinese school look'.

whatever it is, i have no clue, but strongly doubt that the statement is a compliment as a whole. Sometimes do find it rather scary that because of language barrier, we the malaysian chinese, splitting ourselves from the merely 21% population into another half. Given the current situation, if i were a politician, for sure i will play the inter AND intra racial card and manipulate the situation around as well. it is so darn easy to stir tension as respect and understanding was not much given to one another. Just throw a question on which language should science be taught in n u will start seeing people fighting. Both side have their point, but they did not see the common problem i.e. malaysian is jack of all language, but master of non, so why not look at the most important issue, which is the reason behind the incapability of grasping the languages? is the teacher up to the standard? as far as my experience can tell, HELL NO~ just ask around what do the BM teacher teach during the class, and the whoever prof that protest on this issue will understand that there has been a problem in the teaching method, n whether he win this war or not, malaysian's BM is weakening and will continue be seen as not cool to use it.

Cool factor is rather important for the y generation, well, take my friend's sister for example. She hates POA classes and hence chinese language. But few years back i saw her reading learning material on chinese language, i got so shocked and later only to find out she is learning that so she could watch drama acted by F4 and sing Jay Chow's song in RedBox.

i have gone through the pain of screwing up result as a result of inability to answer exam question in English. It took me 5 years to remember all the stuff in Malay language n A level expect me to convert everything into english in a year time. Not everyone is capable of doing that, so please, if want the student to be good at the language, then teach them at the right way at language classes.

nevertheless, i do think that implementation of this policy kinda too hasty, reason being our teacher's quality is still far from there yet. If only our government is patient enough to take 2-3 years to produce some high quality teachers, if only....

n why am i writing all this nonsense? crap....

wrong answer....

2009-05-22T20:46:00.002+08:00

did i give the wrong answer? i am still worrying over it.

when a paragraph of words is capable of disabling you from doing anything right for the next 12 hours, you should know it by hard....

yes, i am screwed....

slow...

2009-05-19T20:53:00.002+08:00

ever since i started my course a month ago, time seems to have stretched longer than how it use to be. usually my weekends are rather unproductive, suddenly it became the most informative and fruitful time of the week. So it was like a additional 48 extra hours given to me from top above, i suddenly felt a little bit lost during the weekday.

how it tat possible that it is still May? i've been asking myself this question for many times as i was driving from point A to Point B during the day. My colleague would probably know that whenever i start thinking about certain things as i was driving, for sure i will head on to somewhere else besides my actual destination. N it happened rather rampant in the past weeks.

i am so anxious, but feeling helpless at the same time. Jun...please come by soon, and throw down a judgment on me if i have done it right...

10.10pm

2009-05-04T22:09:00.003+08:00

wrote a long post on all the excuses that i can think of to explain myself being single. It sounds so convincing that i almost believe that it is the societies' fault that i am single.So, i deleted it.

I do wish to have a partner. But i did nothing to make it happen.

coward.

p/s: spent an hour on this nonsense just to avoid reading the thick textbook. I am a student once again. Behavior also act like one, my goodness....

uncertainty

2009-04-09T12:39:00.000+08:00

I hates uncertainty. Hate it because its out of my control. Hate it because I can only predict the outcome.

Father's bad memory is worsen by day. And it has finally reach a stage that worries me. He had a minor surgery on the eye,and it went smoothly. he was allowed to go home after the surgery and only need to do a routine checkup on the next day. But in the morning, he can't recall when was it that he had the eye surgery, twice, in merely an hour time.

Family, career, friendship, all seems to be in uncertainty. Beginning to question myself if it is a consequences of taking things for granted. Is an apology too late for now? Or worse still, is there anything I can do to make it a different?

A friend told me that I need a gf to wash away the blue, and she could not understand why I am having problem finding one. I understand her perspective, but I am well aware of the rational behind the hoo-ha. October is the date I told myself that things will be different, but I am fearing the arrival now. I have not done enough to make a different yet.

Breeze

2009-04-05T21:16:00.003+08:00

wrote this a couple of weeks ago using my phone. For once i actually appreciating the window mobile device. During my trip there's so much travel time that i used it up to write down my travel diary. i guess, this is what i need for backpacking in the upcoming future, if i am still capable of doing so....

On the next day of my return from the trip, my parent left us and flies off to another holiday destination. Feeling rather weird as I've living with bunch of monkey for 2 weeks and a sudden surge of quietness make me feel little bit of uncomfortable.

Last week, I was sitting on the tour bus in awe as we passing by the million dollars villa that build on the spectacular hillside of san Francisco, cycles through the posh marina street that overview the golden gate bridge, and standing on san Diego beach looking at the Orion belt and Sirius star shining on top of me.

48hours after arrival, I was cycling at a gated community, passing by all the posh bungalows while the same Orion belt and Sirius shining brightly on top of me.

It feels kind of irony as I was cycling at the night. The air is slightly warmer, the design of the bungalow is slightly more contemporary, and the orientations of the stars are slightly tilted from few nights ago.

Fate, are you trying to tell me something? You do know my emotions have gone through roller coaster since I visited San Francisco right? And was it you that make me miss my home of youth so much?

I hate to admit it, but the desire of going back is engulfing me badly. Where do I belong to? Climbing up the stairs, or just being the average Joe? I'm no longer capable of making selfish decision, but sacrificing own desire seems to be tough to bear with at this point of view.

Ah...screw it, let's just enjoy the warm breeze.

Fly

2009-03-02T21:56:00.004+08:00

leaving home for 2 weeks in few hours time. This round, i am even more unprepared than the previous few holidays. I must admit i have always enjoyed the adrenaline rush of completing tasks on the last minute basis, hence again i was busy for the past 2 days until an hour ago only i started to look for bags and things to pack.

House has long filled up with traveling toiletry and bags, so its not exactly such a hard task to pack things. Just exactly 13 years ago, nobody from our family ever been to anywhere besides Singapore and Hattyai. So traveling it was like such a big thing and usually it will take up days to prepare for a trip. As year go by, we move along with all the fellow countrymen, each of us starting to explore the world. I tried to pinned up the countries that all of us has traveled to in a online map the other day, and its kinda shocking even to myself.

my sisters and i each have stayed in oversea for at least 2 years for study or works, and interesting all choose to come back. each of us have some reason behind, but one thing is that, we have no regret to do so. However, that still did not stop us from liking other countries. More cities are going to be stepped on by us.

what worry me now is, when am i going to complete my travel blog? god~ please give me the dedication towards the blog~~~~i am beginning to forgot about my interesting travel story.....

Video

2009-02-25T21:10:00.002+08:00

saw the news through facebook. Wasnt surprised with the incident, as this town has long known for craziness.

i tried to save up the video, but it seems that i am lacking some program to do so. Let's just hope the webpage will keep this for long. Here is the link

some former student feel disgusted, but for me, its just plain nostalgic. Talk about being crazy and yet receive forgiveness at the end of the day.

This is youth. This is, Dunedin.

PDA

2009-02-24T22:25:00.003+08:00

First time using pda mobile. Although the internet speed is pathetically slow, but at least it help me to kill sometime.

Just as i have many plans to do today, i got stuck in this tiny place that i have absolute no intention to walk into. Things just happened at the least expected way lately. Not to have a plan is an ideal plan for current stage.

Going off for a long trip real soon. Can feel the excitement from people surround me. Personally, i'm still feeling alright. Sometime i'm feeling grateful and doubtful at the same time for all the things happening around me.i dont feel deserving from time to time, but i'm still receiving all the rewards. As far as my experience count, opportunity given seems to be more important than the effort you put in.

I've done a few great decision for myself to stand at where i am now.soon, i need to decide on my next path.let's pray that once again i make the choices.

For things that i've missed out, i'm still feeling the pain in my heart. I'm not sure if i can claim you back, but i'm trying not to look backward,and find something as good as what you are.no doubt i cant wash away the feeling i lay upon you, but i'm learning to keep it in my heart, trying not to let it spill out and distract my routine life.

People always cherish things that they cant obtained, you just cant deny that.

thought of the day:
perhaps love is like the energy, you can't create or destroy it, but you can convert it into other form. it could be motivation,sadness or even happiness. We cant control the birth/death of love, but we can choose on how and what to convert it into.

the differences

2009-02-22T22:39:00.002+08:00

Few weeks back heard this off someone. I cant remember who was the wise man and why did he or she said it, but somehow i remember that particular few sentences of words. Selective listening, men can do the best :)

the situation was unknown, but i heard this "people always said about how they were much happier when they are studying. I reckon the reason behind such thinking is because when we were students, we have a very straight forward goal, passed or Aced the exam. Hence, we have something to achieve or to measure our success or failure. After student life, our goal is way more complicated and abstract, most people dont even know if they failed or succeeded after striving for 20 or 30 years."

Hm...kinda make sense. I know i can get an A as long i start study a week earlier. But now, i can never be sure that i can achieve something as long i spend more time on it.

Good thing is, i know the source of all this uneasy feeling very well. i'm seeking new excitement in work, but the timing is crucial. Dear Mr. cerebrum, Please make it easy for yourself when the time comes.

奇怪的是，我那么的渴望新鲜感，为何我却愚笨的等待妳来溶化那雪藏十年的心。

Shifted

2009-02-18T20:58:00.002+08:00

Same house, but different room.

Actually, i'm kind of use to shifting, be it room or house. Interesting thing is, regardless how much i have thrown each time, there is still plenty more of rubbish that i need to discard away during the next shifting. In theory i am an environmentalist, and i despise anyone that litter. however, in reality, i am just a net rubbish producer like anyone else.

Suddenly this picture came into my mind:

The unfortunate group from Philippine that stayed and work at garbage side.

guiltiness filling up my mind fast...and gone.

wonder if i would have sleeping problem tonight.

complicating the simplicity

2009-02-10T23:16:00.002+08:00

Just realized how annoying it is to read a blog that has absolute no relation to the title. Yes, i do it all the time too.

Not knowing who you are or only got to know who you are through others; i wonder which is more pathetic.

A cut above

2009-01-01T02:28:00.002+08:00

After saying no to a number of invitation for countdown celebration, i kind of regret it. Its not because i want to party, but its more of the fact that i want to runaway from the surprise party that my family is hosting...

At the end of the day, i choose to stay in room and bear with the noise, because i think it is still far more bearable compared to the traffic jam. I had a feel of how bad it can be last year, so i've learn that i should either planned early, be there early, or just stay put at home.

The thing is, as the clock is ticking towards 2009, i had a stomach upset. Without thinking much,i went straight to the loo. Just as i want to blast up Japan, i heard fireworks starting to blast the sky.

Happy new year. I told myself, sitting on the toilet bowl, listening to the echoes of fireworks from far.

bandwagon '08

2008-12-28T17:25:00.007+08:00

About few months back i saw my friend did a three-quarter review of her 2008 resolution. I sort of look back what i wrote a year ago. impressively, i actually achieved 6/10 for my resolution. In terms of university level, i actually passed the test~~

its actually a happy thing to see urself achieving something u aimed for, especially when its kinda tough to reach it... Obviously there is more can be done to achieve another 4 goals, but hey, i have been living quite a lay back life for the past 20 over years, so i will not be harsh on myself for this.

After writing few appraisal in the hope of receiving miserable pay increment, i have learn that in many ways, its all about percentage. And since i am my own boss, so i shall do my resolution with the percentage game.

1. Maintain my total gross income, with 20% goes to 'cannot be touched fund' and 15% goes to investment.
2. complete my travel blog (god, please give me strength on this~)
3. At least complete the 2 stories that have be swimming in my dream for the past year (maybe this one i need strength from angels~)
4. increase my frequency of exercise/gym to 4 days/week
5. complete a professional papers and an investment program
6. continue trying new games. doing acrobatic stunk with airplane would be a good start :)
7. travel to any random place without prior planning (although high chances this will tarnish my resolution no.1)
8. learn how to use my camera
9. have a solid plan on financing towards a very own SOHO unit.
10. if cant help physically, at least donate money to charity.
11. Concentrate my focus on my decided career path.

last but not least, dont really want to put in into my resolution list, but i think its something i should do. Shy to admit, but i think i should be serious about getting a girl and think about forming a family in few years time. I know its something very much dependent on fate and luck, but having mental preparation for things to happen shouldn't be that bad right? Not saying that i will go out hunting like a warewolf-lah, just spent a bit more time on people that i feel comfortable with.

After all, i do scared that my aunt really bring my cousin and i for match-making..hm....that maybe can be my no.12 resolution.....

young

2008-11-30T13:08:00.004+08:00

Attended F.I.R concert yesterday. Obviously i went because i got free ticket and free transportation. I cant even hum out a single song from the band.

so ya, unsurprisingly, my friend and i only recognized about 3 songs that sang by them, and we spend most time looking at a fan that is wearing working attired which got so passionate about the concert that he non-stop waving his fist on the air.

Maybe we would be more excited if we got better sitting or standing instead of stay seated, but ya, we were pretty much sitting there,watching the whole place go havoc. Nevertheless, we were happy, because we did something different. At the end of the day, we come out with a quote that fits our feeling rather well.

i did something young, just to realize i'm not exactly that young.

apple

2008-11-23T00:11:00.002+08:00

being the single soul living in this big house again for the past whole week, and will continue do so for another week. Be it an excuse or not, i've been spending less than 8 hours a day in the house for the past 4 days, and that already included my 6 hours sleeping time. Inevitably, i have not had a proper meal for whole week already.

its nothing big for most of the KL people as most people are not as lucky as me who got hot dinner when i got home every night. But for people like me who has been so indulge in the luxurious of having mum at home, it is definitely something abnormal and it does brought some thought into my mind regarding family.

nevertheless, i lived well alone. After all, i do have all the skills to survive in this city alone. and i do enjoy something i dont do when i'm not alone in the house. Drinking party in my house on weekday is definitely something nostalgic to me, n i got to do it last week.

today had a long working day, got home about 12am. Get into the house, throw in all the working bags on the floor, head off to the room. Then like i turn on auto-mode, i took off my formal attire, and turn on my CD player to the Norah Jones CD (that i am a little bit bored of but i am too lasy to change the CD).Then subconsciouly, i walked to my mini-bar, poured out Bicardi Apple, added ice and sprite into the fat glass cup. I sat on my favourite inclined chairs, sipping the alcohol, close my eye and enjoy the moment of the sweet taste alcohol warming up my chest.

relax-nya, that's what is in my mind now......

Letters

2008-11-11T21:51:00.003+08:00

thanks to the two notorious second-cousin of mine that are currently habitat-ing my former room, my mum poured out all my letters from the all-in-messed drawer into a plastic bag and asked me to throw it all away.

i argued with her that this is my memory, then she asked me when was the last time i looked into all this so call memory. I couldnt answer. 5 years ago? 8 years? As a matter of fact i am just assuring myself that my memory is lying there, but i never bother looking or preserving it in the right way. so i just told her to leave the bag of letter there and i will take care of it.

pouring out all the letter onto the floor, i am quite amazed with the amount of letters i have. But i am quite sure the amount of letters are not complete. Some been slightly torned, some have shown yellow spots on the written paper. There's greeting cards, letter written to myself, but most of all are letters written by my pen-pal as well as acquantance that i got to know in those 4 dyas 3 night camp that i was quite actively involved with at one point.

Reading pen-pal letters turn out to be quite a emotional driven task. I am so surprised that i have at least 7 pen-pals when i was in secondary school and among all of them, i can only vaguely remember 2. Reason being this 2 person is because they are my first 2 pen-pal, therefore i have replied them the highest amount of time. And the rest of the pen-pals i actually have no memory of reading their letter. So i am guessing that i was the one did not reply the letter and causing all these sad ending of the very first version of virtual-friendship.

Upon finished reading i have quite strong urge to tear up some paper and start writing letter back to all of them, telling them sorry for the waiting, the longest was in fact 10 years already. But in reality i do know quite well the chances of getting them back into contact is quite unlikely. Oh well, let's just see which 1 fine day i will actually reply, somehting i am perceiving it as a silly thing to do so.

something interesting was found among those letter as well. For example, at the age of 14, i actually wrote down something like this "I will help Malaysia to become a developed country. Please do not say that i cant do it, it's just the matter of i want to do it or not" Never knew that my patrotism started at such a young age.

then i also saw a letter written by the happening dr. She wrote something about i must inform her a year in advance if i ever get married with JL in NZ so that she will have the money to fly down to NZ and attend the wedding. I really had a good laugh after reading it....dear Dr, allow me to do something i've not done for very long.....

i'm speechless (showing 3 fingers to you)

---damn,i can so imagine the facial expression of the happening Doc and the not so happening JL doing this to me.

take 1, camera~

2008-10-29T22:03:00.003+08:00

I bought a camera 3 months ago, but never really got the chance to use it. Its not because of lacking of worth while event, most of the time is due to the fact that i am too use to the life of getting thumb drive from other cameraman and i just cant remember to bring my camera to any event. Furthermore, i have yet to master the camera.

As i was looking at the waterfall pictures, satisfied with my learning process of how to snap a waterfall to my liking, i saw this picture laying there.

i've almost forgotten to dedicate this first ever picture taken by this camera to you. My bad my dear friend.Nice teeth you got here :)

Dont worry, nobody would know your height from this picture, so i'm sure nobody can recognize you :)

Cry me a waterfall

2008-10-28T21:55:00.004+08:00

Like most people, i do like waterfall, but was never a fanatic. Went to a waterfall for the 2nd time in half a year time. It doesn't sounds like a lot of time, but knowing the fact that i only been to any waterfall less than 10 times in 24 years, this is pretty frequent.

Like the previous round, i got bitten by leeches. Luckily, non of them got my crucial part like what they did the last round. 11 bitten marks, injured knee and elbow, and sunburn-shoulder is what i got this round of 2 days 1 night waterfall expenditure.

shy to admit that this is actually the first time i ever sleep in a tent inside deep jungle. I seriously cant remember if i was really that hardworking that i have no time to join any scout, St john or Kadet Remaja. But ya, i did not join any of those kind and had not been camping over spooky forest before.

Luckily, i went with veterans that make setting up tent, cooking, and setting up fire as effortless as farting. So i had like a feast in the middle of nowhere, and start to wonder if i actually joint a weight-gain camp.

The waterfall was great, and the absence of other mankind make it even greater. After all, not many people willing to walk through the jungle and hills for 3 hours just to play in the waterfall when you can have it anytime in Sunway Lagoon.

the sound of pouring waterfall is seriously refreshing, especially when you rest on a hammock, slowly swing yourself, and close your eyes and relax. When you rest enough, open up your eye, and you'll see the beautiful waterfall continue handsomely stood in front of you and greet you with the splashing water sound.

many people seek traveling as a form of rejuvenation, but seriously, you can easily do it within KL. For some reason, i've been appreciating Malaysia particularly Klang Valley much more than a year ago when i just got back from the 'pure' land. To be exact, i've never love more than what i am feeling right now towards this land in my whole humble life.

I'm a man, I'm a soul. I've got lots of place to go, but i do know, this is the place that i want to grow old.

This is my home.

you've got mail

2008-10-16T19:55:00.002+08:00

today when i open up m y facebook homepage, i was surprised to find a small little '5' written in superscript next to the 'inbox' button. I was happy. After reading the message, i happily reply to the correspondent, and then i calm down and ask myself, hey, arent this feeling nostalgic?

I used to have 3 pen-pal at the same time. I'm still keep some of their letters, but most of it had been scribbled and thrown away by my second cousin ( who is currently taking up my old room and happily take out all the letters, stamp and photos inside my drawer. oh no...dont remind me about my precious stamp...)

Here's the thing, during that time, i actually received real letter. No e, just mail. Although one of the guy handwriting is ugly enough to beat me, but i still enjoy reading it. I can feel their handwriting, feel the uneven surface of the letter as a result of writing, coffee and water marks that left down by them, and most of all, the fragrance from the letter and ink (obviously another 2 pen-pals are female, i may be young, but i still know i preference).

The letter is so alive that quite often i will start imagining how he or she looks like when they were writing it. during that time, house's letterbox is the first place i rush to whenever i got home from school. If i did receive a letter, i will rush to my room, turn on my air-con, and start reading it on my bed. After reading it, i will start blaming the letter for so short (although sometime it was like 3 pages long in A4 size)

then i will start thinking what to reply while i was eating lunch. After shower i will then start writing down and send the letter out on the next day. Then i will start the routine again of checking the letter box. The moment of receiving letter is really great, and the waiting period make it greater. As much as i know that it would at least take 6 days for a reply letter to send back to me, but i still anticipate it to arrive on the 2nd days and not feeling disappointed if it did not happen

For some reason, all these delay actually make lots of thing more beautiful than it is. i am far more excited to receive mail than email. I am missing someone in oversea more than another one that i know i can catch them in MSN anytime. i have more dreams on Tibet and Mongolia than Paris that can be found in any webpage or even movies.

sending and receiving email is so easy that it lost the beauty of delay. What's worse than that is that you know email only have 5 second delay, and the only explanation that no reply was given is because the recipient is not replying. the waiting of reply would be painful instead. and the prompt reply is not exciting because it is suppose to be that way.

nevertheless, thanks to the laziness, prompt reply still surprise and make some people happy, because you are one of the rare species that actually bother reply upon finish reading...

although i dont believe in horoscope, and i am beg to defer about how Pisces are romantic people, i am a person that don't mind writing love letter to the special one. Some girl might fall for it, but for my case, i'm just enjoying the anticipation of receiving a smiley letter in return.

road less taken

2008-10-13T21:29:00.002+08:00

After living in this world for 24 years, with 5 years of dunno what's going on, and probably another 15 years of knowing-what's-going-on but-who-cares life, i think i may have problem pointing out if i have done anything right.

since secondary school, i would join anything that i felt is cool or right, then took up some supporting role that make myself/ppl that i'm kinda important but as a matter of fact didnt exactly do much. Even when i was asked to choose a post i am interested in the kelab during secondary school, i chose Vice President with no hesitation. I told them that i may not be a good leader, but i am definitely a good supporter. Come to think of it, i am just a person that kinda afraid of taking up responsibility and yet wish to be standing next to the limelight.

not aggresive, supportive, and perhaps a little bit of positive behaviour (thanks to all the excellent people that i fortunate enough to stand next to), i do have a good number of friends. To be more specific, a good number of people that know me do see me as a friend that is worthy enough to come out for a drink or continue keeping in touch with.

Obviously from time to time i also feel a bit lonely as no one look for me or no one for me to look for. But after comparing with most working class, i'm actually keeping in touch with a lot of people already. And the diverse background of these people really amazed me every now and then.

here's the reason i am writing all this nonsense. In a week time, i met 2 senior seperately. Both are at late 20's, and both chosen totally different pathway. One man is earning god knows how many zero at the back in a year, while another one is earning lesser than the minimum amount required before you are being taxed. Interestingly enough, one cried in front of me while another person have the most jovial, care free charisma that i have ever encounter in life. One man wonder when he can be as rich as his friends while another wonder when he can get work permit to work for charity association.

my mind was so messed up by this 2 person, and i am beginning to ask myself:

what is my personal aspiration?

Memory

2008-10-09T16:52:00.002+08:00

As i was in the toilet, trying hard to return nutrient back to the mother earth, i saw the vague scar on my palm. Then i realized how amazingly our little brain can remember and cannot remember so many things.

Thanks to that scar, i experienced sudden surge of memory influx as the bottom half of my body doing the totally opposite thing. It's not exactly that nice scene to imagine on huh...i wish my sweet memory come to me in much sweeter manner too, but hey, its totally out of my control.

Talking about toilet, i just got to know a week ago that 'toilette' has absolutely nothing to do with toilet. Few months back i was pretty close to walking into BodyShop and buy a toilette as toilet air freshener.

Anyway, back to the memory story, i actually remembered the whole scenario that resulted a scar by just merely glaring at the mark although it was like 13 years ago. Same goes to the scar that i had on my knee, which happened 16 years ago. See, i can even remember the year that it happened. All this which suppose to be pain memory seems to be capable of last rather long in our brain. Happy memory....hm...somehow, far more vague. I can remember how i gotten 2nd in Syarahan Competition, but the details has totally fade off...

Perhaps that one of the reason why we always have far more bad memory on partners that left us. As much as many player or casual relationship out there, there are still not many broke up couple that become friend eventually. Maybe, we can blame all this to the psychological behaviour of human being.

know it all....

2008-09-04T21:57:00.002+08:00

Information that you can find over internet is so enormous that it really amazed me... Yesterday i had such satisfaction from finally understanding the twisted history between Kuomintang and Communist Party, all thanks to the very wonderful Wikipedia.

This morning when i woke up i felt pain on my neck and my neck motion been badly restricted. After suffered for the whole day, i seek my mum help and with little surprise, my mum asked me to put the pillow under the sun, which is some funny method that derived from some ancient Chinese Mythology of bed goddess that i am not sure of (wonder if wikipedia have information on this).

Obviously i did not follow my mum's advice, so what i do is i google 'twisted neck' both in english and mandarin as i would like to see if there's actually people would advice me to put my pillow under the sun. Interestingly, the first result i received was from a blog in which the host mentioned that after long search over internet, she found the most common advices she found was to rotate the toe in clock-wise circular motion. She found it to be effective after repeating it for 5 times, and hence i follow.

To my surprise, i actually felt much better!! i didnt exactly cured on the spot, but i really felt much better, and after an hour in which i rotate my toe on and off, i am fully recovered. I'm pretty impressed with this little help i found from internet, wonderful if this method has anything to do with acupunctual point that we always hear from those movies.

thank you google, and thank you Yahoo! :)

Different

2008-09-03T22:22:00.003+08:00

Have you ever woke up in the morning and realize, hm...something is different today. You cant tell what it is, but you know it's different. You could be finding everything so wonderful today, or everything is a disastrous.

I'm been undergoing some down point for the past two months due to my hesitation on almost everthing. I've been trying to overcome it but it just seems that my endocrine is producing some hormone preventing me from thinking straight. Something you really need to use the hard way to craw back up the hill. No short cut, no equipment, just your feet and yourself, step by step, walk up to the hill top once again.

In my process of clearing up my paperwork (thanks to the deadline that was imposed), i'm beginning to feel the momentum. I have such strong urge to make a cup of tea/coffee, and since Form 5 I've learn that this is my mind, using my action to tell myself that, its time to get serious.

Welcome back. roar~~~~

budget

2008-09-01T19:58:00.003+08:00

Many years back, i couldnt understand how could my father and his aging friends so crazy about politics. They literally live on political news and they called the politicians by name like they were their close friends.

Just like many of you, after living for a quarter of century, you begin to understand something, misunderstand something, and cannot understand something. Luckily, or unluckily, i begin to understand about politics.

Budget 2008/09 is something that really close to my heart. Why you may ask. It is because for the first time i felt directly related to government's policy. And i was really pissed when i realised the budget totally unrelated to me. Who said politics has nothing to do with you? its hurts my pocket in present tense. AND now i know why my father can remember many men's name. There is no way for you to forget the person who owe you money or take money away from you.

on another notes, i felt grateful and grateful (again) that i lived in the sin city that camophlage under the name of prosperity. Perhaps you need to be really stupid to not to know how people from this town earn their fortune from. Having said that, many people can only guess the existance of this 'hidden class' without sound proof. Or else, i wouldnt have call them the 'hidden class'. Not middle class, could be higher class, but you cant tell.

The hidden class has so much authority that one could not imagine. So often we see a park/bridge was build and as much as we could not understand the rationale behind it, we accept it and never question further. Some critics might use their pen and wrote their disapproval in various place. They might have guessed it, but they can never pointed out the man that is laughing in the evil sound at the background.

Perhaps i have benefited from them before, perhaps i have lost my hard earn money to them before, i have no way to trace it. The only thing i know is, their existance allows me to understand many things that i dont understand, and see many ugly faces that i cant see on TV.

Penang

2008-08-25T19:40:00.002+08:00

Had a weekend trip to Penang to check out my nephew. Basically this new baby make everyone go frenzy. One small smile good enough to make us happy for whole day. Interestingly, my sister stays in Permatang Pauh

So basically, while the whole country concentrating on one man in Permatang Pauh, we lay our eye on this baby boy. For us, he is the man now...

Nevertheless, being right in the ground zero, its pretty hard not to pay attention to what is happening around us, so while the baby boy fall asleep, my dad and i quickly switch from baby wonderland to World War 3. Both parties had ceramah in merely walking distance from my sister house so eventually we still sneaked out to check out all the big shot.

My dad managed to catch a glimpse of our PM. According to him, maybe its in the afternoon, or maybe this is the strong base of the opposition, there is merely a hundred people gathered there to listen to his speech that involved lots of candy giving. RM500k for Chinese school in Permatang Pauh. Geez, no wonder our YB always got cursed, with this policy, everybody wants a by-election.

Then at night, my dad and i attended the ceramah held by PKR. And yes, we manage to see Anwar Ibrahim, really close. The bodyguard made out a space out of the crowded area for him to walk him, but he was being cautious or friendly (not too sure which one is true), he walked into the crowd to get up to the stage. So i'm so happened to be standing at that crowd, so he actually walked past me, and i actually have both my hand on air, and also 3 seconds to think if i should pat his back and said well done.

Eventually i did not touch him, because i am afraid that my hand will be chopped off by the bodyguard. Having said that, i am still feel lucky to be gotten so close to him. He is so charismatic that i actually felt my heart stop pumping for that particular 3 seconds. i am so afraid to breath that i might hurt him. At the same time, the crowd behind were so frenzy that i am receiving enormous push from my back. I was so scared that i might fall over, or even worse, fall on top of Anwar Ibrahim.

Can't imagine how would i looks like on the front page. "Frenzy crowd crashed Anwar!"

Oh no, that's not how i want to be on the front page.

Wonder when would i be able to walk pass crowd and make their heart stop pumping for 3 seconds.

"Oh that's easy, just find some old uncle and scream at them, they will definitely stop pumping for more than 3 days."

I hate mini-me....I dont need you to answer my question~

"you are welcome"

Shut up!

House

2008-08-19T22:41:00.003+08:00

darkness.

the gate obediently follow the track and roll backwards,giving way to my baby-blue Nissan entering the house compound. Hand still hurts from the badminton game i attended an hour ago.

Clumsily, i grabbed all my bag on my left, and shoes on my right, while trying to open my house door in darkness. Stupid i know, i can always put down the bag first. But it is faster by doing so, i always tell myself that. I don't believe it, but i still do it.Stupidity of mankind is indefinite, i can so hear Albert Einstein telling me that.

'cluck, cluck'

Darkness.

Placed down my bag, subconsciously i reached the switch and brighten up the dining hall. Picked up the not so new newspaper, i locked the door, and turn off the light again. In darkness, i casually walked to the stairs and head towards my room. Walking up this far too familiar stair, noise is what i thirst for and what i am afraid of at the same time. how ironic.

My room, which technically speaking my actual home, welcome me with darkness. Confined in all the closed window, it's definitely having bad airflow and giving me a very stuffy feeling. If i want to describe my room as a person, then she would be a late 40s old lady that i am so familiar with and yet definitely not a person that i want to grow old with.

Air-con, music, laptop, newspaper,shower. Routinely done upon entering this room. But today, i have this little question in mind. Is this what i am looking for in the past 1 and half years?

i never hide my ambition of getting a decent condo in 2 years time, as i am far more comfortable with the way i live in NZ that what i have been experiencing for the past 18 years before i head off the the neverland. But it seems i have forgotten the 'care' and 'love' that change the definitation of 'house' to 'home'. As much as i care and love my parents a lot, i do leave this house empty often enough to make them know the Astro schedule inside out. Hence, staying somewhere else technically make no different to them.

Being home alone for a week in this far-too-oversize-for-single-man-semi-D,make me reconsider what i have been thriving myself forward. Do you really want the 2 jokers only stay in this house?

for the past 4 months, my table next to my bed always have 2 filled bottle of water sitting there and waiting for me to consume it. Yesterday, i was so shocked to find it empty. How am i going to drink water in the night then? hey wait a second, why this bottle has no water today? yes, it took me 4 months to realise it was my dad who filled up the water every night before i head home and locked up my room door.

i crave of becoming back who i believe i was, but nothing beats seeing the love i have always been embraced with continuously doing so.

live with it, its not always about yourself. cant remember it heard this off where.

No matter how great i look in front of the mirror, step 2 steps backward, and i see nothing.

Extreme

2008-08-17T13:40:00.002+08:00

As much as i like to read newspaper, but lately i am finding myself having difficulty to swallow all the news besides the once a while surprise on sports section.

Conference on Islam, the quota for Mara University, and 2 cases of journalists being beaten by supporters/bodyguards during political campaign are news that i know of merely through the title of the articles. I did not read on because i have a good surface understanding of the story and it really annoyed me.

A sad general view over most of us is that whatever we said are always biased towards our own people. True indeed, that's why nationalism never die. Having said so, it does not mean that we as the outsider would not have critical comment over what's happening to other people.

2 good friends of mind, who is happened to be Malay, are really annoyed with all the aid that they are receiving. It makes me looks like i'm someone who cant survive without being taken well care of, that's one of the phrase i remembered really well. I know how heartache they would have been if they realise that there's still people have problem allowing outsider to discuss about their religion that has been tarnished so badly by the people who believe they are protecting it.

Personally, i am really sad seeing the Mara students rally over Khalid's comment. Its like telling people they are there because of the special right they received. Perhaps they are too young to see the benefit/risk of being part of a political plot, or maybe the pride of the race overruled their own pride.

Violence has been introduced into our political game in recent years, and it's walking towards how Taiwan's politician behaving. Taiwan also got worse when the opposition grow strong. Are we heading the same way?

its part of the progress. I prayed to myself.

Students, enlighten up please. Its too hard to change the current scene, so buckle up and save the future...

will i leave this country? many has been asking me. I always answer: this is the worst time of the world, this is the best time of the world

Fugly

2008-08-17T13:28:00.002+08:00

for some reason, i've been seeing people using this 'fugly' word in almost every single cyber corner that i visits often. Actually,i still have no idea what it means, was it an abbreviation of f***ing ugly? or it's just some new cyber words that means something that i have failed to learn? Another word that is extremely popular word among the chinese website is 'kuso'. No matter how hard i tried to translate to chinese or english, i still dont get the meaning of the word...

Last month i overheard a extremely dramatic happy ending love story that actually happened in PJ. The couple is my friend's buddy, and i heard whole lot of them who know the story cried real bad in the wedding. Trust me, the story is so dramatic that i had such a strong urge to write a story out of it. I even have the plot running over my head day in day out. I really should put it into writing. Or else i will definitely forgotten about it.

that's just me, no matter how strong i feel now, i still capable of forgetting it the next day

when XX messed up with XY

2008-08-10T07:45:00.002+08:00

for some reason, instead of having a normal mamak, i ended up in a salsa party.

After being taught some simple step, we just simply hantam here and there in the studio. Must admit Salsa is really casual and rather interesting, but that still doesnt explain why i am here....after the party thingy, i went for 2nd round at Bamboo, and the story just get juicier here because.....i got hit by gay guy!

ok here's t issue, i wore a v-neck,relatively body hugging back t-shirt, n according to some self claimed expert, V neck is a sign of 'gayness' in pub.Ok fine, mistake no.1. Then this guy (normal straight guy) said his friend want to know me, so i said sure,why not since it could be some hot chick or something(mistake no. 2).And SHIT! SO obvious that he is gay. I walk away after being introduce to this pick colour shirt guy, then the straight guy keep coming n ask my friend if i am gay or straight,because his friend is looking for a bf (%#$%!$!)

ok, i shall behave more like a man. So i turn to next table which is full of girls, return their stare with simple toasting and friendly gesture, n the next thing i know, they were all dancing with girls on my table. and i starting to question the gender of this 2 'guy' tat is hanging out with tat group of girl. NO~~~they were all lesbian!!! what did i get into this time??!!

Eventful night it is.

in the name of peace

2008-08-09T17:05:00.002+08:00

For the past years, i refused to make any condemnation remark on the softness of PM, because i believe people are judging him by comparing to the hardcore Dr M. But after seeing how he bites his own tongue for the date of election, fuel increase as well as the 'Mercedes is SOOOOOO WORTH buying' incidents, i start to regret for having so much mercy on him. Soft but firm, like how a 18 yr old girls breast should be, is what i was hoping to see out of you. Sadly speaking, i see a person that bow down to internal pressure so often that it begins to irk many of your followers.

What i cannot forgive you the most is the you never grasp the opportunity of election failure to get rid of trouble maker, infamous minister, so-obvious-that-he-is-driving-a-car-beyond-his-salary-minister, cocker, fanatic, extremist, grasshopper, need-education-badly-minister.

foreign minister is essentially the representative of fellow Malaysian across the globe. And yet, after giving farewell to the joker that make me (and perhaps the whole middle east) laughing into tears, now we another joker that speaks without ever consulting the celebrum. Medulla Oblongata is definitely the last place information being send or receive by him.

As the world celebrating the Olympic, we are proudly having 2nd blogger being caught by police in name of society peacefulness. No doubt we are slightly better than Russia that killed 100s of people around Georgia, but hey, why are we comparing countries again? oh ya, because we should be grateful that we are not govern by communist. Thank you govt for constantly remind us to compare among countries so that we can appreciate our achievement better.And yes we will not compare universities by look at the university ranking because it is biased as you have mention zillion times.

And the joker said we should setup a watchdog to prevent blogger spreading the wrong information. Be it happening or not, i guess you have gotten yourself wrong here Mr joker. First of you, this is not a statement that you can make in your position. 2ndly, unless you already finished discussion with the de facto (i love this words, but have no idea what it means), this is definitely something BN what to bring out at this period of time (even if they wish to say so), and thirdly, for goodness sake, we just had a live debate, and now you want us to step 2 steps backward again???!!

In the name of love for this country, i shall charge you for causing psychological damage to all of us.

Night

2008-07-11T22:22:00.001+08:00

惊醒

嘀嗒...嘀嗒...嘀嗒...

闹钟的齿轮狠狠的敲了我的脑袋三下
拂...拂...
冷却的空气轻盈的抚摸着我的脸孔,仿佛妈妈似的哄我再次入睡

食指与中指不予自主的往上抽了俩下
感觉不对.熟悉的酸痛不见了.
无神的眼球习惯了亮度.
枕头,完整地躺在我眼前,没有丝毫被挤压的痕迹.
右手掌轻轻地放在枕头的中央.
妳的温度,早在一年半前,雪藏了.
嗯,又忘了.

嘀嗒...嘀嗒...嘀嗒...

双人床的右侧,好空荡.
缓缓的往那枕头躺.
温度的差别刺激了我那还没睡醒的脸颊.
好舒服,妳也是那么想吧.
深深的吸了一口气.
洗发液的味道,也被冲洗走了.剩下的,也答不出是什么味道.
好狠,都找不到妳.
我想,就算眼前发现的只不过是妳残留的一根长发,也足以令我兴奋一整夜.
好想发现那一根头发.

嘀嗒...嘀嗒...嘀嗒...

原来,睡在右侧是那么舒服的.
不想再动了.
隐隐约约看到了妳被粉红色棉被盖上至鼻尖上的脸孔.
晚安,亲爱的.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

You will always be inside my heart
Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love
You taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Mada kanashii love song
Now and forever

MiniCity

2008-07-09T22:56:00.003+08:00

Dunno what is that, n no idea how it works, for some reason i got registered and now its a city with only 1 inhabitant.

its a online city with no interaction. clueless. you can check it out

http://jawaville.myminicity.com/

kiki lala

2008-07-06T10:15:00.003+08:00

is Kiki Lala still existing in the market? its probably the only few renown kiddy brands that i can recalled. Reason being renown to me because that's probably the only brand that i can pronounce with little problem during that age.

Come to think of it, i dont think i have ever own a Kiki Lala clothes before. But i am quite sure i would had preferred t-shirt with Baja Hitam's monstrous face on my tiny body, and protect me from all the evil monster. THUNDER-THUNDER-THUNDER~CAT~~OH~~~~~oh wait, wrong cartoon. So what do Baja Hitam scream when he is transforming? hm...i should look it up at wikipedia. but first and foremost, what is Baja Hitam's actual name? its definitely not Black Fertilizer,rrrrright?

i dont believe in karma, but i believe that there is always a cycle or period for most of the thing. World economy once again undergoing 10 years cycle, and parent once again need to explain to the children what does sodomy means.

i've tried so hard, and run so far, 5 years down the road, i'm back to the same room, complaining about the same weather, and yammering about the same old air-con.

been having this question in my mind for quite a while. Can reading acquaintance's blog being classified as a form of voyeurism? if that is so, i am starting to feel myself as a sick bastard.i'm kind of enjoy reading friend's friend blog lately.

No Black Tie

2008-06-17T22:51:00.002+08:00

For those who had been bugged by me for years, they would definitely familiar with this jazz pub's name. Let me see, it was 4, or maybe 5 years ago that i heard of this place and then i've been trying to locate it, but thanks to the lousy signboard of KL (or perhaps my bad geography), i failed numerous time with different group of friends to get into this shop.

In 5 years time, it had undergone closure,revival, and with words of mouth,it has gotten a little fame of itself, and what's more important, i FINALLY got a guide for myself and stepped into the sacred land.

It was a Funk Jazz (just realized that there's a lot of genre among Jazz music) night and the band is just so spontaneous and groovy, my friend and i had a very wonderful night of music enjoyment. The great sound system make the place a little bit hard to chit chat, but its definitely a great place to enjoy some great live band with interval small chat in between the break. Good place to warm yourself up before heading up to Passion, that's what i was told by one of the acquaintance in the pub.

Being able to visit some place that you have been long for is a blessing. By stepping into it already make me happy. The rest, was just the bonus.

Wheel of Luck

2008-06-01T01:23:00.002+08:00

Today experienced something odd. Have not met my buddy for quite a while, decided to sms them to meet up for mamak-ing. At the end, only me and this guy that supposed to be the busiest among the group, free to meet up.

We ended up sitting in mamak for hours. We were wondering the whole time whether it was strange for 2 of us to be free, or it is odd to see the rest busy.

We have officially enter the 2nd phase of life for quite a while now, and everyone has long adapted to this new lifestyle. We are still full of crap when we meet up, but obviously we are no longer who we were once.

i just have nothing in mind to write about. But i just feel like writing something in this moment. Heard a friend of my describe herself as emotional and yet rational. It doesnt make much sense and yet at the same time it makes a lot of sense.

Seems like we are all suffering from bipolar. For the crazy you and me. Cheers.

pause.play.stop.

2008-05-26T00:13:00.002+08:00

proudly announcing that i have completed my year 2005 travel blog. Obviously i have cut down a lot of things compare to the actual travel log that i had written down. I guess, there's still quite a bit of stuff i prefer to keep it offline, which sometime make the memory even more valuable, and inevitably, more forgettable.

2005 is down, time to tackle down 2006. Think i will only put up photos of place i traveled to. After all, this is all meant to be for my own reading, and perhaps for my grandson :)

Metal

2008-05-25T02:39:00.002+08:00

Woke up from my sleep at 1.30am, realized this is not a nightmare, this is WORSE than nightmare.....my teeth is found guilty and place behind the bar for 1 and half years~man, this is not fun at all...anyone selling time machine on the web?

feeling hungry and yet i dont really want to chew on anything, this is definitely helping me to shape my apple body size to a healthier one, without my consensus. This is sad...

Being myself as usual, contacted quite a few friends over the phone just to check on their life and manage to find some interesting finding. Like this friend of mine is actually involve with the Malaysia for Unity project. You know, the song 'here in my home' that is meant to be dedicating to all of us that love Malaysia as a home regardless how the Menteri's wife spent our money on batik/sports clothing....

anyway, i think the song is great and you should download it for free to support all the volunteers.kudos to my friend Dora

Life can be different if you choose to do just a little bit extra. By the way, have you make a donation for the people that is suffering at Myanmar and China at the moment? what's more important, charity starts at home...

W.H.Y.

2008-05-14T21:02:00.002+08:00

Been asking myself questions that no way i could answer at this very moment. Have absolutely no clue how this wave of questions hit me, casting lots of doubt and emptiness into my heart. Maybe its the after effect of Mountain climbing.

Was given the opportunity to join the crazy bunch to climb Mt Kinabalu on Wednesday. Decide to join the group on Thursday, flew off to Sabah on Friday and climb the giant mountain on Saturday. How in prompt to, i know. Promised myself not to take any flight for upcoming months for less than 2 months, and i choose to eat my own words once again.

Excited, painful, fruitful, and lots of unexpected 'enlightenment' happened throughout the Mt climbing trip. Although i failed to climb to the peak due to rain storm (you would call it a rain storm when the wind speed recorded to be 120 km/h), but i am happy with the experience.

At 3,126m height, i dream of you, again. Maybe that's the reason behind all the questioning.

Are we 8,641km apart or just a click away?

Rest

2008-04-29T17:34:00.004+08:00

Ridiculous behaviors are surprisingly common. Nevertheless, ridiculous is a rather subjective descriptor. I was told off for being ridiculous, at the same times being praised for bravery.

Still, i cant stop myself from calling you ridiculous. Its already way~beyond stubborn, silly and stupid.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I work hard, and play harder. As a result, whenever i press my 'off' button, i will become extremely lazy and do nothing at home. Talked to a friend on one of my off night

"when are you coming to find me ah?"
" No time lah!" well, i wasn't lying, i was busy except that particular day that i was talking to her

here comes the quote of year:

"Time is like women's cleavage, squeeze a bit, and you will have it!"

how can i not love my friends

talk about chance

2008-04-28T15:48:00.003+08:00

just registered with Facebook and i'm totally confused by all the applications. At the end of the day, what you need to know is to click ' i accept'. simple.

Thanks to facebook, realised that we are actually living in a rather volatile era. Volatile as in people are no longer content to stay put in a place for many years. You can save up on clothes, you can save up on food, but you cant save up on travel. interesting

Went to an holiday villa owned by an ex-colleague or mine not so long ago. Had some drinking game, and went rather wild in an hour time. The next day we still manage to get up and go to the nearby waterfall

I was so excited with the chilling water that i lead the group of people to walk into the 15 degree Celsius cold water. And lucky thing happened to me. I was bitten by a leach. Nothing major. The major part is, i was bitten at somewhere between human asshole and the hanging balls. yes, there is still some flesh in between that enable the dear worm suck up the blood.

hopefully it didn't suck up the semen and got pregnant. I'm not ready yet.

Just my luck.

HongKong

2008-04-17T23:18:00.003+08:00

After being praised that my pictures look great even though the camera i used WAS NOT A SLR, i thought oh well, might as well put up few more pictures of HongKong (since i am far from writing about Hong Kong,haha)... So here's how Hong Kong looks like under my camera

p/s: dont be silly, i've taken more than 200 pictures and obviously there would be some great shot. Whatever i post up were probably the only few good one :)

ShenZhen (Not FRANCE YA) - i really took a lot of effort for this shot, i was virtually on top of the fence just to snap the lamp post into pictures

Starlet HongKong

The Night Beauty HongKong

Disney HongKong

Drinking HongKong

Shanghai

2008-04-16T23:05:00.002+08:00

I know it would take forever before i write on shanghai, here's some pictures which i thought i took it pretty well...

The Natural Shanghai

The Cultural Shanghai

The Magnificent Shanghai

ability

2008-04-15T17:55:00.003+08:00

Extremely addicted to a song sang by Boz Scaggs.

No i did not spell the name wrongly, he's an old fart and that probably explains why you have no clue who he is.

Managed to download one of his album after searching for many weeks. But non of the songs in the album impress me as much as the song i am listening to again and again....

Would love to upload this song up as my background music but have absolutely no clue on how to do it

Talk about wanting to do something VS capable of doing something

什么是神? 神就是做人所做不到的事~ Initial D

perhaps

2008-04-13T00:11:00.002+08:00

If i told you that i am actually a very introvert person, would you find this statement rather ridiculous?

i told that to a friend of mine, and she she laugh until almost run out of breath ( of perhaps its just coincidently the oxygen content in the air was rather low as she was actually sitting at Genting Starbucks)

i listen to Jazz music, enjoy staying in the room alone, listen to some soft music while lying on the bed munching my favourite books/magazine. I dont easily get bored, even if that means i am staying alone in the room for 48 hours, as long there's food for me to cook and survive with.

And i was told i am meant to be in Sales line, and i am actually excelling in this line at the moment...

Man, i am complicated.

A friend told me that she cant believed that i can actually simplified everything into simple theory, making myself far less troubled than she is. i dont easily get stressed because i look at it as something that move me forward. I never got troubled by friendship, because i look into friendship as nothing but a platform for us to use each other in one way or another.

And i was told that i am a very good friend, and a person that understand many philosophy in life.

Man, i am such a simple man.

disease

2008-04-11T22:03:00.002+08:00

Believing an ideal base on factual is getting more ridiculous. Some expert will spend thousand of dollar just to let us know that, maybe, just maybe, drink water is good for you. Or wait, there's a better one, spending too much time in front of computer will increase the chance of you being fat.
So what is the theory behind this cause? hm... maybe is due to lack of activity. Wow, thanks prof, that enlighten us a lot...

Travel

2008-04-03T20:54:00.002+08:00

had a flying month. literally a month that i flew a lot. I was lucky enough to be rewarded 2 incentive trips after a rather intensive 6 months of working life. Come to think of it, I have actually visited a good number of cities in a very short period of time. Before age of 18, the only city that i have visited outside Peninsular Malaysia was Medan, but ever since then, i was just bombarded with all kind of cultural diversity across a big piece of land.

Usually i preferred to mention myself being to city A or city B, rather than been to the country that city A located at, because even across a city, the building, culture as well as the socio-geography can be diverse enough to spin my head around, what's more its between the cities. For foreigner, KL might be the representative of Malaysia, but we fellow Malaysian know very well it is just impossible to have the capital representative the whole truely-Asia-shit. Maybe, just maybe, i want to look at each country from the angle that their own countrymen look at.

I must proudly said here that although before age of 18, i've not travel much outside malaysia, but i've actually covered a big area of Malaysia, here's the major cities/tourism spot that i HAVE NOT been to only:
Kota Kinabalu (or the whatever Api that they r calling now)
Miri
Kota Bharu
tasik kenyir/Taman Negara
Perhentian/lang tenggah
Ya...i think that's probably the whole list

Here's the list that cities that i have been to:

Medan, indonesea 1996

hatyai, Thailand 2003

2004
Changi airport (not been to s'pore till now)
Dunedin, NZ
Christchurch, NZ
Queenstown, NZ
Wanaka,NZ
Timaru, NZ

2005
Wellington, NZ
Taupo, NZ
Auckland, NZ
Rotorua, NZ

2006
Bangkok, Thailand
Milfort sound, NZ
Franz Josef, NZ
Lake Tekapo, NZ
Kaikora, NZ

2007
Adelaide, Australia
Melbourne, Australia
Sydney, Australia
Hanoi, Vietnam

2008
HangZhou
ShangHai
ShenZhen
Hong Kong

i have the habit of writing down story, comment on each cities that i have been to. I have always wanted to post all the written things into my travel blog as a safe choice to keep my memory. However, until today, i'd only key in my travel experience during year 2005...looking at the rate it goes (10 km/h writing speed vs 120km/h traveling speed), i am getting worry that this little resolution of mine will not be fulfill for many months to come....

Kisah Benar

2008-02-27T22:05:00.002+08:00

Was driving pass the 'notorious' SS2 this afternoon, witnessed a motorcyclist along with his crime partner snatch a handbag off man's hand.

He was holding gf's hand while another hand holding the pink colour ladybag. They were standing at the small isle that divided the opposite traffic flows. It's so hard to be a man nowadays, just trying to be nice to the lady, and then this snatch thief just took it away. Imagine both agonizing both the man and women in this incident.

What's more irony is that, this snatching incident happened right in front of the bundles of flying flags that printed both party's candidate face. Talk about voting for the better tomorrow. HA!

it would be more irony if you look at all the promises that the candidates said should they be elected.

HEAL THE WORLD~~ MAKE IT A BETTER PLACE~~~FOR YOU AND FOR ME AND THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE~~~

Age of Empire 12

2008-02-26T22:52:00.002+08:00

I was so itchy hand that the other i bought a Age of Empire 3 Asia Dynasty DVD to play leisurely. After playing for about half a day, i got a little bored of it, then i start reading the newspaper. And hey, guess what, we have a far greater game happening right now, its the Age of Empire 12, Malaysia Dynasty!

in the games, the involver use gun to win the battle, which is far more visual. But here, we use words and tricks to kill opponent in no time. Less interesting for the audience i must admit, but as a matter of fact, it is far more menacing than what we can see with our own naked eye

Compared to previous few elections, i am sure this is a far more different election ever for most of the people. First of all, internet, youtube and blog to be more specific, have touched thousand's heart ( or anger) that could potentially brings a different to our rather boring parliament.

Blogger Jeff Ooi has finally decided to get into the dirt pond in the hope of cleaning it up, making him one of the most high profile candidate. Although i'm surprise and find it a bit ridiculous to see the Lingam's tape owner Mr Goh to be a candidate, but having him around indeed make this election far more interesting to most younger generation and hopefully wooing more of us to come out a cast a vote and KILL THE BLOODY WOLVES~~opsss, that's for AOE 3 game, i mean, defeat the undeserving opponent.

For chinese speaking community, there's another high profile handsome looking candidate that is getting a lot of limelight. Mr Wu, formally a debater, then DJ, manager and eventually high profile candidate of MCA has stirred lots of controversy as well as supports for his foes and fans.

He may not be comparable to Arnold, but he was formally involved in entertainment industry, and seriously, i really hope to see more of people like him to involve in politics. Why? because non-voters are the biggest group that can cast their vote and shape the government into a glass-hour shape, making all the ham sap lo mesmerize by our beauty :)

sam pat

2008-02-20T06:14:00.000+08:00

the whole malaysia is going sam pat.

sam pat, sam pat, 3 8, 3 8; the number sound so auspicious that it is driving all the Toto lovers go frenzy over this set of number. All kind of combination was thought by the gambler in the hope of hitting the jackpot.

To a great extend, election is just a game of numbers. So i guess, we are just being chinese by grasping every single right opportunity to gamble :) obviously election hold a far greater mission than giving us the numbers to have fun with, but to a certain social economical group, it really have limited impact to their life. Striking lottery, maybe, election, nah...

Read a comment on newspaper regarding their candies that government been giving to chinese and tamil school on the past 2 weeks. It is believe that government have been given about about RM120million on improving these schools. The author said, if we capture the progress in graph, you would see stagnant line with giant leap every 5 years. And we are OK and HAPPY with that for the past 50 years. Our memory spasms are just too short i guess, or maybe, we cant read the graph?

We all know a lot of things only improved every 5 years, for example, the road condition around LDP. Residents in PJ area sense election the earliest, because the road condition been improving since November, and we are HAPPY and OK with that. Maybe we cant read the graph, but hey, we can read the sign now. hooray~

many people are predicting this election would be the first real triumph of democracy, and i was really anticipating to see that happening, dreaming one day we will have a Hilari and Othbamat that openly debate on live tv broadcast, and no body know who is the winner until the result is out.

However, i became skeptical when i realize the enormous number of people that did not register themselves for the election. The Y generation condemn every single thing that government doing not right. they crave for equality. But when we given the chance to make a change,

"can do it online ah?"
"nobody told me about registration also!"
"rocket have my support in my heart"

Sadly, i will be on my way back from Shanghai on the sam pat day. I am missing out my first ever opportunity to vote. I hate that feeling. damn it....

best love quote of 08 valentine's

2008-02-14T19:56:00.000+08:00

1. if my love for you can be measured, then it must be thicker than Samy's face

2. my love for you is eternal, like the wig on Samy's head

3. If you insist on putting a time frame for my love for you, then i would say, its longer than Samy's serving years.

4. the world may change, but i promised i will still looks like me, sound like me, and 100% is still me

disambiguation

2008-02-14T18:36:00.001+08:00

365 days ago, i was gazing at the star, mesmerized by the galaxy of stars that shine upon the sky, wishing myself to be sliding on the milky way with you by my side as the shooting stars fly by.

365 days later, i am gazing at the brighten sky, mesmerized by the golden lining drawn by the fireworks, praying that my family and i will be healthy and safe for the upcoming years.

it was so serene, and cold. 3 degree Celsius if i am not wrong. i can vaguely see your face through the lights that exist 3,000 years ago.

The burning praying items are heating up my face like giving me a facial treatment, and the fire crackers are so noisy that i have to write this thing up to kill my time. The whole street is brighten up by fire, firework and housing lights that has nothing romantic to talk about

happy valentine's day, 14/2/2007

happy Pai Ti Kong, 14/2/2008

Bang bang

2008-02-04T18:45:00.000+08:00

when u are too confident or you are just taking thing for granted, somehow, it will get you into some unexpected situation.

As i was heading heading home unusually early from work...okey, i lied, its a norm thing, but that's besides the point! AAAANYWAY, since i am heading home early, obviously i cant make any toll claims as i would not like to see how my boss looks like when the receipts stated there 3pm. So i used my own smart tag to go through the toll.

Just like what most of the people would do, i slowed down to around 40km/h (okey, maybe its 60 km/h), as i was entering the smart tag lane.

"beep"
Sweet, no need to slow down further.
50cm: eh, the barrier seems a bit slow
30cm: ok, this is REAL slow
15cm: BREAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK~~~~
5cm: !@#%$!#$$!$#

the break sound was so overwhelming that i pay no attention to the colliding sound. Alarm begun to ring while the metal barrier beginning to swing to the side. Its quite impressive that the palang thingy got a security pin in which when a car hit it, it would drop down by about 10cm to reduce the impact then only swing it to the side.

At the end of the day, my car left unscratched, but i still made a complaint to avoid more driver being victimized.

My question on what would happen if i hit the metal thingy was answered today in the most practical way. So, i was happy :)

see, life can be fun.

了.解.

2008-01-23T15:22:00.000+08:00

因为太了解我无法坚定这一次会要掉眼泪的决定
有些遗憾只能一个人听很对不起我还是珍惜所有的事情

newsmaker of the year 2007

2008-01-06T17:33:00.000+08:00

If you are a newspaper lover, 2007 must had been an entertaining year to read on. And for once, newspaper is even more interesting than to follow on the Hokkien drama (which apparently, still got 2 more years before the story will end). A lot of people are upset and calling it a downfall of the society, but my answer to it is, how can you call it a downfall when we had never gone up to any place yet?

This is the the best time of the world, this is the worst time of the world

just a small recap on who actually deserved to be name newsmaker of the year, we had...let's see, Zakaria the huge-ass bungalow owner, Hisshamuddin the keris waver, Najib the denial, and Khairy the riser. Oh wait, there's still JPJ the (10 years to learn the problem) slow learner, Nanli the arrested officer, bersih/hindraf rally the anger, BN the embracer of all the leakage and tunnel, ISA the unstoppable, flood victims the sufferers, samy the wig owner, inflation the killer, namewee the singer, lingam the lawyer, Attantuya the trial (may the justice be on your side), and of course, Abdullah the jet plane owner.

Hey wait, did i miss out the space traveler? Nah....He dont even has a DVD dedicated to himself only...Dr Chua is still cooler. Too bad he is the 2008 story, of else he would have been the clear winner. with election coming up, its quite hard for him to stay on to be the winner of 2008 newspaper,sigh...you should have announced the story a day earlier, now you are risking of losing the throne...

so who's my pick? i guess i would choose our beloved timbang. Bacteria can only grow on optimum environment that has the right temperature and moisture. With so much leakage and tunnel story, no wonder these bacteria grow well in the environment...

2008

2008-01-01T09:12:00.000+08:00

congratulation to all of us for being older, once again......

yesterday i was victimized by friends, being cheated to be the traffic ranger for them. As they were stupidly sitting at some random restaurant at 1U, i was even stupid by driving towards the Curve. it was 10.40pm. The traffic is quite bad, but its still moving, and it actually took me 25 minutes to reach the curve and get a parking right next to the curve. I think i got it there fast because of my 'cutting' skill as well as a little bit of luck. I feel bad for conning whole bunch of them to stuck in jam, but at the same time i wanna drag them over. So at the end i sent a sms that read like this' i have arrived, the traffic is bearable'....

My friend who was in the car with me complaint that there's no way people understand what it means by bearable, n THAT's exactly the whole point~ unluckily, i messed with the smart one, got a reply "yup, got it, love you baby" which exactly means nothing, in revenge of my useless traffic report... @$%@$%

The count down was good, besides the point that i missed out the count down,missed out the crowd, missed out the screaming and missed out a big fraction of the firework. Ya, i do get the jam, the sweat, the aimless walk, and yeah, THE alcohol :) but i'm happy,because i have not seen such crowd for ages, and have not done things just for the heck of doing for quite a while too. I'm probably too old to go for anymore countdown real soon( you will feel so too when you overheard people saying they are form 2 and form 4 in the toilet).so ya...feels great to be silly on the last day of 2007, and the first few hours of 2008

wishing you all to have a bearable year ahead.........hehehe

2008 resolution

2007-12-30T22:57:00.000+08:00

1. gross annual income of RM 100,000
2. sponsor myself and parent to visit my 3rd sister in Manchester
3. complete my long-overdue travel blog (doubtful resolution giving fact tat i have 3 more countries to write on and soon i will be traveling to another 2/3 countries)
4. complete reading 2 books per month (time to clear my mini bookstore)
5. achieving targets that i have set myself for my job(s) :)
6. saved up RM15,000 to be my reserved bank for the possible investments
7. constantly upgrade myself in order to have in dept understanding of financial related topic
8. learn a new skills, probably something useless but fun
9. maintain the routine of attending gym session at least 3 times a week.
10. still have at least RM20,000 in the bank after completing all the resolution above.

Big dreams to have, i know....

love

2007-12-30T20:01:00.000+08:00

In terms of family wise, my family and I had gone through a very very difficult year. For the past 50 years, year 2007 is the most unsatisfied year that i have ever gone through, that's what i mum told me. I can fully understand the statement. God knows how many sleepless nights we all had gone through in the past year. I really have a good taste of mental exhaustion, and i vowed to do anything in order not to let my family go through all this thing once again.

i do understand many things are out of my control, but reflecting back, there are still things that are achievable and i have yet to accomplished. By adjusting it slowly, i am beginning to draw out time to spend it with my parent in quality. I can feel their joy whenever i drove them out, paid for the meal or even just buying a RM50 clothes for dad. I know it was the act, not the things that i have paid for make them happy.

The family is once again back into the routine, but somehow, somehow, after all the stormy nights, this routine family life tastes so sweet. And now, we have all grown up, and nobody can actually recall when was the last time all of us were gathered around, but deep down inside, we all know well, our bond is stronger than ever.

in year 2007, friendship has come into another meaning to me. i am meeting back friends that i have not met for years. I have left a good bunch of university buddies for good, and the good old mate welcome me as always. Thanks to internet and cheap air flight, there isn't much sadness involved during my departure, but at the same time i do question myself if i have actually met some good friends out there.

Adjustment was made to accustom myself to the once familiar way of hanging out. No more crazy shit party, replaced with football crazy feast. Less alcohol, more teh tarik. And damn, why do malaysian stay so widespread? why cant i just walked over to the town and have a jug of beer with my mate? From time to time, i still feel slight upset for having no one and no where nearby to have just a sip. You just know some friends are meant to do selected things with you only. Calling my best friend to Laundry would probably make 2 of us feel like donkey that accidentally walked into the market.

i missed being crazy, but i am grateful i am no longer being crazy. Feel sorry for those who failed to withdraw from it and take a greater look around the world, but i guess they are happy. I was happy. In fact, i could have been happier if i was being more crazy, though i might ended up not being who i am now.

relationship wise, things have definitely gone complicated. Certainly we have a path that will keep us apart (distant wise) for good few years. If there is a thing i am really not sure of, that would definitely be what lies ahead of us. But trust me dear, you are not the only one that feeling lonely. Even the lone ranger wish to have a person to hug on at nightfall.

i know i've been blessed with love. Thank you for all the love that you have given me.

Regret

2007-12-30T17:44:00.000+08:00

few weeks back i suddenly recalled a good number of songs and movies that i have regretted not watching it. With a bit of luck and the advancement of china p2p and Emule portal, i managed to get hold of lots of old movies and songs that i thought i will never get to watch or hear it again.

few weeks later, i wasnt happy at all. I get what i am not suppose to be able to get hold of. I lost my regrets in life. funny idea, but really, what life really is if you dont have a slight regret over the past. I always think of the good old time in New Zealand. There's so much i've done there, at the same time, there's so much that i have not done. And it was all this undone regret that make me dream of New Zealand, and regarding it as the best time i had. i regret for not doing crazy things that i was offered to do, i regret for doing as little as one thing that i can label it as 'crazy'...all this imperfection make my 3 years life such an unforgettable experience

2007, just like any other year, flied by with most of the resolution undone. Of course there are things that i did much better than i expected, at the same time, many regrets happened that still haunting me at this very moment. What failed me before drive me towards what lies ahead...that's what i hope and what i aim for.

More...what's more than that...i did it...my way~~~

Career

2007-12-30T13:18:00.000+08:00

after coming back to malaysia, i have a surprisingly smooth path of career. Things just got so well that i actually got too carried away. I had some bumpy ride in between the year and being burnt for quite a bit. However, i was extremely grateful for the mistake that i had made. I was brought back to the earth, understanding that there is no haven to shelter me anymore. What i am today is what i did yesterday. coincidently, i will actually start from scratch on the 1th of jan. I gained nothing by experience in the past 6 months, but i know, these experiences worth more than anything i can imagine of.

at the age of 23, i have achieved many that most fresh graduate dare not to dream of. Maybe, just maybe, if you actually dare to dream, you will achieve it. So in year 2008, i have set my target, i have set my dream, have you?

looking back into the time

2007-12-30T12:17:00.000+08:00

once again, we have arrived to the end of another year. Still remember how much hoo-ha newspapers have made during new year eve of year 1999, and with just a blink of an eye (or maybe not..) we are almost approaching another decade. Anyway, this is the time, and perhaps t he only time we recall and reflect on what we had done for the past 1 whole darn year. it's not exactly a bad thing to do i reckon, given the fact that most men don't ask for direction, so this is like a pit-stop for men to sit down, take a look at the map, and decide on where to go next.

2007, a very interesting year indeed for me. At the first half of the year, i was still questioning myself on what to do next. At the second half, I'm back to my motherland and with much blessing, i have found my reason to gung-ho and lived through the rather exciting months.

at the beginning of the year, i was constantly looking for opportunity while working as a cleaner. I failed to see where can i head to, hence i took a bet of using all the money i earned as cleaner to backpack around Australia in the hope of understanding myself better. i knew i was ready to head home, but i just cant find the reason to it. Melbourne was really an eye opening for me. I found myself lost track of time on the cross road of Swanston and Flinders Street,as i can no longer explained myself whether i am at 21th century or Victorian era.

If they just keep walking and never look up, then they must be local, one of the fellow backpacker told me that. Indeed, people are just too busy looking at the traffic in the hope that they can jay walk and save up their previous few second. Everyone seems so busy, but the times seems to be playing some tricks to the building around here, and i seems to be affected by the building. My mind was totally blown away by what i've seen here. The clock seems to have paused a few second for me. I turn 360 degree just to look around. Strange thought flowing into my mind. i stared dully to the traffic flow. Why am i here. Where do i belongs to. how do i end up here.

time to go home

c'est la vie

2007-12-29T11:35:00.000+08:00

friday night. No appointment. No date. it is always a test of popularity whenever you are free and yet do not wish to stay home for this special night of the week.

Lay down on the bed, thinking who should i call and what should i do. No one. Nothing in mind. Realizing my mind will be overtaken by the lonesome sadness, decided to embrace it, feel it, and write it. it's unsurprisingly hard to go through the night. My mind non stop staring at the cellphone, hoping it will just rang and connects me to anybody,literally anybody. The highlight of the night was actually the Beep sound indicating a text message is received. The excitement was brought down to the deep valley when the sender was non other than Digi call center.

So screw my friends, why do it need one when i have internet access, i told myself. 20minutes later, dead bored with all the no-so-update blog. Wanted to read all the news but what the heck, nothing major is happening (well, major enough to attract my attention) and business news is still arguing whether it would be a good or bad year ahead.

So screw the webpage, i have virtue friends...frenster - no update from anyone. Perhaps everone is too busy updating facebook. MSN- 0 people online. WTF?! am i like the only ghost in the town that have no place to hang out?

fine...fine....i will just sleep through the night with Chet Baker's saxophone. tick...tick...tick...time flies....tick....tick...tick.....i cant sleep~~tick...tick...tick....how can nobody call me?? tick....tick...tick.....zzzZZZZZ

this morning when i woke up, i actually sit down and have a deep thought on the feeling that i experience last night. It was quite horrible, and this lonesome feeling really can drive people crazy.Then i start to relate on how often us, as human being afraid to be alone, with all the activities that we always anticipate to do on weekend; partying, mamaking, pat-toh-ing, movie watching, driving, flirting, gambling or even working. But by thinking this issue in the reverse way, would us feel lonely if friday night is not meant to be doing all those group activities? i think not

So, was i really pathetic that i have no place to go on friday night? i guess not, but somehow, sometime, admit it or not, we (okey, i shall use the word me) just enjoy being the hero of some tragedy drama. Just try n recall back how often you imagine yourself as the most lonely person in the world in which you really need to go to pub and sit on the bar counter and drink glass and glass of vodka? We are all influenced by things that we watch and listen to, and i actually can see the difference by comparing this group of friends that watch every single movie with a few guys that hardly touched the TV or even step into the cinema. It's pretty crazy come to know of it.....

Save me from myself

2007-10-19T18:56:00.000+08:00

6.56pm, friday. At office doing paperwork. Just as i thought that i would be locked in the office for weekend if i dont quickly pack-up now, i realised there's a big group of workaholics selling their soul at the opposite department. And you might not believe it, i am actually doing something that is clocked, so in order to kill off the waiting time, i decided to clear away all the spiderweb n post up something new

before this, like most people, i dont understant why people willing to scarifice their personal time at the office. Surprise surprise, i dont understant it still, but somehow i have no problem, in fact, i enjoyed staying back at the office, and sort out all the paperwork that could potentially kill me if i choose to ignore it until end of the month. it is not exactly that quiet, thanks to that air-con pipeline on top of my head..also, usually i will play 1 song from youtube n non-stop playing it for hours. And yes, i am playing 'save me from myself' at the moment. How addictive this song is? callyn know it very well :)

i've successfully gone through the transition of changing from students to then jobless-but-feel-superb-bugger to now a white collar group. i just cant describe the change as it is a huge as an iceberg, but at the same time, it is as minor as tiny sand. I am still myself, behaving like what i use to, but at the same time, my life is some much different, i have become a cog of this big machinary call society. and it put it in more brutal form, like what Karl Marx would have describe it, i have become an item that willing sell myself at a negotiated price. i received what i perceived as a reasonable money, and the buyer, ie company get our 8 hours per day that potentially redefine and re-value the amount that they paid on me....

sorry for confusing you by throwing you capitalism theory, but like it or not, incentive, EPF, year end bonus..all this are actually derived from the menacing communism....ya, start with all your liberalism and bla bla bla....Marxism against capitalism, and i dont like capitalism (not until i become an invester), so yeah, i am a left-wing...shoot me